Fireball's Fecal 50 -- #30-#21

[Pastor Fireball]

Did you have a great holiday weekend? If you did, then I am about to ruin it all because I have ten songs that are even worse than the ones you heard before the four-day vacation. You may need a bottle of your favorite brand of alcohol or some of that leftover eggnog handy to get you through this third level of my auditory abattoir.

Let the horror begin!

#30: Let It Go, Idina Menzel (2013)

Seriously, every girl in America needs to let it go... and I mean let this song go. I want to rip out my eardrums with a rusty screwdriver every time I hear somebody belch out, "Let it go, let it go!" Just like "My Heart Will Go On" and "You Light Up My Life" earlier in the Fecal 50, this song falls into the "Jeopardy!" category of "Ear-bleeding fluff that the Motion Picture Academy loves throwing Oscars at"... and it reminds me of why I hate the Academy so much.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU

#29: Rico Suave, Gerardo (1990)
#10 in 2004

No, Gerardo, nobody wants you or your bullcrap Hispanic stereotypes. This wanker did a great job of putting the "rap" in "bullcrap" back in 1990. Surprisingly, this isn't even the worst rap song on this list. Believe me, there will be plenty of player-hating to go around on the remainder of this list.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8_f3kJOX_8

#28: Muskrat Love, Captain & Tennille (1976)

As cheesy as "Love Will Keep Us Together" and "Do That to Me One More Time" are, "Muskrat Love" is both cheesy and bad. The song wasn't any better when America recorded it three years earlier, so let's just get this over with. Not much else to say about this song. It's about muskrats falling in love. No hidden meanings in this song... unlike in, say, "How Many Licks".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjqeNoi6EmM

#27: Rollin', Limp Bizkit (2000)
#9 in 2004

I still can't believe this song beat out U2 at the 2001 MTV VMAs. Keep in mind that was the same ceremony that claimed "Lady Marmalade" was a better music video than Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice", so the voters were on some BS that year. Like I've said many times before, I still haven't gotten over that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYnFIRc0k6E

#26: Achy Breaky Heart, Billy Ray Cyrus (1992)
#8 in 2004

The song that gave country music and mullets a bad name. And this isn't even the highest ranked song by somebody named Cyrus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byQIPdHMpjc

#25: We Can't Stop, Miley Cyrus (2013)

We really wish you would stop. This song was essentially Hannah Montana's middle finger to Disney.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrUvu1mlWco

#24: I'm a Slave 4 U, Britney Spears (2001)
#12 in 2004

Another one of those whore-me-up songs along the lines of "How Many Licks", but this one is much worse. And that's not even getting to the glorification of being any kind of slave. Totally inappropriate in the 21st century. Only Britney could put out a song like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mzybwwf2HoQ

"Kitty, kitty... kitty, kitty." Hmmm... I wonder What Britney could be talking about with that line. Unless you're Freud, stop wondering and let's just move on to the next song.

#23: PopoZao, Kevin Federline (2006)

Since it isn't enough to hate on Britney Spears, let's go after her ex-husband now. When she actually tries, Britney is moderately talented and moderately capable of doing a love song ("Sometimes") or dance song ("Toxic") that doesn't sound like softcore pornography. K-Fed is just famous for being famous and has no talent whatsoever. Case in point, this dumpster fire masquerading as a rap song about butts. For every "Baby Got Back", we have unfortunately had to endure a hundred lame ripoffs like this one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQhnB8zZoc8

#22: Barbie Girl, Aqua (1997)
#17 in 2004

Here we have the only song in the Fecal 50 to be the subject of a lawsuit. Unfortunately, it wasn't the American people suing the record company for crimes against humanity. It was Mattel suing the record company for copyright infringement. The Ninth Circuit unanimously dismissed the lawsuit, stating that the song was protected by the First Amendment. Ironically, Mattel would use the song many years later to promote Barbie in order to pep up its sagging sales. But it still doesn't change the fact that this song is annoying A.F. Oh, wanna take a guess which Ninth Circuit justice wrote the majority opinion on this case? Alex Kozinski, who resigned from the Court last December after a host of sexual harassment allegations. That just adds to this song's less-than-stellar pedigree.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyhrYis509A

#21: (I Know I Got) Skillz, Shaquille O'Neal f/ Def Jef (1993)
#7 in 2004

You may have skills, Shaq, but rapping isn't one of them. After every other bar, I'm imagining Charles Barkley shouting, "You big dummy!", while Ernie Johnson rips off his striped bowtie and laments, "Screw this, I'm outta here."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dL6kQ0v1PQ8

Yes, they do get worse than this. See for yourselves tomorrow.