An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

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Sir Alan Parker
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An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#1 Post by Sir Alan Parker » Thu Jun 24, 2010 8:40 pm

Part I: The Auditions

Our film begins in the auditorium of Gastonia's world-renowned Bored of the Performing Arts, where thousands of
actors, singers, and dancers are auditioning to be accepted at the Bored in the hopes that one day they will
achieve their ultimate goal: to be Lyrically Speaking players. Drama teacher Tangredi Farrell is judging his
first auditioner, Montgomery MacBeast.


Image

Montgomery: I always worry that maybe people aren't gonna like me when I go to a party. Isn't that crazy? Do
you ever get kind of a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you dread things? Gee, I wouldn't want to
miss a party for anything, but every time I go to one, I keep feeling like the whole world's against me. See,
I've spent my whole life in a place called Mecca. My mother doesn't have a place for me where she lives, and she
doesn't know what else to do with me. But you mustn't misunderstand about my mother. She's really a very
lovely person. I guess every boy thinks his mother is beautiful, but my mother really is. She tells me in every
letter she writes how sorry she is that we can't be together more but she has to think of her work. One time we
were together, though. She met me in Kansas City once and we were together for two whole days, just like we
were sweethearts. It was the most wonderful time I ever had. Then I had to go back to Mecca. Every time I walk
down that detergent aisle, I get a kind of...

Image

I get a kind of a... *long pause* I'm sorry. *flips through his application* Kind of a depressed feeling.
It's got hard stone walls. You know what I mean? *long pause* Gee, I guess I've bored you enough, telling you
about myself.

Mr. Farrell: Thank you.

Montgomery: Sorry about that. I goofed up the last couple of lines. I guess I'm nervous.

Mr. Farrell: That's OK. You did very well.

Several dancers are upstairs auditioning for the Bored's dance teachers, Miss Sliver Berg and Miss Peababe
Grant.


Image

Christie: I'm so nervous.

Image

Meganicia: I'm not singing. I'm definitely not.

Holly: But you have to.

Meganicia: But I came to dance.

Holly: You have to sing, too. And act. And play an instrument.

Christie: We have to do all three?

Holly: It says "performing arts", doesn't it?

Meganicia: Oh, you don't have to do everything.

Kiki: Sure as shit helps, baby.

Image

Miss Berg: OK, thank you. May we have the next group, please?! Hurry up! Music, please, Mini Snell. Please
pay attention! We have a lot to do today!

Image

As several auditioners descend the stairs to leave the message board, Mrs. Fanny Sherwood is moderating the
line of auditioners trying to enter.


Image

Mrs. Sherwood: Name?

Sprotsie: Excuse me, miss. You don't need his name. He's not here for the audition. He's my partner.

Mrs. Sherwood: What message board is he from?

Image

Sprotsie: Oh, he ain't into message boards. He's just helping me out with my dancing. We've been rehearsing
together. But it's me who's auditioning. Mulholland, Sprotsie. I'm all fixed up. I filled in all your papers
and all.

Mrs. Sherwood: He doesn't go upstairs without filling in his name.

Sprotsie: Fireball's his name, but it's me who's auditioning. Sprotsie Mulholland. That's two Ls. *leans over
to Mrs. Sherwood's ear* And don't ask him to make no on-topic posts. He gets real mean about that.

Mrs. Sherwood: Doesn't he talk?

Sprotsie: Well, he ain't into conversation until you get to know him.

Mrs. Sherwood: Fireball what?

Sprotsie: Johnson. Fireball Johnson. Can we go up now?

Mrs. Sherwood: Uh, he's not going up until he checks his lyrics book. *lifts up his shirt to reveal a lyrics
book stuffed in his pants*

Sprotsie: We ain't staying long enough for no trouble. He's just helping a friend, ma'am.

Mrs. Sherwood: He's not helping out anyone until he checks his lyrics book. This is the Bored of Performing
Arts. We don't cheat here.

Fireball: *pulls out lyrics book* You want it?

Mrs. Sherwood: I want it.

Fireball: You sure you want it?

Mrs. Sherwood: Yeah, I'm sure I want it.

Fireball: Promise you won't steal it, now?

Mrs. Sherwood: I promise.

Fireball lays the lyrics book on Mrs. Sherwood's table.

Sprotsie: Thanks, ma'am!

