(Apologies to Don McLean)
Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2026 6:06 pm
I found this gem while looking for some other files. I looked for this when Don McLean died, but didn't find it. Now that I have, I'm posting before I lose it again. I wrote this after not getting a call back after the St. Louis auditions.
A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that Regis used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could do the happy monkey dance
and ABC'd be happy for a while.
But the test, it made me quiver,
And no answers I remembered
From the go-board or the GC
The questions, well, they weren't so easy
I can't remember if I tried
To second guess and save my pride
But something failed me deep inside
Today, the dreams, they died
So bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
Did you read the book of lists?
And do you know how many questions were missed?
If sad Fred tells you so?
Do you have links to IMDB?
And know all the shows that have been on T.V.?
Especially those that were shown on ABCeeeeeee.
Well I know that I'm not a favorite of them
'cause I saw that quote that came out of him
He said he wanted somebody new
That doesn't wear shirts all of blue-uuuuuuee
I am a homely middle aged used up buck
With a blue suburban and a jar of Tucks
And I knew I was out of luck
The way, the crew, just sighed
I started singin'
bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
Now for 10 month I've been on the phone
Punching numbers, I know I'm not alone
But that's not how it used to be
When he asked me about the King of Queens
And the other shows that were in-between
And the 1st one it's the one I haven't seen
Oh, and now the show is on four times
And I'm beginning to run out of rhymes
The ring of fire adjourned
But Katy Knudsen was returned
And while she must have guessed them all
Regis Philbin had himself a ball
With Hot Toddy and some guy named Paul
Today, the dream, it died
We were singing,
bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
He helped her; he helped her, in the seat of swelter
The girl ran off like helter-skelter
The ratings started falling fast
They had an idea from the past
The producers tried a celebrity cast
With the actors from the network, we're aghast
Now it's half time and I feel I doomed
I'm on the clock; I need to use the restroom
I'm about to wet my pants
I guess I'll never get the chance
To be a player among the field
One in 40 of the random yield
Do you recall my hero Tim Shields?
Today, my dream, it died.
We started singing,
bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
Oh and they were all in one place
The Ring of Fire, we get to see their face
With a goofy sign and a silly grin
So come on; punch the letters and punch them quick
That Regis Philbin wants to do his shtick
'Cause Rosie is the player's only friend
Oh and as I watched them on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No phone a friend should tell
'I have no clue as well'
And as the girl climbed in the hot seat
Six 40ish white guys she had to beat
I heard Mike Davies say 'that's neat!'
Today, my dream, it died
He was singing,
bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
I met a man that was dressed in blue
And asked the PC what he knew
But he just smiled and turned to gray
I went down to the gameware store
Where I'd heard the nerds were never bored
But the man there said the posters wouldn't play
And in my mind the audience screamed
In the relationship chair, my wife, she beamed
But there are no questions spoken
My chance, its just a token
And the two things I want the most
The phone-a-friend and 'ask the host'
I accept that I am toast
Today, the dream, it died.
And they were singing,
bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
They were singing,
(slowly and sadly)
bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that Regis used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could do the happy monkey dance
and ABC'd be happy for a while.
But the test, it made me quiver,
And no answers I remembered
From the go-board or the GC
The questions, well, they weren't so easy
I can't remember if I tried
To second guess and save my pride
But something failed me deep inside
Today, the dreams, they died
So bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
Did you read the book of lists?
And do you know how many questions were missed?
If sad Fred tells you so?
Do you have links to IMDB?
And know all the shows that have been on T.V.?
Especially those that were shown on ABCeeeeeee.
Well I know that I'm not a favorite of them
'cause I saw that quote that came out of him
He said he wanted somebody new
That doesn't wear shirts all of blue-uuuuuuee
I am a homely middle aged used up buck
With a blue suburban and a jar of Tucks
And I knew I was out of luck
The way, the crew, just sighed
I started singin'
bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
Now for 10 month I've been on the phone
Punching numbers, I know I'm not alone
But that's not how it used to be
When he asked me about the King of Queens
And the other shows that were in-between
And the 1st one it's the one I haven't seen
Oh, and now the show is on four times
And I'm beginning to run out of rhymes
The ring of fire adjourned
But Katy Knudsen was returned
And while she must have guessed them all
Regis Philbin had himself a ball
With Hot Toddy and some guy named Paul
Today, the dream, it died
We were singing,
bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
He helped her; he helped her, in the seat of swelter
The girl ran off like helter-skelter
The ratings started falling fast
They had an idea from the past
The producers tried a celebrity cast
With the actors from the network, we're aghast
Now it's half time and I feel I doomed
I'm on the clock; I need to use the restroom
I'm about to wet my pants
I guess I'll never get the chance
To be a player among the field
One in 40 of the random yield
Do you recall my hero Tim Shields?
Today, my dream, it died.
We started singing,
bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
Oh and they were all in one place
The Ring of Fire, we get to see their face
With a goofy sign and a silly grin
So come on; punch the letters and punch them quick
That Regis Philbin wants to do his shtick
'Cause Rosie is the player's only friend
Oh and as I watched them on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No phone a friend should tell
'I have no clue as well'
And as the girl climbed in the hot seat
Six 40ish white guys she had to beat
I heard Mike Davies say 'that's neat!'
Today, my dream, it died
He was singing,
bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
I met a man that was dressed in blue
And asked the PC what he knew
But he just smiled and turned to gray
I went down to the gameware store
Where I'd heard the nerds were never bored
But the man there said the posters wouldn't play
And in my mind the audience screamed
In the relationship chair, my wife, she beamed
But there are no questions spoken
My chance, its just a token
And the two things I want the most
The phone-a-friend and 'ask the host'
I accept that I am toast
Today, the dream, it died.
And they were singing,
bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry
They were singing,
(slowly and sadly)
bye-bye, you 40-something white guy
Auditioned in St. Louie
Gave it the old college try
And them young gen-xer's were drinkin' Zima and rye
Singin' This'll be the day that you cry
This'll be the day that you cry