Wedding Blog - Big Day minus 191

[gsabc]

One item GW and I have discussed, but have not yet brought up with BD, is the idea of a prenuptual agreement. We don't have one ourselves. Of course, when we got married back in the Stone Age, the concept wasn't as popular among regular folks (read: anyone with less than a multi-million dollar net worth) as it has become. But there are some money issues here that might bear watching.

It has been said that the #1 subject of marital fights is money. GW and I both have much the same attitudes about money and spending, so there haven't been the arguments that might ensue if one of us went out and, say, bought a ticket-me-red two-seater sports car. (BTW, that's more likely to be her than me.) We are relatively well off - low interest and principal on the mortgage, two well-paying jobs that generally don't require heavy lifting, money in the bank, in stocks and in retirement accounts, etc. Although we didn't spoil the kids, or at least we don't think so, they weren't in any respect needy or lacking in the fundamentals. So BD is used to a certain lifestyle.

FSIL is in the Army. Among the traditions of the Army is being underpaid relative to their value to society as a whole. This probably dates back to prehistoric days, when your "pay" was whatever you could pillage from your victims. ("No, no, no, Gloggum! Pillage first, THEN burn!") Seeing as how pillaging is discouraged nowadays, FSIL doesn't have a lot of money. I have been led to understand that there is also an issue with a credit card balance. Future prospects are better once he leaves the Army, if he continues with his engineering studies, but till then, money is likely to be tight.

BD, assuming she doesn't break the bank with the wedding expenses, has a bit of a nest egg. Some money from her grandparents was put into a mutual fund and left there, resulting in a decent-sized cache of semi-liquid funds. She is also throwing much of her paycheck into a high-interest (relatively speaking) savings account. We bought her a car for graduation, paid for in cash and registered in her name.

It may be a while before she gets a job of her own out in CA, especially one in her field which will pay better than minimum wage. She is likely to have some issues, and is already beginning to recognize this, when she can't get something she needs (not just wants) because they don't have the money. We are doing what we can, like having her get credit cards in her own name to build her credit rating, helping her to set up a budget to pay off the college loan and car insurance, etc. We don't particularly want her to lose all this, along with her credit rating, if cash flow, or cash overall, goes south for the married couple. Hence, the thoughts about the prenup.

[christie1111]

I don't think a pre-nup can help you with your credit rating.

But what do I know.

Anyhow, I always thought they were for people who had more money to protect.

As always, thank you for sharing!

[fantine33]

I've been astounded at the dollar amounts being tossed around (I really had no idea weddings were such a BFD) but, if you've got enough to where a pre-nup is a thought, it's more understandable.

Laws vary from state to state on what debt is your responsibility because your idiot spouse went off without your knowledge and spent like a drunken sailor, but marriage accumulated debt can't be refused because of an agreement.

Pre-nups can also boomerang. Joe Simpson refused to allow Jessica to sign a pre-nup when she married big-deal star Nick Lachey while she was a relative newcomer-nobody. By the time they get divorced, the worm has turned. Boy bands are over, his solo career bombed and she's now the star of the family who has raked in huge bank. BOHICA, Simpsons!

[PlacentiaSoccerMom]

If she has a "decent-sized cache of semi-liquid funds" why doesn't she use it to pay off her college loans so that she can start her marriage debt free.

Jeff and I got married when I was 21 and he was 22. (With revisionist history, I was 11, but that's another discussion.) We both had college degrees, no bills, no debt and a small amount of money. We had one credit card each. We had no prenup and its worked for us.

Maybe you should mention the idea of a prenup and then let her decide what she wants to do.

From what I understand though, if she has money in her name only and she doesn't use it during her marriage to support the household, it stays hers. (I am not a lawyer, but I think that's how it works in California.)

[peacock2121]

Sting and I have a pre-nup. We were also in our 40's when we got married and both had assets from our own lives prior to marrying. We had both also been through the divorce process and had some history of what the 'discussions' around division of property can be like.

One question:

If FSIL had 'the money' and BD did not - would you be talking about a pre-nup?

Make sure you acknowledge the answer to this question when you speak to her about it.

Also - always remember she is getting married. That means she is making her own life and her own decisions.

[Appa23]

On a related note, has BD and FSIL had any premarital counseling? It really is a necessity nowadays. They can discover where each stands on the myriad of issues that need to be addressed in a marriage, including finances, children, religious upbringing, employment, schooling, . . . you name it. it can be helpful to know things prior to making a lifelong commitment rather than after it. (Might even help lower that high rate of people deciding to throw aside that commitment.)