Gotta love family

[fuzzywuzzy]

fwh's Dad fell and broke his hip over a week ago. He had surgery, and is now in a rehab facility. He is doing great - for a man who is 85.

Basically, my Mom in-law has taken the tact that ignorance = bliss. Not being at all pro-active in her husband's recovery, and thinking that he is doomed. fwh, has called the rehab hospital, and has found out everything, and Dad is doing fine. He has relayed all this info to Mom.

Pertinent info, fwh's family = sister (who is retired - lives in NC), and niece, who does not work - with 2 kids in school, in CA.

The "family" is wondering "WHEN" (this was in caps in their e-mail) fwh will be coming out to visit and take care of the Dad medical situation asap. Or more accurately, when he is going to take over with my Mother in-law.

This "demand" is from a family, (sorry this may piss off a few people) who are bible-toting right wingers, who on Christmas Eve 2 years ago, bascially told us to FO! Sorry, in my eyes they are hypocrits!

The problem for the "family"is my MIL. She just wants someone to chauffer her around. Here there and everywhere. She spends hours at the rehab place which is bad for my FIL, he needs to focus all his energy on getting better. Health care workers at the rehab have told fwh his Dad needs rest and exercise. Not visitors.

fwh, has told Mom, that it would only be prudent for him to come out once Dad is home, and not to overlap with his sister's visit. More importantly, everything that fwh can do, he is doing for his parents.

fuzzy

[MarleysGh0st]

fwh has my sympathy!

Where is his dad? Near you or one of the other family members?

[tlynn78]

fwh, has told Mom, that it would only be prudent for him to come out once Dad is home, and not to overlap with his sister's visit. More importantly, everything that fwh can do, he is doing for his parents

I'd say this is a more than sufficient response to their email.

Oh, and adding Piss Off might work, too. Families can be a beyotch.

t.

[Tocqueville3]

This "demand" is from a family, (sorry this may piss off a few people) who are bible-toting right wingers, who on Christmas Eve 2 years ago, bascially told us to FO! Sorry, in my eyes they are hypocrits!

Yes. This pisses me off. I am a "bible-toting right winger" and so is my husband. In the last few months my father-in-law's health has begun to fade. My husband has been a big help to his parents lately and they live three hours away from us. He has never expected his brother or sister to come help. They have come on their own. My husband has never wanted anything in return for helping his dad. He knows that by helping out he is doing what he is supposed to do.

I am really angered by such sweeping judgements from you. How dare you make the conclusion that just because someone is a Christian they are rude slackers. You have every right to be angry with your husband's family but to say that the reason they are being crappy to you and husband is because they are Christians is shameful.

[gsabc]

Yeah, I suppose you gotta love family, but sometimes they make it hard, don't they?

What is retired sister doing? Or are they expecting "the man of the family" to take charge, regardless of work and other obligations?

I felt guilty when Mom went out to stay with Sis and her family for her cancer treatment, and then for her stent operation. But Sis is five minutes from the hospital, and someone is home nearly all the time at their house in case Mom needed anything. I took care of the home front (bills, house, etc.), so I guess I did my part.

My sympathies for the two of you, and good luck with the parents and the others.

[fuzzywuzzy]

fwh has my sympathy!

Where is his dad? Near you or one of the other family members?

How is your Dad & Mom Marley?

They live in CA not too far from PSM.

fuzzy

[mrkelley23]

This "demand" is from a family, (sorry this may piss off a few people) who are bible-toting right wingers, who on Christmas Eve 2 years ago, bascially told us to FO! Sorry, in my eyes they are hypocrits!

Yes. This pisses me off. I am a "bible-toting right winger" and so is my husband. In the last few months my father-in-law's health has begun to fade. My husband has been a big help to his parents lately and they live three hours away from us. He has never expected his brother or sister to come help. They have come on their own. My husband has never wanted anything in return for helping his dad. He knows that by helping out he is doing what he is supposed to do.

I am really angered by such sweeping judgements from you. How dare you make the conclusion that just because someone is a Christian they are rude slackers. You have every right to be angry with your husband's family but to say that the reason they are being crappy to you and husband is because they are Christians is shameful.

I'm sorry you got that from this, Tocq. The impression I got was more the cognitive dissonance of having in-laws who claim to be morally just and righteous exhibiting behavior that doesn't connect with their public front. It did not read to me like fw was accusing all Christians of being hypocrites, more like "shame on my in-laws for pretending to be Christians."

[Appa23]

fwh has my sympathy!

Where is his dad? Near you or one of the other family members?

I wondered about the proximity of everyone myself.

Sympathies from me as well.