Sprotsie and Fireball go upstairs.

Fireball: Don't worry, Sprotsie Baby. *opens up his trench coat* I got lots of lyrics books.

Back in Mr. Farrell's classroom, the next auditioner is on the stage.

Image

Mr. Farrell: What are you going to do for us?

Melly: I was gonna sing.

Mr. Farrell: You don't have to sing, honey.

Image

Melly's mom: We know our rights. You can't refuse her an audition.

Mr. Farrell: She's not supposed to sing her audition. Please excuse me, if you don't mind. Thank you. *to
Melly* See, honey, you don't have to sing for us because this is the drama department.

Melly's mom: *barges in again* When she sings, it is drama.

Mr. Farrell: What's your name, honey?

Melly: Finsecker. Melly Finsecker.

Mr. Farrell: Why do you want to attend this message board, Melly?

Melly: Well, we can't afford any of the really good message boards.

Mr. Farrell: OK. Sing, and then we'll look at your acting.

Melly: I'm a little nervous.

Mr. Farrell: Just sing to your mother and don't worry about anybody else.

Melly: I don't think I can do that. I can't just stare.

Melly's mom: Press the button, Melly.

Melly pushes play on the tape player on the chair in front of her; music plays.

Melly: *nervously*

Memories
Light the corners of my mind
Misty watercolored memories
Of the way we were

Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
Of the way we were

Can it be that was all so simple, then?
Or has time rewritten every line?
If we have a chance to do it all again
Tell me
Would we?
Could we?

Memories
May be beautiful, and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget

So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were

The way we were


The next auditioner for Miss Berg's dance class is Frogman Garci.

Image

Frogman: Yeah, my father taught me how to dance. I'm not really supposed to talk about him right now because
he's doing a little bit of work for the government, but... uh, my father is very, very famous. He danced with
the Rockettes.

Miss Berg: Sure. Would you begin, please?

Frogman: I'm gonna be doing "Swanee River" for you. *to Mini Snell* Hon? "Swanee River", please. Hit
it.

Image

Image

Image

Image

Miss Berg: Uhh... why don't you try the drama department?

At another auditioning room, conducted by music teachers Marley Shorofsky and Saucy Tossoff, several men
are wheeling in keyboards, synthesizers, speakers, amplifiers, and huge boxes full of avatars.


Image

Uly: Martelli. Uly Martelli.

Image

Mr. Shorofsky: Would you like to set up your equipment, Mr. Martelli?

Uly spends several minutes moving all of his musical equipment and avatars into place.

Mr. Shorofsky: *to Mrs. Tossoff* Does he want to be a musician or a photographer? *to Uly* Mr. Martelli, we
are ready when you are. Would you care to begin?

Uly: Oh, OK. Sure.

Image

Uly begins displaying his avatars, one at a time; the pace and quantity at which he shows his avatars
gradually increases until eventually he shows 30 groups of 10 avatars per second.


Mr. Shorofsky: Mr. Martelli? Mr. Martelli? Mr. Martelli! *Uly abruptly stops cycling through his avatars*
Thank you. One avatar at a time will be quite sufficient.

Uly: You know, I could display these avatars in 4/4 if you prefer a disco beat.

Linda Clifford's "Red Light" plays.

Image

Image

Image

Miss Berg: *to Miss Grant* She's a disaster. Where's his application?

Miss Grant: He doesn't have one.

Miss Berg: Well, get him one!

Image

Image

Image

Miss Berg: *to Miss Grant* What do you call that?

Miss Grant: Wicked.

Image

Sprotsie: You're not into message boards, remember?

Fireball: Well, I'm thinking about it. Anyway, I'm into dancing.

Sprotsie: You're into ass, you mean. You don't have to go to a message board for that.

Fireball: Hey, I don't need to go to a message board for ass. I'm a married man.

Sprotsie: So is Bill Clinton. And who asked you to work my audition, anyway?

Fireball: You did. I was doing you a favor, remember?

Sprotsie: Some fat fucking favor.

Fireball hands a hall monitor a green slip of paper.

Monitor: Green. OK, take your things to the third floor and give your forms to the senior at the door.

Sprotsie hands the monitor a yellow slip of paper.

Monitor: OK, you go downstairs, change in the girls' room, and wait for him at one of the chairs in the back.

