Oh joy; new colonoscopy protocol

[ghostjmf]

So I'm scheduled to have one again. Its been 10 years. Last time the 1st bowel-cleaning stuff didn't work well enough, so I had to redo the procedure with a different, only-slightly-less-vile substance, though a lot more of it.

Now they've changed the protocol yet again. A new laxative, which I don't know if I will be able to tolerate or not, & rules that you can't eat raw fruits or vegetables for 5 days before. For me this is a real killer, since I'm mostly living on fruits & vegetables these days. And mostly raw, not because I'm in some sort of belief-cult but because most fruits, especially, taste better to me that way.


So I guess I'll be on overcooked (to me; I'm sure that's what they mean) green beans & home-made (to avoid added sugar, because of my diabetes) applesauce for 5 days.


And the protocol says "if you're regularly constipated, get some Gatorade". I like Gatorade almost as much as the previous bowel-cleaning stuff, which is to say, if you are still wondering, not at all, so imagine when I flip forward in the instructions to where it says "mix the bowel-cleanser with 2 quarts of Gatorade, but not red Gatorade". I am not regularly constipated, so assumed I could skip the Gatorade part, & mix this stuff with water. I will now have to call them to discuss. And they mention "sipping through a straw" but not with ice, which I found 10 years ago, almost too late, would have helped a lot to get it down.


They also now have you reserving 1/2 the awful stuff for 4 hours before the procedure. I'd like to be already on site when I drink this, so as not to have to ride the T right after having drunk a laxative, but my procedure is at 10:15am & to drink the stuff at the hospital 4 hours before the procedure I'd have to lug it with me when the T starts running, at 5:30am. Hmmm.


I also have to line someone up, again, to escort me home after the procedure or they won't do it at all, which is going to be hard, again.

[littlebeast13]

I also have to line someone up, again, to escort me home after the procedure or they won't do it at all, which is going to be hard, again.

All you have to do is ask. And don't worry, the brakes are the one thing on the LBN I can assure you are in good working order...

lb13

[jaybee]

You may want to check with your doctor - there are two kinds of vile stuff. Both really horrible but vile stuff #1 is mixed where you need to dilute it so that it makes a couple of quarts of just-as-vile stuff while vile stuff #2 is two much smaller bottles (maybe half a cup) that you can mix in any amount of good stuff (like Gatorade). The second version is taken at two times during the day before your procedure. So by the time you are commuting in the morning there's nothing left inside to worry about.

I do know that vile stuff #2 is much more expensive than vile stuff #1. My insurance covered the smaller, more expensive version and after comparing notes with friends who went through two quarts of vile stuff #1 I'm sure it was worth it. While it's still vile (like cough syrup on steroids) you can gulp it down in two or three swallows and get it over with fast.

On the plus side - when they do this procedure and find bad stuff inside - then you get to do this every three years instead of ten.

[SpacemanSpiff]

Maybe they should have sent the new method to you via certified mail.

[ghostjmf]

They want me to buy 238 grams of Miralax, without a prescription. Meaning I will be paying for it, whatever it costs, not the insurance paying $5.00. What they gave me before, which worked fine, I'll have to look up. What they gave me before that, which didn't work sufficiently, & was the vilest of all, was Fleet Oral Enema. What a lovely name.


The Miralax gets mixed in 2 quarts of whatever. They say Gatorade but I'm going to ask for a pass on that. I drink 1/2 starting at 6:00pm the night before, the other 1/2 4 hours before the procedure, which in my case means I get to drink it at 6:00am. I hope to get to the hospital by then & drink it there, in their lovely restroom. Otherwise I'm not going to make it to the hospital, I don't think. Apparently, being "cleaned out" the night before, like they used to want, is no longer good enough.


I also have to take 2 Bisacodyl tablets, also non-prescription, at 4:00pm the day before. No idea what these will do to me.


At 9:00pm & 10:00pm I'm supposed to take gas tablets I will have bought, non-prescription; Gas-X, Mylanta Gas, Maalox Anti-Gas, I have my choice; never taken any of these before.


This is all way more complicated than the previous protocols, which were "drink vile stuff the night before, sh*t your brains out".

[ghostjmf]

Well, an emergency visit to the nurse-practitioner to ascertain that I do not, in fact, look like I have an ear infection (it just feels like I do) got me a chance to discuss the Gatorade requirement; they think the gastro people are urging Gatorade so that you don't deplete your electrolytes with all that sh*tting your brains out, & that I could substitute something called "smart water" for G-ade to get some electrolytes back. I'll just have to see if "smart water" tastes as noxious as Gatorade.


