Must be a slow news day when...my fuzzy rant

[fuzzywuzzy]

The story concerning 17 pregnant teenagers from my alma mater Gloucester High School makes NATIONAL news!


http://www.time.com/time/nation/article ... ml?cnn=yes

fuzzy's rant!

When I heard about this last week, I was too upset to even talk about it. My oldest niece will be a senior this year at GHS, and my middle niece will be a freshman. My SIL & my bro have been excellent parents and talk with them about all sorts of issues. Especially my SIL...to me she is a blessing, and a wonderful Mom to my nieces!

They had a clinic at GHS to help teenagers with questions and the like about their reproductive systems. It was a helpful place for some students to turn to when they needed help with any "issues" that they were having! My eldest niece told her Mom that before the clinic closed, there would be many girls going to the clinic every day to check if they were pregnant. AH...hmm...

This is where our society and culture have made mistakes. If we are going to financially help people with their problems, shouldn't we also help them learn from them, and aspire to be the person that would make them truly happy!

Hey, the majority of people come from dysfunctional families, and never received the "tools" or love that they needed from their parents...cause, their parents never got them from their parents. It sux, its not fair, and it is a terrible cycle that needs to be broken. Life is not fair!

If you are not getting what you need from your parents...hmm, "Maybe if I had a child they would love me, I would be complete. Then the government will pay for a place for me to live, eat and survive, so that I wouldn't have to be with my dysfunctional family any longer! I would be happy! Ah, that's the ticket!"

That being said...shouldn't we be teaching (at home and school) our children to have a strong sense of self, love and respect themselves and others, and be able to come and talk with an adult if they are confused or have questions. I know that they are teenagers...I know!

Granted some of us are still learning But, we know we have issues.

I am so glad that my 30th High School reunion is not until next year! YIKES!

But, 30 years ago, when I was at GHS, I had 2 goals I wanted to achieve when I graduated from High School...

First, I wanted to graduate with honors...knowing that I did my best, and feel proud about myself...I actually did it!

Second, to graduate as a virgin. At 15 years of age, I could have done the same thing...however, being raised an irish catholic...I was very naive to say the least. I knew, that no way in the world was I ready for that kind of relationship with another person. It was my choice, not my friends choice, not my boyfriend's choice, my choice. I wasn't judgemental about anybody elses choices!

I had many opportunities to go against my goal, and lose myself within the heat of teenager sexual angst! Yeah, if you remember , "Paradise by the dashboard light" was a big hit when I was in high school!

I stood my ground, and acheived my second goal!

It is frustrating to know, that children are having children and think that its a good idea!

I truly feel terrible, and hope that the all involved get help, and come thru this predicament as unscathed as possible. But the realist in me knows differently!

fuzzy

[dimmzy]

I've been upset by this too -- especially since I read that one of the fathers was "a homeless 24-year-old guy"!

When Jamie Spears can have a baby at 17 and be "overjoyed", why not? I read that the girls figured that they could all have showers together and babysit for each other and collect money at the same time.

I've thought that one answer to this is "No daddy, no dollars." If your "baby daddy" can't support you, the government can go after the daddy family. Once Grandma's Social Security check is garnished for child support, the attitude towards these Baby Daddies would change in a hurry.

A young guy in Rochester recently got shot. (Another tragedy) In his obit, they mentioned that he had "15 children from various relationships."

In the same issue, the paper started a series, following up on a kindergarten class from 12 years ago in the worst public elementary school in the city. Only 1 still lived with both parents. Only 7 still had contact with their fathers...

[PlacentiaSoccerMom]

I got a graduation announcement from a girl who my mother "adopted" as a granddaughter.

She had a picture of herself on the announcement with her 9 month old baby.

While I am proud of her for sticking it out and finishing high school, I personally thought that having a picture of herself with the baby on her announcement was tacky.

She was the product of an unwed mother. Her two cousins got pregnant multiple times at a young age without marriage.

Her grandmother who raised her is raising the baby while she works. She is 18 years old and works about 20 hours a week at Sears and uses most of her salary to pay for her truck. Her mother (who moved out of the house to live with her new husband a few years ago) and grandmother are footing the bill for the baby. The baby daddy (who is 23) sporadically brings over diapers. She has never been left alone with the baby, because she doesn't feel comfortable having the responsibility.

My mom asked if she had plans to go to college. My mom was told that the girl needed to "rest" over the summer then would figure out what she is going to do. I predict that she will always have an excuse not to further her education.

I personally think that somebody needs to tell her to get her shit together and go to college and break the cycle. When she was younger, this girl qualified for GATE classes, but her grandmother didn't enroll her in the classes because "there would be too much time for homework and not enough time for her social life." Nobody is trying to get the father of the baby to be financially responsible either, just as nobody tried to make her father responsible for her.

[gsabc]

It wasn't so much the fact of the pregnancies, though the number was a big spike from previous years, as the principal's claim that there was a "pact" among the girls to get pregnant and raise the babies together. The other town officials are denying it as strongly as they can, and now the principal is saying he can't remember who told him about the pact. There's some speculation that the pact came after the pregnancies, not before, and had more to do with caring for the babies than their creation.

