Ritterskoop wrote:I am lifting weights more often, which helps vent some of the frustration at work. I have chosen March 8 of next year as my date to evaluate do I want to stay, as it's my 20th anniversary. I'd planned to retire at 55 and go into foster kid-raising and cat rescue and teaching. Now I'm not sure if I will be there that long.
I had not realized until a couple of days ago, I am perceived by my coworkers in a way I don't want to be perceived. So I am going to change my shoes. What I mean is, when you wear fancy shoes or heels, you stand up straighter. It changes the way you present yourself. So I am going to start two new strategies that will have that same effect.
I'm told I have been contributing too many opinions for someone who is new to the team. They like my energy and hard work but not so much the opinions. Since I am not very subtle about figuring out when to speak up and when not, I will just be quiet. The people who want my ideas can ask for them. Maybe someday down the road I will be better at knowing when I'm welcome to speak up. Until then, they will have to tell me when they are making rhetorical complaints and when they really do want something fixed.
Whew. That all does have to do with my health, I promise.
What you described at work is often found in male/female relationships. Generally, females just want their men to listen and not try ot fix - they just want to be heard and don't want their complaint taken care of or given ideas on how it could be fixed.
I know of many couples who have handled that issue without making the man just be quiet. He asks "Is this something you just want to get off your chest or is this something you want to see if we can fix together?"
You could try some version of that - you just have to make sure you don't have any judgement about that they shouldn't be talking about it if they don't want it fixed. If you ask the question from that place - you will just piss them off even more.
Sorry you are having a hard time.
I also notice you didn't ask for help and yet....... I offered.
Are you pissed off?