When you die, somebody's gotta throw your stuff away...

[Flybrick]

My mother passed away early last week.

Although sad, she was 89 and after a few weeks of rapidly declining health, she passed away quietly with all four children in attendance (Dad died 16 years ago).

She lived in Macon, GA. I flew in from Omaha and arrived at the hospital at 0200.

Oldest brother from Texas arrived 0500.

She slipped the surly bonds around 0730 never waking up.

Middle brother and sister, who live locally, have carried the lion's share of time and attention for her, especially these last three weeks. Sister is a partner in a large area CPA firm and middle brother is a banker, so this has been very trying for both of them personally and professionally.

Whirlwind of dealing with notifying extended family, arranging mortuary details both locally and at the North Carolina cemetery where she was laid to rest beside my Dad, not to mention driving there, then picking up my wife and daughter, then the service, etc, etc, etc.

Not fun, but something we all probably have or will face.

Since my two local siblings had carried so much of the load lately, I took vacation to deal with packing up her assisted living two-bedroom apartment for the past week. There's no issue with anyone wanting 'stuff' since Mom had specifically bequeathed things that were important to her to us siblings. The rest of it was just her stuff that none of us needed/wanted since I'm the youngest at 51 and we all have all the 'stuff' we need/want.

So I'm the one to go through a lifetime's worth of photos, cards, transcripts, awards, newspaper clippings, clothes, etc, etc, etc, disposing of most it to charity or the trash.

The unoriginal realization hit me that everything we typically worry about or care about when we are breathing really isn't once the body reaches ambient temperature.

We are nothing. We each will have to find out if there's something on the other side of that cosmic on/off switch.

And somebody will have to throw away our stuff...

Vale, Josephine.

[ghostjmf]

My condolences for your mother's passing.

[Bob78164]

I'm sorry for your loss. --Bob

[jarnon]

My condolences, Flybrick.

Your family's memories and feelings for your mom are her real legacy. They're so much more important than her stuff.

[silvercamaro]

I'm sorry, Flybrick. Hugs to you and your family.

[Bob Juch]

I'm sorry to hear that.

There are times I'm glad I had a small family.

[Kazoo65]

My brother and I are already doing the clean-out stuff bit. We had to move Mom into an assisted living place last fall because she developed vascular dementia.

Cleaning out 45 years' worth of stuff is hard. We've got gobs of family photos and slides to sort, clothes to donate to Goodwill, furniture to dispose of, and other various items to figure out what to do with. We've only done the first floor-the basement is still full of things to go through.

[BackInTex]

I'm truly sorry for your loss. I'm happy for you that you could be there before she passed, even if she was never aware.

[MarleysGh0st]

Condolences to you and your family.



So true about the stuff. If MarleysMom had been around to supervise going through her stuff, the job would never have been done, since every single item would have to find a new home that was just right. As it is, I've still got a small pile of boxes in my bedroom, remnants of the stuff brought back from MarleysParent's home when I sold it, two years ago.

I'm wondering if the pile will still be there for MarleysNephew to deal with, some day...

[Snaxx]

My condolences to you and your family.

[mellytu74]

Condolences and prayers from here, Flybrick.

[Vandal]

Sorry for your family's loss.

Hope your stuff issue gets resolved quickly.

[a1mamacat]

So sorry for your loss.

I have been able to convince Mom to start doing her own stuff, finally. She had to deal with and elderly friend's stuff last spring, so she know she doesn't want us to have to do it for her.

[elwoodblues]

I am sorry for your loss.

[Beebs52]

Hugs and prayers.

[jaybee]

I am sorry you are going through this always difficult time.

Having lost both my parents many years ago, I would say this: As you go through through everything, pick one or two things that spark a memory. Doesn't have to be something big or valuable. These little items are the things that remain special every time you see them. Get rid of the rest.

[TheConfessor]

I add my condolences to you and your family.

Having to clear out my parents' house a few years ago changed my attitude toward accumulating and collecting a lot of stuff. I have always tended to hang on to anything that had any personal memories attached to it, but I now realize that all the mundane clutter can wind up owning you more than you own it, and it won't have any meaning to anyone after I'm gone. Keeping a lot of stuff also makes it hard to find specific things when you really need them.

[silverscreenselect]

The unoriginal realization hit me that everything we typically worry about or care about when we are breathing really isn't once the body reaches ambient temperature.

We are nothing. We each will have to find out if there's something on the other side of that cosmic on/off switch.

And somebody will have to throw away our stuff.

Sorry to hear about your loss.

As Shelley said:

I MET a Traveler from an antique land,
Who said, "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desart. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read,
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is OZYMANDIAS, King of Kings."
Look on my works ye Mighty, and despair!
No thing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that Colossal Wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

[themanintheseersuckersuit]

I am so sorry for your loss

[Bob Juch]

I add my condolences to you and your family.

Having to clear out my parents' house a few years ago changed my attitude toward accumulating and collecting a lot of stuff. I have always tended to hang on to anything that had any personal memories attached to it, but I now realize that all the mundane clutter can wind up owning you more than you own it, and it won't have any meaning to anyone after I'm gone. Keeping a lot of stuff also makes it hard to find specific things when you really need them.

Twelve years ago everything I owned fit in the back of my Bronco. When I moved here from Raleigh it took two 16' PODS and even then I had to leave stuff behind. I now have half of a two-car garage full of stuff that won't fit in my house.

[tlynn78]

Sorry for your loss, Flybrick.

[SportsFan68]

I'm sorry for your loss, Brick. Thinking of you in the difficult days ahead . . .

[Flybrick]

Thanks to all.

I really am okay with the natural progression of life with the passing of my mother.

I was/am struck by the "nothingness of it all," hence my post.

Guess if your family and friends care enough to say good-bye, that's a win.

[jarnon]

I was startled when the Rabbi's sermon yesterday evening was on this exact subject. (I confess that I checked out out the Bored on my iPhone during the sermon; hope the Rabbi didn't notice.)

He expounded on Exodus 16:32-34:

Moses said, “This is what the Lord has commanded: ‘Take an omer of manna and keep it for the generations to come, so they can see the bread I gave you to eat in the wilderness when I brought you out of Egypt.’” So Moses said to Aaron, “Take a jar and put an omer of manna in it. Then place it before the Lord to be kept for the generations to come.” As the Lord commanded Moses, Aaron put the manna with the tablets of the covenant law, so that it might be preserved.

The Rabbi was amazed that a plain jar of food had such a place of honor.

Then he described cleaning out his parents' house after they died. He kept some ordinary objects, worthless to anyone else, because they reminded him of his boyhood, or they belonged to his great-grandparents and provided a connection across generations.

[christie1111]

I am sorry for your loss.

But I understand your comments about how this is a natural progression.

I am sometimes surprised how I am not more upset about my Mother passing away a couple of years ago. I felt like we were really close. I miss her, and there have been many days when I wish I could pick up the phone and tell/ask her something, but I understand that she was done and didn't fight more at the end.

For some that might be hard to understand.