AnnieCamaro wrote:Dear Evil Squirrel:
You've gone too far! This afternoon, Lisbit and I found this object in the back yard, directly beneath an overhanging tree limb.
Directly beneath? I could throw that thing half way across the yard..... with my left paw! You truly underestimate my raw athletic ability, no matter how many times I peg you in the noggin from several hundred feet....
AnnieCamaro wrote:Lizbit investigated the object.
Excuse me, Annie dear, but where is your forensic investigator's latex gloves? Don't even try to bring this one to trial, because even my overpaid NSAS lawyer could get that evidence thrown out due to mishandling...
AnnieCamaro wrote:That clearly is a toy car of the type known as "Matchbox." Only one person on the block has a toy car that size and model -- the little boy who lives two doors down. You remember him. He is one of the children from whom you "borrow" apples.
I don't know what you're talking about. I have never borrowed anything from that boy or his family. To the best of my knowledge, everything I've ever taken from their premesis has been laying out in their yard, which by the laws of nature make it fair game for squirrels.
AnnieCamaro wrote:I told Lizbit to search for clues as to how the car reached our yard. She sniffed the car and tasted it. She said it was rife with the redolence of squirrel, in particular an Evil Squirrel.
That is not redolence, or whatever that word is you made up because you're such a smartypants. That's musk! How do you think I attract the lady squirrels over to my tree? In fact, that's probably why Lizbit was so eager to sniff and taste it. I've seen her eyeing me before.
AnnieCamaro wrote:Your behavior -- your toy-stealing thievery -- is not acceptable in civilized society. Come and get this car during the night and take it back to the little boy! I cannot believe that the National Society of Squirrel Appreciation would appreciate one of their honored members being proven as a mis-doer to small children. I would like to believe that you made an error in judgment. If that is the case, please rectify that error immediately. Thank you.
The only error in judgement here is your continued insistence that I am the perpetrator of anything in this world that doesn't conform to your high standards of civility. This is the #1 reason here why they should never allow dogs to get on the internet. Pretty soon they start thinking they're educated and refined, and before you know it, you can't even fart or hump someone's leg without getting the evil eye from them. The NSAS appreciates me for who I am, a fine, upstanding, cute squirrel. How many awards have you won from the American Kennel Club so far, Miss Annie? I thought so.
AnnieCamaro wrote:Sincerely,
Annie
/:x\
P.S. Don't be telling me this was a present for us. We're not buying that.
Why would I give you a present? I can only afford to buy one present at a time, and since you happen to have the same birthday as my attorney, I feel compelled to send him a gift instead of you. I'll bet he loved that wad of duct tape I got him last year....
Sincerely,
~~/--\o
Evil Squirrel
