Passive Aggressive

[a1mamacat]

Seems to be a lot of these posts lately, (myself included) and I was wondering why?

Are many of us just beyotchy lately?

[christie1111]

Yeah, sometimes, but I just ignore them

Hope shopping went well.

I am almost done.

Then I went and invited family for the 27th. What was I thinking?

[Ritterskoop]

I have always wondered what this term (passive-aggressive) means.

I find that WWII psychiatrists coined it to describe "the behavior of soldiers who displayed passive resistance and reluctant compliance to orders."

So that sounds Passive. How is it aggressive? How can someone be both passive and aggressive simultaneously? They would seem to be mutually exclusive.

I see lots of other behaviors described in the wikipedia entry, but they are either passive or aggressive but not both.

I don't get it.

I am accustomed to this position (not getting it), but still sometimes I seek clarification, and am grateful for your (y'all's) elucidation.

And I am not picking on Saucy. Clearly she is using it the way it is defined; I am resisting the definition itself.

Gracias.

[littlebeast13]

Woohoo! Long live bitchiness!

lb13

[mrkelley23]

I have always wondered what this term (passive-aggressive) means.

I find that WWII psychiatrists coined it to describe "the behavior of soldiers who displayed passive resistance and reluctant compliance to orders."

So that sounds Passive. How is it aggressive? How can someone be both passive and aggressive simultaneously? They would seem to be mutually exclusive.

I see lots of other behaviors described in the wikipedia entry, but they are either passive or aggressive but not both.

I don't get it.

I am accustomed to this position (not getting it), but still sometimes I seek clarification, and am grateful for your (y'all's) elucidation.

And I am not picking on Saucy. Clearly she is using it the way it is defined; I am resisting the definition itself.

Gracias.

If you follow some of the exchanges Beebs and I had a coupla months ago, you saw that I share your confusion. Here's the way it was explained to me, and it made perfect sense in context:

A woman and her husband were not getting along. He was a very aggressive personality, always yelling at her, not allowing her to respond in any way, and if she dared to, he would just get worse. So she would take it for a while, then wait until the next time he went to take a shower, then go through the house flushing all the toilets. THAT's passive/aggressive.

In my case, I sometimes post mean things, but then think I can get away with it if I couch it in nice language (I only recognize this in retrospect, of course). Sort of the equivalent to the I-can-say-anything-as-long-as-I-put-a-smiley-behind-it that Appa's always getting accused of. But I don't see that as passive/aggressive. I just see it as not having the cojones to say what I really think, because I'm too worried about offending someone I like.

Okay, maybe too much self-realization in this post. But that's just the kind of guy I am, I guess.

[MarleysGh0st]

Skoop, have you read some of PSM's stories about her mom? I think those fit the category of passive aggressive pretty well.

[mrkelley23]

(Notice Marley's careful use of neutral pronouns.)

[MarleysGh0st]

(Notice Marley's careful use of neutral pronouns.)

Neutral pronouns?

Maybe I should have said "their" instead of "her," but I think we all know PSM is a girl.

[a1mamacat]

I think Mr. K hit it on the head. In my viewpoint, passive-agressive is saying or doing something that is subject to different interpretations, but is actually intended to sow dissension.

Marley's case of the stories we have heard of PSM'm mom are classis of the use of guilt as a passive-aggressive move.

I know that I have, on occasion, posted something that could be misconstrued, and posted it with the intent that is be misconstrued.

[SportsFan68]

I have always wondered what this term (passive-aggressive) means.

I find that WWII psychiatrists coined it to describe "the behavior of soldiers who displayed passive resistance and reluctant compliance to orders."

So that sounds Passive. How is it aggressive? How can someone be both passive and aggressive simultaneously? They would seem to be mutually exclusive.

I see lots of other behaviors described in the wikipedia entry, but they are either passive or aggressive but not both.

I don't get it.

I am accustomed to this position (not getting it), but still sometimes I seek clarification, and am grateful for your (y'all's) elucidation.

And I am not picking on Saucy. Clearly she is using it the way it is defined; I am resisting the definition itself.

Gracias.

The classic example I was given in psych class was the one where the husband demonstrates very aggressive verbal behavior and wife says nothing because any reply is met with heightened aggression. Then one evening, she spills hot soup all over him -- "Oh no! That's terrible! You poor dear! What a terrible accident!" So she can't be accused of anything overt but nevertheless has just performed an extremely aggressive act.

[Ritterskoop]

Skoop, have you read some of PSM's stories about her mom? I think those fit the category of passive aggressive pretty well.

Before my mom stopped playing the game with her mother, we called it guilt manipulation.

That seems to be a different behavior than the soup-spilling. I was just curious how they all came to be lumped in together.

Doesn't really matter. Thanks for the examples.

[PlacentiaSoccerMom]

Saturday night, somebody down the street was having a party. (Sunday morning we had to get up early for the funeral.)

I tried finding the house because the noise kept waking me up. Around 11:30, I got up to drive around to see where it was, but couldn't find the house. I came home and tried going back to sleep. I heard it again and went out again and found the address.

I went home and called the police about the noise. Midnight rolls around and they still aren't out. I call them and they say that they are sending someody. 1:00 and I call the police again and they say that they are really busy. Jeff and I decide to walk over to the house with Zap. We go to the house and there are all of these drunk people coming out and the front door is open. Jeff tries ringing the bell, but nobody comes out. The music is really loud so he goes in. The guy who owns the house and starts talking about how his neighbors are party poopers. Jeff yells at him that there are noise laws and I yell at him that we have to get up at 6 for a funeral.

