Another cruel aspect of Aspergers

[Buffacuse]

Early puberty. Seems to be a common accompanying factor--no one knows why. Your average 13 year old can barely understand and cope with puberty--now my little guy with the emotional maturity of an eight year old has to be shaved and is terrified of all the changes happening to him.

He knows it's part of growing up--but he doesn't like it. He dreads becoming an adult, but he is becoming one. His biggest fear "I won't be your boy any more."

You can only imagine how many times I've told him he always will be...

Sorry for all this--but something happened at school today I had to deal with. No trouble, no big deal--but a warning shot across the bow to accelerate the pace of those talks we've been having--much as he doesn't want to hear them.

[a1mamacat]

Early puberty. Seems to be a common accompanying factor--no one knows why. Your average 13 year old can barely understand and cope with puberty--now my little guy with the emotional maturity of an eight year old has to be shaved and is terrified of all the changes happening to him.

He knows it's part of growing up--but he doesn't like it. He dreads becoming an adult, but he is becoming one. His biggest fear "I won't be your boy any more."

You can only imagine how many times I've told him he always will be...

Sorry for all this--but something happened at school today I had to deal with. No trouble, no big deal--but a warning shot across the bow to accelerate the pace of those talks we've been having--much as he doesn't want to hear them.

Sigh

Been there, done that.



The talk is difficult, but persevere. Either that, or salt peter

[dimmzy]

My heart goes out to all of you parents with special needs children.

[owenziligation]

As a guy who has Aspergers Syndrome himself, I can tell you that it is not all that bad. It's just a mild form of autism, so anyone who has A.S. can still be very active and have same skills that people without A.S. have. After all, some of the great people in history had/have A.S. such as Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, Andy Warhol, etc. So parents of a kid with A.S. shouldn't worry about much.

Now about your son, I do agree that people with A.S. may go through early puberty as I was only 12 1/2 when I started. It's difficult for people with A.S. who are going through puberty and for the parents, but believe me. You'll both get through.

[MarleysGh0st]

Sorry for all this--

No apology necessary, Buff. We may not be able to help as much as we'd like to, but at least we can listen to you vent.

[Tocqueville3]

Sorry for all this--

No apology necessary, Buff. We may not be able to help as much as we'd like to, but at least we can listen to you vent.

Absolutely! Never ever apologize for coming to the bored with a problem. BB's are the best listeners.

[minimetoo26]

Rain Man was quite the early developer--around fourth grade or so. He likes growing up because he wants to be like his older brother. I am not allowed to tell him I love him or that he's my baby, but I can scritch him under the chin and he mews like a cat.

I had to tell him that he has to wait until a girl is 18 before he can propose to her. And maybe by then he will know that a piece of notebook paper with "Will you marry me? Check yes or no." is not what women want. That was his method in fifth grade. Mr. Smooth he is not....

[Evil Squirrel]

Rain Man was quite the early developer--around fourth grade or so. He likes growing up because he wants to be like his older brother. I am not allowed to tell him I love him or that he's my baby, but I can scritch him under the chin and he mews like a cat.

I'm lifting my chin up right now!

[MarleysGh0st]

I had to tell him that he has to wait until a girl is 18 before he can propose to her. And maybe by then he will know that a piece of notebook paper with "Will you marry me? Check yes or no." is not what women want. That was his method in fifth grade. Mr. Smooth he is not....

That's good enough for a country song!

[danielh41]

This thread caught my eye. We have a nephew with Aspergers, and we are beginning to suspect that my six year old has it. He is exhibiting some of the same characteristics that his cousin had. We've got an appointment with a child psychologist for next month, so we'll know more then. We just had to fill out a long questionairre in preparation for that appointment. Buff, how old was your son when he was diagnosed with Aspergers?

[ghostjmf]

minimetoo26 says:

And maybe by then he will know that a piece of notebook paper with "Will you marry me? Check yes or no." is not what women want. That was his method in fifth grade. Mr. Smooth he is not....

If that kind of obtuse behavior by prepubescent male humans is a sign of Aspergers, I went to school with rooms full of them.

In fact, that kind of obtuse behavior is often displayed by older male humans, only "marry" is not one of the options on the checklist.

[minimetoo26]

Rain Man was quite the early developer--around fourth grade or so. He likes growing up because he wants to be like his older brother. I am not allowed to tell him I love him or that he's my baby, but I can scritch him under the chin and he mews like a cat.

I'm lifting my chin up right now!

My son has neither mange nor fleas, rodent....

[mom2five]

It's a tough time! My daughter is 13, almost 14 and she has such a hard time dealing with "middle school dramatics". Her social skills are so not the same as her classmates. She's in 8th grade now and it has gotten a little better than 6th and 7th, but next year she'll start high school and that means a new school.....and new challenges!

What can we do but hang in there and keep trying to reassure them and ourselves that "this too will pass.."

[owenziligation]

It's a tough time! My daughter is 13, almost 14 and she has such a hard time dealing with "middle school dramatics". Her social skills are so not the same as her classmates. She's in 8th grade now and it has gotten a little better than 6th and 7th, but next year she'll start high school and that means a new school.....and new challenges!

What can we do but hang in there and keep trying to reassure them and ourselves that "this too will pass.."

This piece of advice coming from me, a guy who has Asperger's Syndrome himself. High School can be tough at first, but once you're in the High School for about a year, it wouldn't be a big deal. I wasn't really used to it at first, going around the school trying to find my classes and trying to keep up with the material. But once I was in the school for more than a year, things got better. If this is the way it is for me, then it should be this way for your daughter as well.

[mom2five]

It's a tough time! My daughter is 13, almost 14 and she has such a hard time dealing with "middle school dramatics". Her social skills are so not the same as her classmates. She's in 8th grade now and it has gotten a little better than 6th and 7th, but next year she'll start high school and that means a new school.....and new challenges!

