Going to a therapist

[Timsterino]

Hi all,

Some of you know me personally so it is kinda weird posting this here but here it goes. I have been battling depression for several months now and at first I thought it would get better. It seems to have gotten worse and I am now at the point when I would burst out into tears for no reason (I am not known to cry that much).

So I decided to call EAP (Employee Assistance Plan) and they set me up to talk with a Psychologist. I am nervous as you can imagine and just worried about going, etc. What I am more worried about is what would happen if I didn't go.

Any of you have any thoughts on the subject that you would care to share in public or private? I appreciate your ear and words of wisdom.

Thanks,
Tim ( not looking for pity, just support)

[silvercamaro]

I don't have any first-hand experience with psychologists as a client, although there are times that I could have used some professional advice and/or a conk on the noggin. From a second-hand standpoint, I think you will find it helpful to have someone on which you can unload your worries and frustrations.

I do have first-hand experience with depression, which I eventually realized seems to come and go, in varying degrees of intensity, in long cycles. The important part of that is that it does go. Hang in there. If at any time you want to unload on us -- or yell at us -- or tell us that your world is screwed up, and it's all our fault, feel free to do so. Collectively and individually, we have broad shoulders.

[fantine33]

Disclaimer: I speak only from my own personal thoughts and individual experience in this matter. I am not licensed to practice anything other than shifting gears.

First off, congratulations! You've taken the most important steps already, admitting it, considering treatment and seeking help.

I think it's really helpful to 'click' with your psychologist, but you will probably hate him at first. Because he's making you face things that hurt you.

I think it's the nature of the beast and a form of self protection to fight against it and do whatever you can to keep from giving your therapist the information he/she needs to help you do the work. And ultimately it's you who will have to do the work. But the sooner you accept that you really do have to give yourself over to the process, the easier it is to finally break through that wall and really connect with your therapist.

Realize that just when you think you might have made things worse is right before it finally starts to get better. I think the psyche is like a muscle, you have to break it down in order for it to get stronger.

And, even though other people may be of the best intentions, don't let them give you a sense of embarassment or stigma. Because this is about you and not them.

[tlynn78]

Been there, Tim. You are doing the right thing. Fannie's right, it's important to have good rapport with your doc. And I don't mean that your doc simply tells you what you want to hear, necessarily. I was resistent to medication for a long time, finally accepted it, was on it for a little more than two years, and have been off it for almost a year. If your doc thinks it could help, give it a try. It helped me for a while, then it didn't. Your mileage may vary. Seeing a doc will help you understand what you are going through, and help you find ways to deal with it. Keep in mind it might help Erica to talk to someone as well, so she has more insight in how she can help you help yourself. My best advice? Remember that whatever/wherever you are, time WILL NOT STOP here. Everything changes, the good and the bad and the indifferent. Forget taking a day at a time and focus on an hour, or ten minutes at a time when you need to.

Best of luck to you.

t,

[ne1410s]

Tim, remember above all that this condition is not a character defect: it is a problem with brain chemistry. I am so proud that you are taking the initiative to do something instead of sitting wringing your hands--"Oh, woe is me!". You have made a tremendous first step.

Best of luck to you,

Tom

[kayrharris]

I'm sorry you're going through this, but it's very common. If you were to poll us, probably more would be in the "yes, I've been depressed" group than not.

I'm glad you recognize it and are seeking help. I'm sure things will get better. Lots of hugs from me as well. Feel free to use us as a sounding board. We're good at listening and commiserating when necessary.

[jaybee]

Tim -

I'll just add that you have many, many friends here and most of us have been through some hard times. You can 'unload' on us any time, or just carry on knowing that we care and are hoping the best for you and Erika. As others have already pointed out, you're doing the right thing.

[Bob78164]

Hi all,

Some of you know me personally so it is kinda weird posting this here but here it goes. I have been battling depression for several months now and at first I thought it would get better. It seems to have gotten worse and I am now at the point when I would burst out into tears for no reason (I am not known to cry that much).