I have seen and lived this situation a great deal, albeit with more severe prognosis.

FWH has to do what he can do, based on the circumstances. While a broken hip is not good, thankfully it is not a terminal illness. It does not sound like a situation where the kids need to decide who is taking care of Mom & Dad and when. (Although, I will admit that if I lived away from my mother and was told that she broke her hip and would be "hospitalized" for a period of time, I would try to get there to spend some time, if work allowed in any way. Of course, I probably would take such action because I know how my mother acts in medical situations. Your FIL seems to take medical instructions better. )

[tlynn78]

How dare you make the conclusion that just because someone is a Christian they are rude slackers. You have every right to be angry with your husband's family but to say that the reason they are being crappy to you and husband is because they are Christians is shameful.

Fuzzy can speak for herself and doesn't need me, but I'll still chime in. I didn't get that she was saying "just because someone is a Christian they are rude slackers" - I got that she was saying: IN SPITE of being (or calling themselves) Christians, they did whatever it was they did Christmas Eve two years ago. My 'rents are "Bible-toting right -wingers" They try to live their faith, they sometimes fail. My mom, especially, sometimes wears her faith as a "badge," thankfully, however, she has recently come to recognize this in herself and is trying to overcome it. I don't know exactly what behavior Fuzzy is alluding to, but for me, it is harder to accept bad behavior from people holding themselves out to be "good Christians," so I see where she's coming from. Good for David, btw, for stepping up in a touch situation. I hope things improve for your fil.


t.

[Tocqueville3]

This "demand" is from a family, (sorry this may piss off a few people) who are bible-toting right wingers, who on Christmas Eve 2 years ago, bascially told us to FO! Sorry, in my eyes they are hypocrits!

Yes. This pisses me off. I am a "bible-toting right winger" and so is my husband. In the last few months my father-in-law's health has begun to fade. My husband has been a big help to his parents lately and they live three hours away from us. He has never expected his brother or sister to come help. They have come on their own. My husband has never wanted anything in return for helping his dad. He knows that by helping out he is doing what he is supposed to do.

I am really angered by such sweeping judgements from you. How dare you make the conclusion that just because someone is a Christian they are rude slackers. You have every right to be angry with your husband's family but to say that the reason they are being crappy to you and husband is because they are Christians is shameful.

I'm sorry you got that from this, Tocq. The impression I got was more the cognitive dissonance of having in-laws who claim to be morally just and righteous exhibiting behavior that doesn't connect with their public front. It did not read to me like fw was accusing all Christians of being hypocrites, more like "shame on my in-laws for pretending to be Christians."

I'm sorry that I got the feeling that I did, too. I am just wondering why fuzzy feels it necessary to label her husband's family as "bible-toting right wingers" when she could just say they were being jerks? By saying that they are Christians, she makes a sweeping generalization.

[MarleysGh0st]

They live in CA not too far from PSM.

It's tough when all of the family live air travel distance apart from each other.

How is your Dad & Mom Marley?

Dad's recovering fine. Mom's still the same as she's been for the past year and I don't see anything changing there. Sitting in her chair all day, she's not going to just wake up one morning and say, "Let's go bowling!"

[fuzzywuzzy]

I am really angered by such sweeping judgements from you. How dare you make the conclusion that just because someone is a Christian they are rude slackers. You have every right to be angry with your husband's family but to say that the reason they are being crappy to you and husband is because they are Christians is shameful.

That is NOT what I meant...what I meant, was from people who preach one thing, and practice another. They are NOT slackers, however, when you burn a bridge, and you try to walk over the bridge like there is nothing wrong...ah, someone is gonna get hurt! They believe they are right! And have not made ammends. That's what I mean...

We called them Christmas Eve to wish them all a Merry Christmas, they were home, but, would NOT pick-up the phone! The whole family was there including my in-laws. They eventually took the phone off the hook! What do you call that kind of treatment?

[Appa23]

I am really angered by such sweeping judgements from you. How dare you make the conclusion that just because someone is a Christian they are rude slackers. You have every right to be angry with your husband's family but to say that the reason they are being crappy to you and husband is because they are Christians is shameful.

We called them Christmas Eve to wish them all a Merry Christmas, they were home, but, would NOT pick-up the phone! The whole family was there including my in-laws. They eventually took the phone off the hook! What do you call that kind of treatment?

Not that it makes any difference in my life, but I am confused whether the refused to talk to you this past Christmas, or was this the "F.O." 2 years ago that you mentioned.

Having lived through similar events in my past, I am hoping that there can be some reconciliation in the future. Otherwise, things will just get nastier when there is a "bigger" illness or death with your parents.