Nurse-pract also insists the new protocol is less awful than previous protocols, & that's why it is the new protocol. But they're young & have never been through it, I don't think.

[Bob Juch]

Well, an emergency visit to the nurse-practitioner to ascertain that I do not, in fact, look like I have an ear infection (it just feels like I do) got me a chance to discuss the Gatorade requirement; they think the gastro people are urging Gatorade so that you don't deplete your electrolytes with all that sh*tting your brains out, & that I could substitute something called "smart water" for G-ade to get some electrolytes back. I'll just have to see if "smart water" tastes as noxious as Gatorade.


Nurse-pract also insists the new protocol is less awful than previous protocols, & that's why it is the new protocol. But they're young & have never been through it, I don't think.

Smartwater (a product from Coca-Cola) has fewer electrolytes than Gatorade and costs about twice as much.

[SpacemanSpiff]

Smartwater (a product from Coca-Cola) has fewer electrolytes than Gatorade and costs about twice as much.

Corporate America at work! It's like when Hardee's replaced their iconic cinnamon-raisin biscuits a few months back with some kind of "cinnamon pull-apart" -- it wasn't as good, and cost 50% more! (Hardee's has, as of this week, returned the cinnamon-raisin biscuits, and done some heavy advertising promoting that they have done so; not sure what the cost is now compared to before, though.)

[ghostjmf]

I had one swig of Gatorade when it 1st came out, way-back-when, & that was enough for me. In fact, the closest taste-comparison I can make is the product prescribed to me for my last colonoscopy prep. So if "smart water" doesn't taste as bad, it will be worth its double cost. And if it does taste nearly as bad, I will just be electrolyte-depleted for a while.

[SportsFan68]

I had one swig of Gatorade when it 1st came out, way-back-when, & that was enough for me. In fact, the closest taste-comparison I can make is the product prescribed to me for my last colonoscopy prep. So if "smart water" doesn't taste as bad, it will be worth its double cost. And if it does taste nearly as bad, I will just be electrolyte-depleted for a while.

JMHO, SmartWater tastes much better than Gatorade.

[Beebs52]

I am feeling your pre-pain. I'm up Nov. 24th for one. My friend here at work said she got some new, gatoradey thing that was better than the Supra Prep and didn't make her throw up. I asked the doc about it and it sounds like it's what you're describing. Miralax and gatorade, etc. I HATE gatorade. The thought of it makes me wanna vomit. Also, there's MORE liquid to drink with that one than the nasty tasting one. That's according to the doc's office.

So, I'm going to suffer through the viscous, battery-acidy-liquid-from-Mt. Doom-hopefully-no-puke-fest-producing Supra Prep, and I will WILL my stomach to not react. Also, maybe not drink so many liquids/eat jello prior.

It all f!@#$%@ sucks, regardless.

[Ritterskoop]

Gatorade tastes a lot less like metal than it did to me originally, but the reason is that now it includes high fructose corn syrup like everything else, though not as much as many drinks. A 32-ounce bottle still has only about 240 calories, plenty for restoration during a 3- or 4-hour walk, of which Mom and I have been doing a lot lately. It still has the salts to replace what you sweat out, but they don't taste bad anymore.

I like all of the blue Gatorade flavors, and really, any of the flavors that don't have false sugars (the no-calorie versions). I hate those fake sugars in any treatment but they are way worse in drinks. I bet there is a taste gene we have for that.

[ghostjmf]

I'm pretty sure diet sweeteners tasting bad is genetic. I've lately been reading/hearing about people with more bitter-taste receptors being supersensitive to various tastes, too. Apparently you can dye your tongue with something harmless & count how many bitterness receptors you have.


I happily don't have that sensitivity to diet sweeteners; my dad did, my sister does. I secretly thought my dad was just saying that because he craved the sugar in the regular soda, because he was a "is there some tea in there with the sugar & lemon" kind of tea-maker, but when my sister tells me she has it too, I believe them both now.


And I have a friend who can be a real pill (I hope they're not reading this) about all the foods that taste bad to them, & they are legion; they have to just politely ask the restaurant "does it have onions, cilantro, green peppers, mushrooms (though they like some mushrooms)" in it & not order the dish & then make faces & comments about how awful it tastes.