I agree with chasing down the fathers and making them financially responsible, if not physically and emotionally so. If their lives became as screwed up as those of most of the mothers, maybe there would be less of an inclination to show so little responsibility or concern, and more toward preventing the problem in the first place. Condoms ain't that expensive, Clyde, compared with the $150K or so it now takes to raise a kid through high school. Don't like how it feels when you use them? Tough! Then keep it zipped!

[fuzzywuzzy]

I agree with chasing down the fathers and making them financially responsible, if not physically and emotionally so. If their lives became as screwed up as those of most of the mothers, maybe there would be less of an inclination to show so little responsibility or concern, and more toward preventing the problem in the first place. Condoms ain't that expensive, Clyde, compared with the $150K or so it now takes to raise a kid through high school. Don't like how it feels when you use them? Tough! Then keep it zipped!

gsabc...What did you and your wife tell your kids when they were in school concerning this subject?

I know... I didn't even touch on male factor of the equation! Its come down to being a drive-by father! If you are man enough to do "it", then you are man enough to follow thru with the all the responsibilites that come with it.

fuzzy

[fuzzywuzzy]

I personally think that somebody needs to tell her to get her shit together and go to college and break the cycle. When she was younger, this girl qualified for GATE classes, but her grandmother didn't enroll her in the classes because "there would be too much time for homework and not enough time for her social life." Nobody is trying to get the father of the baby to be financially responsible either, just as nobody tried to make her father responsible for her.

psm, how have you and jeff dealt with this subject with your 2 girls?

fuzzy

[gsabc]

gsabc...What did you and your wife tell your kids when they were in school concerning this subject?

Honestly, I can't remember the details. It was something on the order of having responsibility for your actions and your own body. Our quote, which pertains to then AND now, is "Don't make me a grandmother / grandfather before you're ready to be a mother / father."

It's also a case of leading by example. If you see a loving relationship between your parents, or at minimum a very involved non-custodial parent, you're less likely to get into this situation yourself. If, on the other hand, you're being raised by a single mother who had you when she was 15 and has no idea where the father is (or who), your role model isn't exactly the most beneficial.

One of BD's high school friends got his girlfriend pregnant. The GF's mother had her older sister pre-marriage, and the older sister also had a kid without benefit of marriage. The mom was helping to raise the sister's child. Yet Mom was surprised and angry when daughter #2 also got pregnant in high school. I fear for the new child down the road, because AFAIK, the male part of this duo isn't very involved (and is about to get married himself to another classmate).

[PlacentiaSoccerMom]

I personally think that somebody needs to tell her to get her shit together and go to college and break the cycle. When she was younger, this girl qualified for GATE classes, but her grandmother didn't enroll her in the classes because "there would be too much time for homework and not enough time for her social life." Nobody is trying to get the father of the baby to be financially responsible either, just as nobody tried to make her father responsible for her.

psm, how have you and jeff dealt with this subject with your 2 girls?

fuzzy

They know that high school is a stepping stone and they have to go to college and have a career. The friend of the family has been a cautionary tale to them, but I think that they have enough love and support from their family that they don't need "some guy" in their lives to make them "complete."

Plus, neither of them wants to have kids.

[PlacentiaSoccerMom'sMom]

I personally think that somebody needs to tell her to get her shit together and go to college and break the cycle. When she was younger, this girl qualified for GATE classes, but her grandmother didn't enroll her in the classes because "there would be too much time for homework and not enough time for her social life." Nobody is trying to get the father of the baby to be financially responsible either, just as nobody tried to make her father responsible for her.

psm, how have you and jeff dealt with this subject with your 2 girls?

fuzzy

They know that high school is a stepping stone and they have to go to college and have a career. The friend of the family has been a cautionary tale to them, but I think that they have enough love and support from their family that they don't need "some guy" in their lives to make them "complete."

Plus, neither of them wants to have kids.

Well, of course they don't, honey, because they are always fighting with each other. If they behaved properly toward each other, you might be a grandmother some day, and then you could gently correct their behaviior, just like I do yours.

And could you possibly return a phone call one of these days? I may have left a quarter tube of toothpaste in that horrible downstairs bathroom. I just need to verify it's there before I fly back down, with a hazardous materials suit, to go in and get it.

[PlacentiaSoccerMom]

psm, how have you and jeff dealt with this subject with your 2 girls?

fuzzy

They know that high school is a stepping stone and they have to go to college and have a career. The friend of the family has been a cautionary tale to them, but I think that they have enough love and support from their family that they don't need "some guy" in their lives to make them "complete."

Plus, neither of them wants to have kids.

Well, of course they don't, honey, because they are always fighting with each other. If they behaved properly toward each other, you might be a grandmother some day, and then you could gently correct their behaviior, just like I do yours.

And could you possibly return a phone call one of these days? I may have left a quarter tube of toothpaste in that horrible downstairs bathroom. I just need to verify it's there before I fly back down, with a hazardous materials suit, to go in and get it.

Sorry Mom, I threw out all of your stuff to make room for the Rock Band drum kit, but good job on deliberately leaving something behind so that you would have an excuse to come back down.

[ne1410s]

Chris Rock: "If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mommy "Pam"--he's gonna end up in jail."