An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
For the bored lawyers
-
Bob Juch
- Posts: 27132
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:58 am
- Location: Oro Valley, Arizona
- Contact:
For the bored lawyers
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)
Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)
Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.
-
SpacemanSpiff
- Posts: 2487
- Joined: Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:33 pm
- Location: Richmond VA
- Contact:
Re: For the bored lawyers
Don't get me started on the lawyer-at-the-pearly-gates jokes. I have a couple already racked up.
"If you're dead, you don't have any freedoms at all." - Jason Isbell
-
geoffil
- Posts: 1566
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:43 am
- Location: Chicago
Re: For the bored lawyers
I would enjoy reading them. Please post.Don't get me started on the lawyer-at-the-pearly-gates jokes. I have a couple already racked up.
-
BackInTex
- Posts: 13737
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:43 pm
- Location: In Texas of course!
Re: For the bored lawyers
The Pope and a lawyer died and went to heaven.geoffil wrote:I would enjoy reading them. Please post.Don't get me started on the lawyer-at-the-pearly-gates jokes. I have a couple already racked up.
God came to them and said, "Follow me and I will give you your rooms." So they both followed.
First God gave the Pope his room; it was very small with a small bed and a small desk. "Thank you, thank you my lord," said The Pope.
Then God gave the lawyer his room; it was big room with a big bed and a big deck with a pool and a pretty woman.
"God, why are you giving this magnificent room to me and the small one to The Pope?" the lawyer asked.
"Well, we get popes by the dozens, but you're our first lawyer."
..what country can preserve it’s liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? let them take arms.
~~ Thomas Jefferson
War is where the government tells you who the bad guy is.
Revolution is when you decide that for yourself.
-- Benjamin Franklin (maybe)
~~ Thomas Jefferson
War is where the government tells you who the bad guy is.
Revolution is when you decide that for yourself.
-- Benjamin Franklin (maybe)
-
BackInTex
- Posts: 13737
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:43 pm
- Location: In Texas of course!
Re: For the bored lawyers
A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed.
The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is, "All lawyers are idiots."
A man sitting in the corner shouts, "I take offense to that!"
The pissed-off guy asks him, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"
He replies, "No, I'm an idiot."
The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is, "All lawyers are idiots."
A man sitting in the corner shouts, "I take offense to that!"
The pissed-off guy asks him, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"
He replies, "No, I'm an idiot."
..what country can preserve it’s liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? let them take arms.
~~ Thomas Jefferson
War is where the government tells you who the bad guy is.
Revolution is when you decide that for yourself.
-- Benjamin Franklin (maybe)
~~ Thomas Jefferson
War is where the government tells you who the bad guy is.
Revolution is when you decide that for yourself.
-- Benjamin Franklin (maybe)
-
TheMichiganBarAssociation
- Merry Man
- Posts: 73
- Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2011 9:04 am
- Location: Kangaroo Court
Re: For the bored lawyers
It should be noted that we are printing off copies of this thread to use as evidence in a potential lawsuit against The Bored et. al. for the despicable crime of libel! Or is it slander? We need a short recess while our paralegal looks that up for us...
---Dewey, Cheatham & Howe and Bob, Attorneys at Law
-
Bob78164
- Bored Moderator
- Posts: 22159
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:02 pm
- Location: By the phone
Re: For the bored lawyers
Truth is a complete defense. --BobTheMichiganBarAssociation wrote:It should be noted that we are printing off copies of this thread to use as evidence in a potential lawsuit against The Bored et. al. for the despicable crime of libel! Or is it slander? We need a short recess while our paralegal looks that up for us...
"Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear." Thomas Jefferson
-
themanintheseersuckersuit
- Posts: 7635
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:37 pm
- Location: South Carolina
Re: For the bored lawyers
According most Doctors, what happens if you give Viagra to a lawyer?
they get taller
they get taller
Suitguy is not bitter.
feels he represents the many educated and rational onlookers who believe that the hysterical denouncement of lay scepticism is both unwarranted and counter-productive
The problem, then, is that such calls do not address an opposition audience so much as they signal virtue. They talk past those who need convincing. They ignore actual facts and counterargument. And they are irreparably smug.
feels he represents the many educated and rational onlookers who believe that the hysterical denouncement of lay scepticism is both unwarranted and counter-productive
The problem, then, is that such calls do not address an opposition audience so much as they signal virtue. They talk past those who need convincing. They ignore actual facts and counterargument. And they are irreparably smug.
-
SpacemanSpiff
- Posts: 2487
- Joined: Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:33 pm
- Location: Richmond VA
- Contact:
Re: For the bored lawyers
BiT got one of the two I had cued up. So I'll give the other.
One day at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter was announcing the new arrivals. Then he came across Mr. Allen, a lawyer.
St. Pete says, "Wow, you lived a long life! I see that you were over 230 years old when you died!!"
Mr. Allen, Esq. says, "Strange, I was 74 when I died."
St. Pete looks at the document again. "Oh, I see the problem. We were basing your age upon your billable hours!"
And since we've gone into general lawyer jokes, I'll tell one that kills two birds with one stone.
New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps per capital in the US. Washington DC has the most lawyers per capita. Why is that?
One day at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter was announcing the new arrivals. Then he came across Mr. Allen, a lawyer.
St. Pete says, "Wow, you lived a long life! I see that you were over 230 years old when you died!!"
Mr. Allen, Esq. says, "Strange, I was 74 when I died."
St. Pete looks at the document again. "Oh, I see the problem. We were basing your age upon your billable hours!"
And since we've gone into general lawyer jokes, I'll tell one that kills two birds with one stone.
New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps per capital in the US. Washington DC has the most lawyers per capita. Why is that?
Spoiler
New Jersey had first pick.
"If you're dead, you don't have any freedoms at all." - Jason Isbell
-
K.P.
- Posts: 368
- Joined: Tue May 25, 2010 7:13 pm
Re: For the bored lawyers
I was gonna guess...SpacemanSpiff wrote: New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps per capital in the US. Washington DC has the most lawyers per capita. Why is that?
Spoiler
New Jersey had first pick.
Spoiler
DC is downstream from New Jersey.
-
Bob78164
- Bored Moderator
- Posts: 22159
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:02 pm
- Location: By the phone
Re: For the bored lawyers
All right, all right. It's time to put this thread on hiatus. Today is National Love Your Lawyer Day. --Bob
"Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear." Thomas Jefferson
-
BackInTex
- Posts: 13737
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:43 pm
- Location: In Texas of course!
Re: For the bored lawyers
I was going to call BS on that, but I checked, and Houston is actually having a parade downtown to celebrate.Bob78164 wrote:All right, all right. It's time to put this thread on hiatus. Today is National Love Your Lawyer Day. --Bob
Here is a news photo:
Spoiler
Downtown Houston Celebrates National Love Your Lawyer Day - 2015
..what country can preserve it’s liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? let them take arms.
~~ Thomas Jefferson
War is where the government tells you who the bad guy is.
Revolution is when you decide that for yourself.
-- Benjamin Franklin (maybe)
~~ Thomas Jefferson
War is where the government tells you who the bad guy is.
Revolution is when you decide that for yourself.
-- Benjamin Franklin (maybe)