[fuzzywuzzy]

I'm sorry you got that from this, Tocq. The impression I got was more the cognitive dissonance of having in-laws who claim to be morally just and righteous exhibiting behavior that doesn't connect with their public front. It did not read to me like fw was accusing all Christians of being hypocrites, more like "shame on my in-laws for pretending to be Christians."

Thanks mrKelley and tlynn...

Well, they have said that they are Christians, and vote with the Christian right. This is fact... and yet...

You know though...Tocq is right... "Judge and be Judged"

[peacock2121]

Yes. This pisses me off. I am a "bible-toting right winger" and so is my husband. In the last few months my father-in-law's health has begun to fade. My husband has been a big help to his parents lately and they live three hours away from us. He has never expected his brother or sister to come help. They have come on their own. My husband has never wanted anything in return for helping his dad. He knows that by helping out he is doing what he is supposed to do.

I am really angered by such sweeping judgements from you. How dare you make the conclusion that just because someone is a Christian they are rude slackers. You have every right to be angry with your husband's family but to say that the reason they are being crappy to you and husband is because they are Christians is shameful.

I'm sorry you got that from this, Tocq. The impression I got was more the cognitive dissonance of having in-laws who claim to be morally just and righteous exhibiting behavior that doesn't connect with their public front. It did not read to me like fw was accusing all Christians of being hypocrites, more like "shame on my in-laws for pretending to be Christians."

I'm sorry that I got the feeling that I did, too. I am just wondering why fuzzy feels it necessary to label her husband's family as "bible-toting right wingers" when she could just say they were being jerks? By saying that they are Christians, she makes a sweeping generalization.

This is what I think:

This non-bible toting non-right winger kinda expect bible-toting right wingers to be more compassionate, more generous and less selfish than 'the norm'. It is what I think you think you are. It is what I think you profess. It is what I think you tell me the bible teaches. When you fall short of that - it makes falling short even more egregious (more than when the average Joe falls short). I want to say "Practice what you preach - or quit preaching."

That does not mean, nor did I say, that when you fall short it is because you are a Christian nor does it mean that all people who fall short are Christians.

I also do not equate bible-toting right wingers to Christians.

[tlynn78]

do not equate bible-toting right wingers to Christians

Amen, sister.


t.

[Tocqueville3]

That is NOT what I meant...what I meant, was from people who preach one thing, and practice another. They are NOT slackers, however, when you burn a bridge, and you try to walk over the bridge like there is nothing wrong...ah, someone is gonna get hurt! They believe they are right! And have not made ammends. That's what I mean...

We called them Christmas Eve to wish them all a Merry Christmas, they were home, but, would NOT pick-up the phone! The whole family was there including my in-laws. They eventually took the phone off the hook! What do you call that kind of treatment?

I call that kind of treatment bad. I don't know how they justify their reasoning but they seem to have a problem.

I'm sorry if I misinterpreted what you meant but I think if the shoe were on the other foot and I was on the bored saying that part of my family were being rude to my husband and they were big old bleeding heart liberals you might get offended, too.

[Tocqueville3]

I'm sorry you got that from this, Tocq. The impression I got was more the cognitive dissonance of having in-laws who claim to be morally just and righteous exhibiting behavior that doesn't connect with their public front. It did not read to me like fw was accusing all Christians of being hypocrites, more like "shame on my in-laws for pretending to be Christians."

I'm sorry that I got the feeling that I did, too. I am just wondering why fuzzy feels it necessary to label her husband's family as "bible-toting right wingers" when she could just say they were being jerks? By saying that they are Christians, she makes a sweeping generalization.

This is what I think:

This non-bible toting non-right winger kinda expect bible-toting right wingers to be more compassionate, more generous and less selfish than 'the norm'. It is what I think you think you are. It is what I think you profess. It is what I think you tell me the bible teaches. When you fall short of that - it makes falling short even more egregious (more than when the average Joe falls short). I want to say "Practice what you preach - or quit preaching."

That does not mean, nor did I say, that when you fall short it is because you are a Christian nor does it mean that all people who fall short are Christians.

I also do not equate bible-toting right wingers to Christians.

We all fall short. No matter who we are. We all are sinners. Christian or not.

It just makes me hot under the collar when there is such glee when an evangelical Christian falls short.

Not equating bible-toting and Christian is a good practice, though.

[fuzzywuzzy]

That is NOT what I meant...what I meant, was from people who preach one thing, and practice another. They are NOT slackers, however, when you burn a bridge, and you try to walk over the bridge like there is nothing wrong...ah, someone is gonna get hurt! They believe they are right! And have not made ammends. That's what I mean...