As we are leaving two girls are stumbling out totally drunk and they heckle us for telling them to be quiet. I told them that they shouldn't be driving while drunk because they might kill somebody. They start shouting that I am a bitch and I shout back that they should keep their mouths shut. (While this shouting is going on, we are walking home away from them.) Then they start shouting at me that my dog is ugly. I yell back that my dog woldn't even pee on them because they are filthy drunks who smell horrible. Then they start yelling at me to come back and fight with them and I tell them to go fuck themselves.

The next morning, I happened to be walking Zap around 6:30 a.m. I just happened to go by the house and ring the doorbell five or six times and run away really fast.

[TheConfessor]

Breaking up a party at 1:00 a.m.? That's nothing. My neighbor's last party was still going strong at 3:00 a.m. Then it got quiet for awhile, then around 3:35 I started hearing snap, crackle, and pop sounds and saw a glow next door. Then I called the fire department and started knocking on their door to wake them up, but they had left. Then 11 months later, a bulldozer came to remove what was left of the house. The host of the party never even thanked me.

[etaoin22]

Behaviour passive, underlying emotion anger and aggression. If the emotion isn't there, it doesn't fit. I can imagine any number of occasions in which literal compliance with orders exactly and minimally as written is superb soldiering (i.e. so that your superior officers know PRECISELY what actions have been taken), but the emotion there is positive.

[peacock2121]

I am aggressive.

Sting is passive aggressive.

I always thought of it as "what we do to get what we want".

I take action to get what I want - I request, I badger, I cry, I yell, I beg - all of those being aggresive (like actively doing something).

Sting does not ask for what he wants. He will be silent and paralyzed. He will not respond to questions and says "I don't know" over and over. As he doesn't respond, I get more aggresive and he gets more paralyzed.

It is quite a show until one of us gets ourself out of that trap.

[MarleysGh0st]

Wow, PSM, you had quite a Saturday night!

[secondchance]

Saturday night, somebody down the street was having a party. (Sunday morning we had to get up early for the funeral.)

I tried finding the house because the noise kept waking me up. Around 11:30, I got up to drive around to see where it was, but couldn't find the house. I came home and tried going back to sleep. I heard it again and went out again and found the address.

I went home and called the police about the noise. Midnight rolls around and they still aren't out. I call them and they say that they are sending someody. 1:00 and I call the police again and they say that they are really busy. Jeff and I decide to walk over to the house with Zap. We go to the house and there are all of these drunk people coming out and the front door is open. Jeff tries ringing the bell, but nobody comes out. The music is really loud so he goes in. The guy who owns the house and starts talking about how his neighbors are party poopers. Jeff yells at him that there are noise laws and I yell at him that we have to get up at 6 for a funeral.

As we are leaving two girls are stumbling out totally drunk and they heckle us for telling them to be quiet. I told them that they shouldn't be driving while drunk because they might kill somebody. They start shouting that I am a bitch and I shout back that they should keep their mouths shut. (While this shouting is going on, we are walking home away from them.) Then they start shouting at me that my dog is ugly. I yell back that my dog woldn't even pee on them because they are filthy drunks who smell horrible. Then they start yelling at me to come back and fight with them and I tell them to go fuck themselves.

The next morning, I happened to be walking Zap around 6:30 a.m. I just happened to go by the house and ring the doorbell five or six times and run away really fast.

OMG, psm - we had an almost identical situation with a neighbor party which was behind our house, but on the next block, a couple years ago. After hours of waiting for the cops to respond, my daughter and I walked over around midnite to ask them to lower the volume as she had a soccer game very early the next morning. They were mean, defensive, and aggressive. Later in the night, I thought I heard a gunshot. When I reported this development to the police, the party was shut down within 20 minutes. May I suggest that in the future if these guys have another party, you also hear a gunshot.

At 6am I rang their doorbell. But I stuck around to ask them if I could borrow a cup of sugar. The door slammed in my smiling face.

[secondchance]

Oh no. They're delivering chairs, tables, and heat lamps across the street. Hopefully no D.J...

[littlebeast13]

Oh no. They're delivering chairs, tables, and heat lamps across the street. Hopefully no D.J...

Party on 2C's block tonight!!!!!

Too bad I have to work.....

lb13

[kayrharris]

Wonder if my neighbors feel that way about me when I have get togethers?
Of course, we always behave. Always.

[secondchance]

I'm sure not, Kay. It's just the one's with the DJ's till 3am that kill us.

lb, you can take off work one night, can't ya?

[minimetoo26]

I'm sure not, Kay. It's just the one's with the DJ's till 3am that kill us.

lb, you can take off work one night, can't ya?

It's my husband's practice's party tonight. But someplace snobby where the kids have to go in a separate room. I wonder if beast would qualify for the Grown Up Room. I'm a borderline case, myself....

[kayrharris]

I don't have DJ's and have never had the police show up or my doorbell ring
at 6AM. I guess that's a good thing.

[ulysses5019]

I don't have DJ's and have never had the police show up or my doorbell ring
at 6AM. I guess that's a good thing.

That's because you don't live near PSM or SC (great initials).

[peacock2121]

Out here in Podunkville, the neighbors don't even know a loud party is going on.