Very Bad News Update

[silverscreenselect]

I haven't been posting the last few days although I've checked in a couple of times to see what's going on. This has been perhaps the toughest stretch of my adult life.

Mrs. SSS has Alzheimer's. She was first diagnosed around the time of the pandemic, although she had been showing some oddball behavior earlier that we didn't realize were probably the early symptoms. Over the last three years, she has regressed and become increasingly unable to do many of her customary activities. She still wanted to help out so she could be useful but her help often did more harm than good. We hired a cleaning service to come in once a week but otherwise I took over the cooking and all the household chores. I also wound up helping her shower and dress. Her speech became less and less coherent, and she asks questions that I have no idea what she's trying to say. It's been taking a toll on me physically and our daughters emotionally as well. We took her to adult day classes a couple of days a week for several months, but she eventually had too many toileting accidents so she couldn't continue there. She became confused about who are daughters are. Sometimes, she thought they were her sisters and sometimes she thought they were part-time caretakers I hired to check up on her.

Finally, last week, we put her in a memory care home a few miles from us. She has her own room with furniture from out house and a new twin bed our daughter bought. She's with about 30 other residents in varying stages. Some of them seem almost normal senior citizens when you meet them, and some move around like zombies. A few apparently stay in bed almost all day. My wife hasn't handled this well. She thinks I've abandoned or divorced her and that her daughters are dead. I've been there every day since she went there, and I've taken her to movies and out to meals. (They feed her three meals a day tailored to senior citizens, e.g. mild soft foods.) She gets so excited when she sees me; it's like a little child seeing Santa Claus. Our daughters have been there a couple of times as well. But it's been rough. Sunday I came by and she was sitting on the couch in the group TV room looking at a picture of me and crying. Friday was our 39th wedding anniversary, and I realized she had no concept any more of what that meant.

I haven't always been the best of husbands, but she's been a wonderfully supportive and caring person the entire time I've known her. She's also been an incredibly strong person. She's still as sweet as she was and physically she's in good shape for a woman her age. She takes part in fitness classes there and enjoys when they play music. We're getting the cable TV hooked up in her room so she has something to watch at night. But she still hasn't really made any friends with any of the staff or other residents although the staff tells me she's getting better adjusted every day. It also doesn't help matters that I've been having my own physical problems as well. Shortly before we put my wife in the home, one of our daughters took me to the emergency room where they hooked me up to a catheter for a week. My problems stem from the prostate surgery I had. I seem to be doing okay for now since they took the catheter out but it's just one more thing hitting at a bad time. In addition, I'm in the middle of having some major dental work as well.

I'll be posting some more in the days ahead, but right now I just don't have the spirit to engage in the usual political banter.

[Bob Juch]

[mrkelley23]

I'm very sorry to hear this.

I wish you all the strength you need to cope. Alzheimer's is a spouse's worst nightmare.

[franktangredi]

I'm so sorry.

[Beebs52]

Prayers for you sss. I'm so sorry this is happening.

[BackInTex]

Oh my, I'm so sorry to hear this Steve.

I understand much of what you are going through as my wife's mother has severe dementia, though not technically Alzheimer's. She lived with us for a couple years but it got worse and she has been in memory care for 3 years now.

You and your family have my prayers for strength, comfort, and understanding.

[kroxquo]

Thinking good thoughts for you.

[a1mamacat]

Damn, so sorry you and Mrs. SSS have to deal with all this.

Sending extra strength to you.

[tlynn78]

I'm very sorry for anyone dealing with this. My hubs has symptoms similar to Alzheimers, only not progressive, thank God. The absolute hardest parts have been the times when he's had to be in a facility. Absolute hell. I'm truly sorry you're dealing with this.

[earendel]

Words fail me, Steve. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this.

[SportsFan68]

Steve, I'm so sorry. I know there's nothing I can do, but I'll think of you often in these very difficult days. My hope for you is that you find the strength you need.