What can we do but hang in there and keep trying to reassure them and ourselves that "this too will pass.."

This piece of advice coming from me, a guy who has Asperger's Syndrome himself. High School can be tough at first, but once you're in the High School for about a year, it wouldn't be a big deal. I wasn't really used to it at first, going around the school trying to find my classes and trying to keep up with the material. But once I was in the school for more than a year, things got better. If this is the way it is for me, then it should be this way for your daughter as well.

Thanks for the insight, I know (at least I hope in my heart) she'll be ok in the long run, it's just hard, as her mom, to watch her struggle, especially when so much "social stuff" goes on at this age and she seems so disconnected!

How did you deal with things like 'lunch", did you have a few close friends to sit with or were you the type to happily sit by yourself? Maybe I'm wrongly judging here, and you had no social difficulties... if so then, sorry!

[ghostjmf]

They were interviewing 2 kids in Mensa, siblings who were children of a pair of Mensa members, on I think "Sunday Morning" recently. The young girl of the pair said "when I ask 'can I sit here' about an empty seat, they say 'no; we don't like you'". Her brother agreed that he'd gotten that too.

They did not appear to have Aspergers; just a few more brain cells functioning than their school counterparts (earlier in interview they were reciting pi, something I don't have nearly enough brain cells for). That's enough, in school, to do you in, socially.

[minimetoo26]

Lunch was a huge problem last year when they made the kids sit with their "Teams" at the beginning of the year. Later, when they could sit anywhere they liked, Rain Man would sit at a table with another Aspie who he's known since age 4, plus some random boy, and they would all very companionably ignore each other. They would bring their binders and read peacefully.

When I would bring Erin and go have lunch with him he could bring a friend to the guest table, but never wanted to. The girls in his grade would swarm Erin, and he wouldn't pay them any mind. My oldest son would have used her as a Chick Magnet.

[Buffacuse]

This thread caught my eye. We have a nephew with Aspergers, and we are beginning to suspect that my six year old has it. He is exhibiting some of the same characteristics that his cousin had. We've got an appointment with a child psychologist for next month, so we'll know more then. We just had to fill out a long questionairre in preparation for that appointment. Buff, how old was your son when he was diagnosed with Aspergers?

Heya. We actually noticed things were wrong from a very early age (months) but he got a PDD-NOS diagnosis at about 3 and a definitive Aspergers diagnosis at Johns Hopkins when he was 6.

Interestingly, one of the things that tipped the doctors towards Aspergers is his obsession with Thomas the Tank Engine...only theories about why this is so common in the autism spectrum--but it may have something to do with the expressionless engines still conveying emotions that the kids find comforting/non-threatening.

[Buffacuse]

Again, as I've said many times to you all over the past several years, where I feel Lil' Buff has basically grown up right before your cyber eyes, many thanks for all the great words and kindness.

And, again another positive--right behind the note I got from school about the activities that set this all off--the little guy's latest math test...

100%

[owenziligation]

It's a tough time! My daughter is 13, almost 14 and she has such a hard time dealing with "middle school dramatics". Her social skills are so not the same as her classmates. She's in 8th grade now and it has gotten a little better than 6th and 7th, but next year she'll start high school and that means a new school.....and new challenges!

What can we do but hang in there and keep trying to reassure them and ourselves that "this too will pass.."

This piece of advice coming from me, a guy who has Asperger's Syndrome himself. High School can be tough at first, but once you're in the High School for about a year, it wouldn't be a big deal. I wasn't really used to it at first, going around the school trying to find my classes and trying to keep up with the material. But once I was in the school for more than a year, things got better. If this is the way it is for me, then it should be this way for your daughter as well.

Thanks for the insight, I know (at least I hope in my heart) she'll be ok in the long run, it's just hard, as her mom, to watch her struggle, especially when so much "social stuff" goes on at this age and she seems so disconnected!

How did you deal with things like 'lunch", did you have a few close friends to sit with or were you the type to happily sit by yourself? Maybe I'm wrongly judging here, and you had no social difficulties... if so then, sorry!

Well, I do have social difficulties as I'm a very shy, quiet person but I've always had a couple of good friends.

[minimetoo26]

This thread caught my eye. We have a nephew with Aspergers, and we are beginning to suspect that my six year old has it. He is exhibiting some of the same characteristics that his cousin had. We've got an appointment with a child psychologist for next month, so we'll know more then. We just had to fill out a long questionairre in preparation for that appointment. Buff, how old was your son when he was diagnosed with Aspergers?

Heya. We actually noticed things were wrong from a very early age (months) but he got a PDD-NOS diagnosis at about 3 and a definitive Aspergers diagnosis at Johns Hopkins when he was 6.

Interestingly, one of the things that tipped the doctors towards Aspergers is his obsession with Thomas the Tank Engine...only theories about why this is so common in the autism spectrum--but it may have something to do with the expressionless engines still conveying emotions that the kids find comforting/non-threatening.

The engines can be sorted by numbers and colors, too. I still get email from Thomas's Trackside Station, but I don't need to buy Thomas bedding or pajamas anymore. I can't get the Thomas-shaped toybox full of trains and track up into the attic since it is so heavy, so it's in my room and Erin will take out some trains every once in a while, but nothing like the boys. We even named our computer Mavis since she came out about the time we got it and she was black also.

We knew Rain Man was a bit "off" since forever, but the doctors just told us we expected him to be like his older brother, who was verbally precocious. He's just so close to "normal" in some ways and so far away in others. It took until he was 3 before they gave us a referral to a specialist.

Now most people know to just let him be himself. His OCD gets in the way more than the language processing difficulties in school. The language and emotion thing will be a big problem with the ladies....