Sprotsie: I'm through? I don't have to dance anymore? Where you going, Fireball? *to the monitor* He's in
and I'm out, right? *to Fireball* Well, fuck you, Fireball! This was my audition, remember?! You're not into
message boards! This was my audition! We were rehearsing to get me onto this message board, not
you, you fucker! It's just not fair! I didn't want to come here, anyway. This message board sucks. You've
done me a favor, shithead! You saved me four fucking years from this ass-licking message board! You looking at
one happy lady! Who wants to go to a fucking message board to learn to dance, anyway?!

Image



Tune in tomorrow night for Part II of this featured presentation!

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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#2 Post by a1mamacat » Thu Jun 24, 2010 9:19 pm

'sigh'


well I guess a credit is a credit, even with no lines...










EVER! :(
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#3 Post by FannyHeartsNene » Thu Jun 24, 2010 9:29 pm

a1mamacat wrote:'sigh'


well I guess a credit is a credit, even with no lines...










EVER! :(
There's still Part II......

Besides, Saucy Tossoff is like the best promo name.......


EVER!!!!!!1
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#4 Post by a1mamacat » Thu Jun 24, 2010 9:36 pm

FannyHeartsNene wrote:
a1mamacat wrote:'sigh'


well I guess a credit is a credit, even with no lines...










EVER! :(
There's still Part II......

Besides, Saucy Tossoff is like the best promo name.......


EVER!!!!!!1


seems more like my pitching stats lately :roll:
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#5 Post by ulysses5019 » Thu Jun 24, 2010 10:31 pm

Mr. Shorofsky: Mr. Martelli? Mr. Martelli? Mr. Martelli! *Uly abruptly stops cycling through his avatars*
Thank you. One avatar at a time will be quite sufficient.

Uly: You know, I could display these avatars in 4/4 if you prefer a disco beat.
Maybe I'll try a 9/8 time signature in part ll.
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#6 Post by a1mamacat » Thu Jun 24, 2010 10:45 pm

a1mamacat wrote:
FannyHeartsNene wrote:
a1mamacat wrote:'sigh'


well I guess a credit is a credit, even with no lines...










EVER! :(
There's still Part II......

Besides, Saucy Tossoff is like the best promo name.......


EVER!!!!!!1


seems more like my pitching stats lately :roll:





then again, after careful thought...




It's a PORN NAME!!!
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#7 Post by ulysses5019 » Thu Jun 24, 2010 11:19 pm

a1mamacat wrote:
a1mamacat wrote:
FannyHeartsNene wrote:
There's still Part II......

Besides, Saucy Tossoff is like the best promo name.......


EVER!!!!!!1


seems more like my pitching stats lately :roll:





then again, after careful thought...




It's a PORN NAME!!!

But it's a really GOOD porn name.
I believe in the usefulness of useless information.

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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#8 Post by littlebeast13 » Fri Jun 25, 2010 12:19 am

ulysses5019 wrote:
a1mamacat wrote:
a1mamacat wrote:


seems more like my pitching stats lately :roll:





then again, after careful thought...




It's a PORN NAME!!!

But it's a really GOOD porn name.


ES definitely agrees.....
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#9 Post by a1mamacat » Fri Jun 25, 2010 12:33 am

You will get me committed, when the neighbours call the men in the white coats to get the hysterical laughing woman downstairs!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#10 Post by littlebeast13 » Fri Jun 25, 2010 12:34 am

a1mamacat wrote:You will get me committed, when the neighbours call the men in the white coats to get the hysterical laughing woman downstairs!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Don't worry, ES will fit right in at the looney bin......

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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#11 Post by MarleysGh0st » Fri Jun 25, 2010 6:38 am

At least we got parts in this one, Saucy.

And, hey, I'm a music teacher! I'll have these young whippersnappers abandoning that rock and roll fad and back to singing traditional tunes in no time! :mrgreen:

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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#12 Post by ulysses5019 » Fri Jun 25, 2010 7:22 am

MarleysGh0st wrote:At least we got parts in this one, Saucy.

And, hey, I'm a music teacher! I'll have these young whippersnappers abandoning that rock and roll fad and back to singing traditional tunes in no time! :mrgreen:

Yeah, traditional Irish tunes.
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#13 Post by littlebeast13 » Fri Jun 25, 2010 7:51 am

ulysses5019 wrote:
MarleysGh0st wrote:At least we got parts in this one, Saucy.