At least people to whom stuff tastes bad know right away when they're given it. People with digestive incapacities are in a lot worse trouble. My sister doesn't necessarily know you've put mint or rosewater in something until her throat starts closing up on her, so she has to be vigilant about these things. I get stomach distress from onion mold; a lot of cooks just peel off the molded layers to get to the OK layers & use that onion, but the residual mold still affects me, & crab, which I normally wouldn't eat anyway by kosher rules but those crab rangoons slid under my radar as I thought they were just nice wontons with cream cheese in them. My sister gets the throat-closing effect from certain varieties of crab but not others.


Gatorade didn't taste like metal to me, but something far worse. And I'd have to drink the "diet" version anyway, because of the diabetes. I'm going to call the gastro group & plead with them about the Gatorade; if it doesn't magically help the intestinal cleanout, I'm not drinking any. I can get my electrolytes other ways.


Edited here to clarify that what my sister has with the mint & rosewater (& roses in general) is an allergic reaction; her immune system is involved. Generally is, with "throat closing up" as a symptom. Digestive incapacities that lead to intestinal distress, to put it mildly, generally don't involve the immune system, but that the victims lack some enzyme to digest something properly. The "something" winds up in some midway state of digestion (they've been turned into something chemically or physically irritating) which causes great distress to the body trying to get rid of it.

[Bob Juch]

I'm pretty sure diet sweeteners tasting bad is genetic. I've lately been reading/hearing about people with more bitter-taste receptors being supersensitive to various tastes, too. Apparently you can dye your tongue with something harmless & count how many bitterness receptors you have.


I happily don't have that sensitivity to diet sweeteners; my dad did, my sister does. I secretly thought my dad was just saying that because he craved the sugar in the regular soda, because he was a "is there some tea in there with the sugar & lemon" kind of tea-maker, but when my sister tells me she has it too, I believe them both now.


And I have a friend who can be a real pill (I hope they're not reading this) about all the foods that taste bad to them, & they are legion; they have to just politely ask the restaurant "does it have onions, cilantro, green peppers, mushrooms (though they like some mushrooms)" in it & not order the dish & then make faces & comments about how awful it tastes.


At least people to whom stuff tastes bad know right away when they're given it. People with digestive incapacities are in a lot worse trouble. My sister doesn't necessarily know you've put mint or rosewater in something until her throat starts closing up on her, so she has to be vigilant about these things. I get stomach distress from onion mold; a lot of cooks just peel off the molded layers to get to the OK layers & use that onion, but the residual mold still affects me, & crab, which I normally wouldn't eat anyway by kosher rules but those crab rangoons slid under my radar as I thought they were just nice wontons with cream cheese in them. My sister gets the throat-closing effect from certain varieties of crab but not others.


Gatorade didn't taste like metal to me, but something far worse. And I'd have to drink the "diet" version anyway, because of the diabetes. I'm going to call the gastro group & plead with them about the Gatorade; if it doesn't magically help the intestinal cleanout, I'm not drinking any. I can get my electrolytes other ways.

The stuff in the yellow packets and Stevia (green packets) taste good to me but I can't stand any of the others.

[ghostjmf]

Good news from the endogastrowhatever dept is that I don't have to mix Miralax with Gatorade, I can mix with water. And substitute some other electrolyte-adding solution in between doses of laxative, but its not really important to them. They said that whether you get told to buy Miralax (& Gatorade) or whether you get prescribed GoLightly, the stuff I had to drink last time, depends on what doctor you get. Lets just hope this works; at least the GoLightly did. Also, I can hang out all day until my escort gets off work, which will make it easier to find one, "but there's no food in the unit where you'll be waiting". That's OK; I can bring food with me. I feel it will be the least of my worries.


And the "cook your fruits & veggies to death" is because fruit & veggie fiber, usually a good thing, was causing suspicion on scoping. Which is what I'd thought. They also let spill that if I don't religiously observe this one (though I will try) it won't screw up the whole test.

[Bob Juch]

Good news from the endogastrowhatever dept is that I don't have to mix Miralax with Gatorade, I can mix with water. And substitute some other electrolyte-adding solution in between doses of laxative, but its not really important to them. They said that whether you get told to buy Miralax (& Gatorade) or whether you get prescribed GoLightly, the stuff I had to drink last time, depends on what doctor you get. Lets just hope this works; at least the GoLightly did. Also, I can hang out all day until my escort gets off work, which will make it easier to find one, "but there's no food in the unit where you'll be waiting". That's OK; I can bring food with me. I feel it will be the least of my worries.


And the "cook your fruits & veggies to death" is because fruit & veggie fiber, usually a good thing, was causing suspicion on scoping. Which is what I'd thought. They also let spill that if I don't religiously observe this one (though I will try) it won't screw up the whole test.

I hope everything comes out all right in the end.