Wedding blog - Big Day minus 207

[gsabc]

Seven months out, and the stress is already building. Over wedding costs, over wedding decisions yet to be made, over the future of the happy couple (together and individually) ... FSIL has been taking courses in mechanical engineering in preparation for when he leaves the Army. He currently fixes generators for them, and thinks he may be working on helicopters while in CA. Mechanical engineering seemed to fit best for his future. He has told us that he doesn't plan to re-enlist when his current stint is over. His statement was that he knows that Army life isn't a good environment in which to raise kids. I haven't inquired further, but I think there are some personal issues involved with that decision, given his own upbringing.

FoTB has concerns over the situation as it stands now as well. The uncertainty of the current wars in Iraq and Afghanistan make their future, and by extension that of FSIL, problematic, to say the least. If they are still around when FSIL is due to leave the Army, or if others have cropped up, I worry about the pressures that are likely to be put on him to re-enlist once more. (Political aside: A few days before this entry, the President stated publicly that the Iraq war "might" last beyond his term in office. Excuse me, Mr. President, but "DUH!" A good portion of the country realized that two or more years ago.)

BD is glum for a variety of reasons. The wedding costs, of course (This will be a constant theme, as you have no doubt already noticed.). Her own future. Where will she find a job out there, especially in her own field (early childhood education)? She'll be three thousand miles and three time zones away from family and friends, truly on her own - except for FSIL, of course - for the first time in her life. Dad and Mom won't be right there to help with her problems. Army pay isn't big (an understatement), and BD has been steeped in the "debt is bad" attitudes of her parents. And for all I know, and I will not ask, there are some second thoughts about the whole marriage deal going on.

All this has led to sleep issues, which move on through to health problems. The fact that she works with a bunch of germy little kids doesn't help. A stomach bug is moving through her school at present, and she's trying to fight it off. Recent weekends have been less efficient than usual regarding household chores that need doing. We all sit around reading, watching movies or television, and doing other mostly unproductive activities. It's an attempt to relax, I know, but it doesn't get the basement cleaned out.

[PlacentiaSoccerMom]

Weddings are stressful.

I hope that FSIL will resist the pressure to re-enlist. How much time does he have left? Do you think that he might be stop-lossed when his commitment is finished?

[Rexer25]

It's an attempt to relax, I know, but it doesn't get the basement cleaned out.

This sounds like a cry for help, eh, Nitrah?

[Appa23]

"Where will she find a job out there, especially in her own field (early childhood education)?"

I am pretty sure that there are public school pre-K programs, preschools, and child care centers in California. Plus, when you are good at what you do, it is not hard to find a job.

BTW, did BD see that MSNBC did a story about early childhood education, discussing a study demonstrating that pre-K education based in "play" was better for a child's long-term education than "academic-based" preschool/pre-K, where the focus is one rote memorization of the alphabet, addition tables, and the like?

[gsabc]

"Where will she find a job out there, especially in her own field (early childhood education)?"

I am pretty sure that there are public school pre-K programs, preschools, and child care centers in California. Plus, when you are good at what you do, it is not hard to find a job.

So we thought around here. BD got not a single nibble from a public school department, despite having terrific qualifications and recommendations, and while the position she now has is okay, it's not what she expected. She will get raves from her current boss when it's recommendation time, though. It's too bad she's leaving. There would have been a good future in building the program the way she wanted.

The real issue is that she will be extremely restricted in where she can look for a job. Fort Irwin is about as much in the middle of nowhere as you can get. Put the zip code into Mapquest, and you have to pan out three levels before you get anything but a blank map. It's 37 miles to the nearest town.

[kayrharris]

Do they have to live there, or can they live a bit closer to a real town? He can do the commuting.

[peacock2121]

As always, I have a suggestion.

Talk to BD. You are in a better position than GW to have BD be honest and up front with what concerns her. Just because she is concerned, doesn't mean she is doing the 'wrong' thing. Have her tell you all of her 'what if's' - get them out of her head without having to do anything about them.

DO NOT TRY TO FIX ANYTHING.

Have her tell you what is rattling around in her head.