So I decided to call EAP (Employee Assistance Plan) and they set me up to talk with a Psychologist. I am nervous as you can imagine and just worried about going, etc. What I am more worried about is what would happen if I didn't go.

Any of you have any thoughts on the subject that you would care to share in public or private? I appreciate your ear and words of wisdom.

Thanks,
Tim ( not looking for pity, just support)

If you think you need help, you very probably do. The hard part is admitting it to yourself. I'm glad you did.

There's certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. I've been seeing a therapist now for twenty years. Even when I'm not in crisis, I find it helpful to have a safe place to say whatever I need to say and someone who knows my baseline.

Good luck, and please keep us posted. --Bob

[Snaxx]

Best of luck, Tim, as you definitely have my support. I have a hint of how you feel. I wonder how close I was to going to a therapist back in '05 in the months after my grandmother's death (I even posted here about being 'down'), and actually did see a therapist for some time as a teen, around the 10th or 11th grade.

John / Snaxx


.

[PlacentiaSoccerMom]

After Emma was born, I had nasty post-partum depression. I never saw a therapist, but my OB put me on anti-depressants. I took the pills for about a month, maybe a little bit more and I think that the act of taking the pill made me feel better about my situation. I felt isolated at the time, like I was alone in my depression, but in talking to friends, I found out that many people go through bad times in their lives.

I am glad that you are getting the help that you need.

[Bob Juch]

Yes, I do. While I had no formal training, I was first a volunteer then ran a crisis intervention center in Palo Alto, California from 1969 to 1977.

Most of our clients suffered form depression and often used illegal drugs and/or alcohol to self-medicate.

Since it seems that there's no overwhelming reason for you to be depressed, I'd say you have a brain chemistry problem. They have some drugs that will do wonders, however they have to try different ones until they find something that works. The ones that don't work can actually make things worse. That's why I am strongly against plain old doctors prescribing them. Thanks to the drug makers pushing doctors to prescribe their drugs to people trying to stop smoking, a lot of people have suffered severely adverse symptoms. In my not so humble opinion, only trained psychiatrists should be able to prescribe mood-altering drugs.

The class of drugs prescribed nowadays to fight depression are called selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors. I won't give you the details here as I know you can easily use Wikipedia yourself.

Before trying any drug, I would stop drinking any alcohol and seriously reduce sugar from my diet. The low following their high may be the problem. Exercise might also help.

You didn't mention it, but remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

The best of luck!

[AnnieCamaro]

Mr. Tim, I send you warm snuggles and wet kisses.

Love,
Annie

/:P\

[dodgersteve182]

You'll be fine Tim, just open up and let it all hang out. With your loving wife's support, you can't help but come out of it in a better place than you have ever been before.
Be opened minded (no pun intended) to taking anti depressants temporarily, if you are correctly diagnosed with a chemical imbalance. Sometimes drug therapy can transcend hours of psycho therapy, although they can and do work great together if that is what needed.

[Ritterskoop]

Talk therapy can be very useful when you have a blind spot. The thing about blind spots is we don't know we have them, or we would do something about them. Talk therapy is one way to discover them.

I saw someone for a few months before I figured out I have a need to help people, and I am uncomfortable when I can't. I'd gone to see her because I'd gotten nauseated one night when I was out with coworkers, and there was a nightclub next door with obviously ill people coming out (Barfing, ambulances, staggering, all that). The coworkers were mostly snickering, and I just got sicker and sicker. Once I knew the deal, I was able to watch for situations where that help impulse comes out.

Best of luck. Most folks have some thing about themselves they cannot immediately see, and this should help you uncover it.


Also be sure to get a physical. I got depressed last year and it turned out I needed more thyroid replacement hormone. Easy and cheap.