[MVLease]

Hi, SSS:

I'm very sorry to hear you're going through this. I went through the same thing with my late wife, Dawn. She was 53 when she died (in Dec. of 2014); she started showing symptoms in her mid-40's. The story you told is very similar to hers; we didn't recognize the problem at first, but after a year of minor memory lapses, we consulted a neurologist, who basically dismissed it as "stress and lack of focus". Things continued to get worse, and a few months later we saw another neurologist for a second opinion. He confirmed that there was a neurological issue and put her through a series of tests and prescribed medications to treat it (I remember Aricept being one of them, but I think there were others). It was a long, slow, painful battle, and she ended up forgetting we were married. I had to put her in a memory care facility in Feb. 2014. I visited her frequently, and she was always happy to see me; she didn't remember I was her husband, but knew we had some kind of relationship (the head nurse said that Dawn apparently thought we were dating). I expected her to be there for years, but she had a stroke around Thanksgiving, and then died on Dec. 14.

Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk privately about my experiences and how they might relate to your own.

-Mike/Kahoona

[MarleysGh0st]

I'm so sorry, SSS.

[mellytu74]

sss -

I am so sorry that you and the family are going through this. Know that we will be keeping you in our thoughts.

[kusch]

Sorry to see this.

[Bob78164]

Steve,

I don't think I can even imagine what this must be like for you. We've been fortunate in my family to avoid this issue so far, so all I know to do is wish you the strength you need to take care of yourself. --Bob

[Bob78164]

Hi, SSS:

I'm very sorry to hear you're going through this. I went through the same thing with my late wife, Dawn. She was 53 when she died (in Dec. of 2014); she started showing symptoms in her mid-40's. The story you told is very similar to hers; we didn't recognize the problem at first, but after a year of minor memory lapses, we consulted a neurologist, who basically dismissed it as "stress and lack of focus". Things continued to get worse, and a few months later we saw another neurologist for a second opinion. He confirmed that there was a neurological issue and put her through a series of tests and prescribed medications to treat it (I remember Aricept being one of them, but I think there were others). It was a long, slow, painful battle, and she ended up forgetting we were married. I had to put her in a memory care facility in Feb. 2014. I visited her frequently, and she was always happy to see me; she didn't remember I was her husband, but knew we had some kind of relationship (the head nurse said that Dawn apparently thought we were dating). I expected her to be there for years, but she had a stroke around Thanksgiving, and then died on Dec. 14.

Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk privately about my experiences and how they might relate to your own.

-Mike/Kahoona

Mike!

It's great to see you back here. I wish the circumstances were better. --Bob

[Spock]

That sucks. Hope you can handle it as well as possible.

I had forgotten that MVLeases wife had those issues at such a young age.

[silverscreenselect]

Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement. She does seem to be adjusting better gradually, and we'll have her TV service up and running on Monday so she'll have something to watch in the evenings. I'm appreciating every day I have with her where she still connects with me and her surroundings.

[Vandal]

Sorry to hear this news, Steve. Hope it all works out for you.

[gsabc]

I am sorry that you and the family are going through this. We have a good neighbor with Alzheimer's and know the problems. Take care of yourselves.

[flockofseagulls104]

I am sending prayers to you and your family.

[wbtravis007]

I am so saddened to hear this. It has been so evident through the years that we’ve been here how much y’all have meant to each other, and what a wonderful relationship you’ve had.

This is such a heavy burden, especially considering the other challenges you’re having. My heart goes out to both of you.

[Weyoun]

I am terribly sorry.

“I know, John... I do know... I can't get the fog to clear.”

[ghostjmf]

So sorry to hear.

If you have $50,000.00 just hanging around look into the tests of FGF-1? being done in the British Virgin Islands. US tests should be in 3 years & not cost. Drug is to grow new fibroblasts in Parkinson's victims, which I am, but there's evidence it clears up plaques in Alzheimer's victims too.

I'm seriously considering the British Virgin Islands trip even though my $$ isn't just hanging around. Want to see if getting aortic valve replaced, which a study has a 50% chance of picking me for, has miraculous results 1st.

Else I don't even know if I'll be ambulatory at all in 3 years.