We called them Christmas Eve to wish them all a Merry Christmas, they were home, but, would NOT pick-up the phone! The whole family was there including my in-laws. They eventually took the phone off the hook! What do you call that kind of treatment?

I call that kind of treatment bad. I don't know how they justify their reasoning but they seem to have a problem.

I'm sorry if I misinterpreted what you meant but I think if the shoe were on the other foot and I was on the bored saying that part of my family were being rude to my husband and they were big old bleeding heart liberals you might get offended, too.

I think we are in between a rock and a hard place when it comes to religion and ideology. No pun intended.

Most of my family are democrats, and would not take offense. I am used to being labeled such living in a Red State. However, I am a moderate, and think a mix of the right and the left = a good mix.

I hope tocq that you know that I was not making a blanket statement about Christians. Or the Christian right. Just our family who are NOT good representatives of their beliefs.

fuzzy

[kusch]

This is what I think:

This non-bible toting non-right winger kinda expect bible-toting right wingers to be more compassionate, more generous and less selfish than 'the norm'. It is what I think you think you are. It is what I think you profess. It is what I think you tell me the bible teaches. When you fall short of that - it makes falling short even more egregious (more than when the average Joe falls short). I want to say "Practice what you preach - or quit preaching."

That does not mean, nor did I say, that when you fall short it is because you are a Christian nor does it mean that all people who fall short are Christians.

I also do not equate bible-toting right wingers to Christians.



Pea, you are right, some people live down to your expectations of them. Not sure what kind of point I am trying to make, but this statement by you bugged me. Not a bad bug, just a bug.

Did you not tell ear to think positive instead of negative about his conference call thingie? Same thing here, don't have a negative thought about someone ahead of time.

Some people are more and less compasionate, some are more and less generous and again some are more and less selfish than others. I don't think the more or less has anything to do with anything else other than more and less. My opinion.

[peacock2121]

Pea, you are right, some people live down to your expectations of them. Not sure what kind of point I am trying to make, but this statement by you bugged me. Not a bad bug, just a bug.

Did you not tell ear to think positive instead of negative about his conference call thingie? Same thing here, don't have a negative thought about someone ahead of time.

Some people are more and less compasionate, some are more and less generous and again some are more and less selfish than others. I don't think the more or less has anything to do with anything else other than more and less. My opinion.

I am missing the connection between what I said and what bugs you about what I said and what you said.

I always value your input, I would love to understand.

Can you say what you said differently so I might understand.

[MarleysGh0st]

Fuzzy, what was the subject of the argument that got you that F.O. from your family? Was it a religious disagreement? If so, that might explain some of the relevance of why you mentioned what you did, without the need for all the speculation of what is/isn't/should/shouldn't be meant by that.

[fuzzywuzzy]

Fuzzy, what was the subject of the argument that got you that F.O. from your family? Was it a religious disagreement? If so, that might explain some of the relevance of why you mentioned what you did, without the need for all the speculation of what is/isn't/should/shouldn't be meant by that.

Picture it...Christmas Eve (your fave night of the year Marley )
And we call to wish our family a very Merry Christmas. Instead, we get the answering machine. Ok, we know that they are having the family at their home for Christmas eve celebration. fwh's parents are there too!

We know that they are home... we call back...no one picks up again. Leave a message.

fwh calls back one more time, they have taken the phone off the hook!
He knows this cause he calls the phone company, and they say that no one is on the line, its just off the hook.

When we find out why they did not pick up..."We were interuppting their family gathering" Ah, hmm, I guess they do not consider us family!

what has ensued since has not been pretty!

fuzzy

[kusch]

Pea, you are right, some people live down to your expectations of them. Not sure what kind of point I am trying to make, but this statement by you bugged me. Not a bad bug, just a bug.

Did you not tell ear to think positive instead of negative about his conference call thingie? Same thing here, don't have a negative thought about someone ahead of time.

Some people are more and less compasionate, some are more and less generous and again some are more and less selfish than others. I don't think the more or less has anything to do with anything else other than more and less. My opinion.

I am missing the connection between what I said and what bugs you about what I said and what you said.

I always value your input, I would love to understand.

Can you say what you said differently so I might understand.

I am not sure I can. I "hear" you being very "giddy" when you hear of a Christian falling short. Short being in the eyes of the beholder. Why do I not "hear" that same "giddiness" when a non-Christian falls short? I believe that you have a preconcieved idea of what a Christian and/or right-winger should be. Like I said, people live down to your expectation of them.

[MarleysGh0st]

When we find out why they did not pick up..."We were interuppting their family gathering" Ah, hmm, I guess they do not consider us family!

And there were no strained relations before this? That's just...strange.