And, hey, I'm a music teacher! I'll have these young whippersnappers abandoning that rock and roll fad and back to singing traditional tunes in no time! :mrgreen:

Yeah, traditional Irish tunes.

Ugh! Not more U2!

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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#14 Post by eyégor » Fri Jun 25, 2010 8:12 am

Le sigh.

I resigned myself to being ignored by the promo department long ago. After all, unless it is a Uly Potter promo, there isn't much call for trolls in this line of work.

But seeing a Morlock cast in one still cuts me to the quick. :?

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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#15 Post by ulysses5019 » Fri Jun 25, 2010 8:14 am

littlebeast13 wrote:
ulysses5019 wrote:
MarleysGh0st wrote:At least we got parts in this one, Saucy.

And, hey, I'm a music teacher! I'll have these young whippersnappers abandoning that rock and roll fad and back to singing traditional tunes in no time! :mrgreen:

Yeah, traditional Irish tunes.

Ugh! Not more U2!

lb13

I was referring to Gilbert O'Sullivan. Or the Wicked Tinkers.
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#16 Post by littlebeast13 » Fri Jun 25, 2010 8:15 am

eyégor wrote:Le sigh.

I resigned myself to being ignored by the promo department long ago. After all, unless it is a Uly Potter promo, there isn't much call for trolls in this line of work.

But seeing a Morlock cast in one still cuts me to the quick. :?

Maybe you should hire Berg's agent.......

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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#17 Post by ulysses5019 » Fri Jun 25, 2010 8:21 am

eyégor wrote:Le sigh.

I resigned myself to being ignored by the promo department long ago. After all, unless it is a Uly Potter promo, there isn't much call for trolls in this line of work.

But seeing a Morlock cast in one still cuts me to the quick. :?

Do you want the number of my agent?
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#18 Post by Stanley Kubrick » Fri Jun 25, 2010 8:49 am

eyégor wrote:Le sigh.

I resigned myself to being ignored by the promo department long ago. After all, unless it is a Uly Potter promo, there isn't much call for trolls in this line of work.

But seeing a Morlock cast in one still cuts me to the quick. :?


Damn actors! How quickly they forget:

http://wwtbambored.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=28294
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#19 Post by eyégor » Fri Jun 25, 2010 9:35 am

Stanley Kubrick wrote:
eyégor wrote:Le sigh.

I resigned myself to being ignored by the promo department long ago. After all, unless it is a Uly Potter promo, there isn't much call for trolls in this line of work.

But seeing a Morlock cast in one still cuts me to the quick. :?


Damn actors! How quickly they forget:

http://wwtbambored.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=28294
Miss one promo, look like a fool. 8)

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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#20 Post by LarryCraig » Fri Jun 25, 2010 9:44 am

You know, I had a bit part in the actual film 30 years ago. I did a scene in the boys' room with Touchstone, who was played by a very young Isaac Mizrahi.

Bastard Alan Parker cut out our scene. :evil:
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#21 Post by ulysses5019 » Fri Jun 25, 2010 10:01 am

LarryCraig wrote:You know, I had a bit part in the actual film 30 years ago. I did a scene in the boys' room with Touchstone, who was played by a very young Isaac Mizrahi.

Bastard Alan Parker cut out our scene. :evil:

Touch....what?
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#22 Post by SportsFan68 » Sat Jun 26, 2010 7:10 pm

What a part!

Good grief, what a mouth!




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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#23 Post by christie1111 » Sun Jun 27, 2010 6:23 pm

Yay!

8)
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Re: An Alan Parker Film: Bored Fame

#24 Post by tubadave » Tue Jun 29, 2010 4:48 pm

eyégor wrote:
Stanley Kubrick wrote:
eyégor wrote:Le sigh.

I resigned myself to being ignored by the promo department long ago. After all, unless it is a Uly Potter promo, there isn't much call for trolls in this line of work.

But seeing a Morlock cast in one still cuts me to the quick. :?


Damn actors! How quickly they forget:

http://wwtbambored.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=28294
Miss one promo, look like a fool. 8)
Don't feel bad, I thought I never showed up in them either, and then I see that I've been moonlighting as a bartender. 8)
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