[Timsterino]

Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate your advice and support. My first session is tomorrow afternoon. I will let you all know how it goes.

Thanks again
Tim

[peacock2121]

Brain chemistry stuff can be so frustrating and confusing.

Keep searching for the right solution for you.

Yours may not be what is everyone elses.

That doesn't mean they are wrong or you are wrong.

[mrkelley23]

Good luck to you Tim.

You will come out a stronger person, and that's a good thing.

[Timsterino]

Thanks, everyone. I went to the first session and was encouraged.

I will be returning.

Bad news came in spades this week - I am losing my job of three years.

Teaching is on my horizon - so good things come out of unfortunate events.

You are all awesome folks. Thanks.

[silvercamaro]

I'm glad the session went well, Tim, but I'm sorry about the job. On the other hand, it may turn out that there were some unrecognized issues about the job that were contributing to your depression, in which case we say Good Riddance.

You will be an excellent teacher. I'm sure of that.

[Beebs52]

Hang in there, Tim. Sometimes talking to someone you don't know, to bounce stuff of of, helps you to work through things. Back when we first moved here my mom had just died, I had been going through panic attacks and all sorts of stuff was swirling around in my head. I visited a psychologist for about six months and it really did help. She was also very interactive, not just a "What do you think?" sort of person. She had opinions and suggestions.

The anti-anxiety meds didn't work for me because they made me more nervous, but for several years I had a low dose of inderol to combat stage fright when I was playing keyboard at church. At some point it became a placebo and I quit. I also worked/drove my way through panic attacks and now know how to deal with them if they should decide to start to appear.

The net net is, lean on someone else. It's good for you.

[PlacentiaSoccerMom]

I have also found that if I don't exercise regularly I am more prone to sleepless nights and moodiness.

Have you thought about scheduling time to walk with Erika every day? Or if Erika doesn't have time, load up some of your favorite music on an iPod and start taking walks by yourself four times a week.

[marrymeflyfree]

Thanks, everyone. I went to the first session and was encouraged.

Good to hear that you feel better about it. It's important to see someone that you click with, imo, so its encouraging to hear that you were encouraged. I know several people who have dealt with varying degrees of depression and whatnot, and not one has said that getting a little help was a bad idea. One very opinionated and extremely stubborn relative of mine will tell you that all therapists are full of hot air except for the one that he sees. He suffered severe depression for years, quietly, and only sought help after coming dangerously near suicide. Now, he has a different view of things and considers seeing his therapist as no different than seeing his GP for an occasional necessary checkup. I guess I'm trying to say even a true skeptic can find some relief from it and come to realize that seeking help isn't a character flaw or a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it takes a bit of wisdom and insight to take that step.

[Bixby17]

Thanks, everyone. I went to the first session and was encouraged.

I will be returning.

Bad news came in spades this week - I am losing my job of three years.

Teaching is on my horizon - so good things come out of unfortunate events.

You are all awesome folks. Thanks.

Lots of good advice in this thread.

I will say that some of the best things that have happened in my life have come from involuntarily losing jobs. That it feels awful as it is happening, but in retrospect ended up much better.

The key thing during these times of transition is to try to not look at everything all at once. To take things day to day, be organized, make lists. To give yourself control in situations where it doesn't feel like you have any. To prioritize.

The hardest part about depression is the ruminating. Tossing things around in your head often makes them feel worse than they are. Expressing your feelings to others makes you not feel as alone in your problems. It's almost like how you do better in millionaire when you talk out your reasoning instead of keeping it in your head--because thoughts you have just rattling around in your head can sound really odd once you express them.

It helps to create personal mantras for yourself to help during your difficult times. To tell yourself that this won't be forever. To tell yourself that you are ruminating, and ruminating doesn't help. Whatever the mantra is, it needs to be something that makes you feel positive, and helps stop unhelpful thoughts.

Good luck with what you are going through. That you are getting someone to help is a terrific thing.