Jan. 20: President Trump delivers his inaugural address. Highlights include "I know you are but what am I," "Takes one to know one," and the classic "I'm rubber and you're glue..."
Feb 5: The Cowboys play the Patriots in Super Bowl LI. The rest of the country agrees that this is a worse choice than Trump-Clinton.
Apr. 1: Trump apologizes for his past conduct and promises to lead the nation with dignity.
Spoiler
He then yells, "April Fool, bitches!"
Aug. 7: Belgium no longer exists.
Sept. 23: Saturday Night Live begins its season with Alec Baldwin doing a hilarious impression of Trump.
Sept. 25: SNL is cancelled and Alec Baldwin begins his prison sentence.
October: Toronto plays Washington in the World Series. The Blue Jays have a lot of support from the Americans who have moved to Canada.
November: Instead of the traditional pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkey, Trump calls the turkey a loser and one of his sons shoots it.
Dec. 10: America celebrates New Year's Eve three weeks early because everyone just wants to get this year over with.