How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

[Bob Juch]

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed-upon duties, i.e., the illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation, at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder, or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counterclockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every reasonable caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed-upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform, and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counterclockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in Step 1 of this document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above-described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of commerce and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm."

[etaoin22]

That is just awful but too close to among other things the innumerable number of legal agreements I sign onto simply by navigating the Net. May I offer a few others? I am trying to be original, so any form of plagiarism is unconscious and not meant to harm anyone's intellectual property rights . I suspect the same ones do go around in diferent forms, just as the ones for doctors so.

(1). At least 11. First it has to be ruled whether the light bulb going out is a constitutionally protected form of free speech.

(2). None. It ruins the manicure, and in any case, this is what associates are for.

(3) One. But changing it with your feet is a real pain. (see above).

(4) One. But somehow it adds up to four billable hours.

(5) None. Buy a candle. Worked for Madison, should be the same now.

And let me assure you Canadian law would offer others, and the whole area of my profession offers ten times as many options

[nitrah55]

Ok, let me take a few of these:

How many divas does it take to change a light bulb?
One. She holds the bulb, and the world revolves around her.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb has to really want to change.

How many members of the Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
Fourteen, you got a problem with that?

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change it, and the other nine to talk about how much they'll miss the old bulb.

I'm sure there are more of these out there.

[AlphaDummy]

Why does it take three women with PMS to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler

IT...

JUST...

DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[NellyLunatic1980]

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler

That's not funny!

[NellyLunatic1980]

How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler

None. Atheists never see the light anyway.

[NellyLunatic1980]

How many WWTBAM Bored members does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler

230

1 to change the light bulb and post that it's been changed

20 to share similar experiences and how it could have been changed differently

2 to caution about the dangers of changing a light bulb

2 to point out spelling and grammatical errors

5 to flame the spell checkers

2 to correct the spelling and grammar errors in the flame posts

10 to argue whether it's "light bulb" or "lightbulb"

10 to condemn the previous 10 as anal-retentive

15 to post that this Bored is not about light bulbs and they should take their discussion to the Usenet group alt.change.light-bulb

15 to defend the original post by saying that we all use light bulbs; therefore, the posts are relevant

30 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, and what brand is best

2 to post URLs where one can see examples of light bulbs

2 to post the corrected URLs

2 to post about links they found in the URLs that are relevant to the group

2 to post YouTube videos of light bulbs

10 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety--including all headers and sigs--and say "What she said"

20 to quote the "What she said" posts and say "Me too"

6 to log in as Merry Men to post light bulb-changing jokes

15 to post to the Bored that they will no longer post on the Bored because they cannot handle the light bulb discussion

2 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

2 to ask "What does FAQ mean?"

5 to ask "Didn't we go through this a hundred times before?"

7 to say "Do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions on the Bored about light bulbs"

2 to say "On eBay--vintage light bulbs!"

20 to put any Bored member who posts about light bulbs on their foe lists

20 to e-mail the participants' ISPs complaining that they are in violation of acceptable use policy

1 Bored member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start the damn light bulb debate all over again

[BackInTex]

None, they can't. Snakes don't have hands.

[Thousandaire]

How many WWTBAM Bored members does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler

230

1 to change the light bulb and post that it's been changed

20 to share similar experiences and how it could have been changed differently

2 to caution about the dangers of changing a light bulb

2 to point out spelling and grammatical errors

5 to flame the spell checkers

2 to correct the spelling and grammar errors in the flame posts

10 to argue whether it's "light bulb" or "lightbulb"

10 to condemn the previous 10 as anal-retentive

15 to post that this Bored is not about light bulbs and they should take their discussion to the Usenet group alt.change.light-bulb

15 to defend the original post by saying that we all use light bulbs; therefore, the posts are relevant

30 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, and what brand is best

2 to post URLs where one can see examples of light bulbs

2 to post the corrected URLs

2 to post about links they found in the URLs that are relevant to the group

2 to post YouTube videos of light bulbs

10 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety--including all headers and sigs--and say "What she said"

20 to quote the "What she said" posts and say "Me too"

6 to log in as Merry Men to post light bulb-changing jokes

15 to post to the Bored that they will no longer post on the Bored because they cannot handle the light bulb discussion

2 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

2 to ask "What does FAQ mean?"

5 to ask "Didn't we go through this a hundred times before?"

7 to say "Do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions on the Bored about light bulbs"

2 to say "On eBay--vintage light bulbs!"

20 to put any Bored member who posts about light bulbs on their foe lists

20 to e-mail the participants' ISPs complaining that they are in violation of acceptable use policy

1 Bored member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start the damn light bulb debate all over again

1 to not care about light bulbs.