Wedding Blog: BD**2 - 160

[gsabc]

We're stressing again. GW was sick at home Friday, and found an e-mail from our venue, asking us to make an appointment for sometime in the next month to set up the details of the whole shebang. The thing is that BD was also a recipient of this message, and didn't say boo about it. If she had, we could have arranged the appointment over the weekend. Needless to say, weekend appointments for the coordinator are the first to fill up, so I hope we can still get one. The next two weekends are unavailable to us, anyway. BD is shipping out to see FSIL this weekend, and my sister is in town next weekend.

The shipping out is another source of stress. GW is quicker to pick up on these things. She made the association between "Las Vegas" and "quick weddings" well ahead of me. The young couple has some concerns about getting housing at the base once they're married. Availability is always uncertain with the transient nature of the base inhabitants. It can be fast and no problem, but the thing is that they can't apply for housing before they're married. Part of the process documentation is a copy of the signed license. So, there has been some thought about getting married before this shindig takes place, so that they can apply earlier.

We are opposed for a variety of reasons. For one, if this ain't the real wedding, it ain't worth the money to anyone - to us, to the people buying special clothing, to the people travelling long distances to get here, and so forth. The future in-laws don't have to meet the entire family, just us, and they can do that any time, or we could even travel to them. For another, the minute BD gets married, she loses her medical coverage through GW's work. I suppose she can get it through her own work, but that's not cheap, and I don't know that it's available to her at this point.

So GW had a talk with BD about this last night. BD was not happy. I am on reinforcement duty tonight, adding my own support to the parental position here. I will start by asking if she could noodge FSIL a bit about finding a chaplain while she's with him. That's another concern, that FSIL isn't quite as committed about the wedding process as he might be. The current lack of a chaplain and the snafu on the leave do make us wonder a bit. GW's greatest fear is that he won't get the two-week leave he will need for the wedding and then the return to base with BD's worldly goods.

[christie1111]

GW's greatest fear is that he won't get the two-week leave he will need for the wedding and then the return to base with BD's worldly goods.

I understand the first part which would be a concern, of course.

What do you mean by the second?

[MarleysGh0st]

There are some miserly bachelor observations I could make here, but since they wouldn't be appreciated by those involved, I won't.

[gsabc]

GW's greatest fear is that he won't get the two-week leave he will need for the wedding and then the return to base with BD's worldly goods.

I understand the first part which would be a concern, of course.

What do you mean by the second?

Once the wedding and honeymoon are over, they (and we) have to pack BD's stuff into a truck and drive it across the country. That's why I asked earlier about the self-packing moving services, like PODS. The quote we got from PODS was well over three grand. Cheaper than a regular mover, to be sure, but still expensive and probably more than a rental truck from Ryder or U-Haul.

[PlacentiaSoccerMom]

GW's greatest fear is that he won't get the two-week leave he will need for the wedding and then the return to base with BD's worldly goods.

I understand the first part which would be a concern, of course.

What do you mean by the second?

Somebody is going to have to move BD's stuff after they get married.

[PlacentiaSoccerMom]

There are some miserly bachelor observations I could make here, but since they wouldn't be appreciated by those involved, I won't.

Wise move.

[PlacentiaSoccerMom]

So GW had a talk with BD about this last night. BD was not happy. I am on reinforcement duty tonight, adding my own support to the parental position here. I will start by asking if she could noodge FSIL a bit about finding a chaplain while she's with him. That's another concern, that FSIL isn't quite as committed about the wedding process as he might be. The current lack of a chaplain and the snafu on the leave do make us wonder a bit. GW's greatest fear is that he won't get the two-week leave he will need for the wedding and then the return to base with BD's worldly goods.

Are you sure that FSIL really wants to get married. He seems to be acting passive-aggressive about the whole thing.

[tlynn78]

I don't have Marley's' restraint, so I'm going to chime in on this:

We are opposed for a variety of reasons. For one, if this ain't the real wedding, it ain't worth the money to anyone - to us, to the people buying special clothing, to the people travelling long distances to get here, and so forth. The future in-laws don't have to meet the entire family, just us, and they can do that any time, or we could even travel to them. For another, the minute BD gets married, she loses her medical coverage through GW's work. I suppose she can get it through her own work, but that's not cheap, and I don't know that it's available to her at this point

My active duty husband and I did this. I was well into the planning (and paying) for our "june" wedding when he received word he would be stationed overseas. In order for the AF to pay for my travel (he would have to be there 6 weeks before the date of our wedding) we had to be married before his orders were cut. We made the decision for me to fly to Denver, where he was at tech school, and be married in the chapel there. I then found a new church and different (earlier) date for us to have our big wedding before he shipped out. We did not tell a lot of peeps about it, although our parents all knew, and supported our decision. I guess in your position, I'd have to ask why you are helping plan and pay for your daughter's wedding. Why would the fact of an existing marriage license affect your reasons for what you're doing? I mean, truthfully, what is a wedding, but a celebration of a couple's decision to share their lives? Are you really paying thousands of dollars for food, drink, music, flowers, clothing, etc., solely for that 5-10 minute actual ceremony or for the celebration as a whole? They (BD and FSIL) have more than just their wedding to think of, they have to make the best plans for their future, and that may include getting on the housing list as married as quickly as possible. You may want to consider honoring their decision. I can tell you without reservation that our earlier ceremony took absolutely nothing from our formal wedding celebration, with the possible exception of removing the jitters from the equation.
Let me also say that I enjoy reading your blog, mostly due to the absolute love for your family that comes through in each post.

t.

[fantine33]

We're stressing again. GW was sick at home Friday, and found an e-mail from our venue, asking us to make an appointment for sometime in the next month to set up the details of the whole shebang. The thing is that BD was also a recipient of this message, and didn't say boo about it.

I'd have a real problem with spending the time, money and stress that you seem to be on her wedding when she can't even be arsed to tell you that a venue appointment needs to be made, much less make it herself.

I wonder if that's related to why my nephews tell me that I'm the coolest aunt ever, but they're glad I'm not their mom? Ha!

Or is it possible that she really doesn't want all the hoopla but is just going through with it because she thinks that you guys do? And, if so, is she right? That could be a factor in the elopement thoughts, if there actually are any.

I also agree with tgirl's thoughts. If it's all about the show, the pomp and the circumstance, is it really worth it?

Disclaimer: My wedding plans consisted of going upstairs on my lunch hour, getting a judge to sign the paperwork and still having 45 minutes for a post-nuptial luncheon of a club sandwich and a cigarette at the diner across the street. So I obviously don't get the BFD about weddings in the first place.

Which brings me to what might actually be constructive. If it IS all about the S, P and C, then why don't they just have a judge sign the paper in order to start all the necessary Army stuff. If you're not dressed up and you're just standing around in a judge's chambers, then it doesn't really count, right? Then all of the fancy public stuff can be done as scheduled.