There Is No Merry Man Parade!

[MuhammadSaidalSahhaf]

That is just more lies and misinformation by Western journalists!

Now everyone please disperse and go back to your bunkers, after you salute the giant framed picture of Saddam Hussein....

[Super Creepy Rob Lowe]

I love smelling the hair on the portraits of dictators...

Sniff! Sniff!

[KilljoyWasHere]

It's about time someone cancels this sinful parade!

Now everyone can attend our parish bingo in the cafeteria...

[Fernando Tatis]

Parades are overrated. With all those people crowded around, you're likely to catch ringworm...

[ItsAMadMadMadMadSwine]

Parades are overrated. With all those people crowded around, you're likely to catch ringworm...

Or something MUCH WORSE!!!!

[Four Hour Stiffy]

Parades are overrated. With all those people crowded around, you're likely to catch ringworm...

Or something MUCH WORSE!!!!

Priapism?

[Meth Gator]

Well sheeeeit!!! I was gonna pass out some of my rock candy to the kiddies...

[Gary Glitter]

Well sheeeeit!!! I was gonna pass out some of my rock candy to the kiddies...

Don't ever try that in Vietnam...

[Evil Dentist]

I guess I'll pass out the candy then, along with a few business cards...

[silverscreenselect]

Where's the flag? I've got to see those nine rows of stars one more time.

[Sheriff John Brown]

Yeehaw! I'm back!

[General Patton]

Well sheeeeit!!! I was gonna pass out some of my rock candy to the kiddies...

Don't ever try that in Vietnam...

Vietnam? I was in the Big One.

[BobMarleysGh0st]

Hey mon!

[High School Slutatorian]

Well sheeeeit!!! I was gonna pass out some of my rock candy to the kiddies...

Don't ever try that in Vietnam...

Vietnam? I was in the Big One.

Oooh, did you say you have a Big One?

How do you feel about slapping asses, Mr. General?

[Liberace]

How do you feel about slapping asses, Mr. General?

Ooooooh!!!! I love having my buttocks slapped!

And by a man in uniform!!!!

[General Patton]

I should slap all of you, but you would probably like it.

[Jim Rome]

You come here to see the balloons and marching bands.

You stay for the bitch slapping.

Epic!

[Al Pacino]

You're no merryman parade!

I'm no merryman parade!

This whole thing is no merryman parade!

[Gunnery Sergeant Hartman]

That's right, BBs.

Don't make any fucking effort to contribute to the parade.

Then quit, you slimy, walrus-looking pieces of shit! Get the hell off my Bored! MOVE IT!”

[Jack Webb]

I came here to bust a few heads and rough up some so-called innocent bystanders.

Instead, I'll slap a few folks around.

It's no fun when they like it.

[John Houseman]

You come to this Parade

with a skull full of mush

and, if you survive,

you'll have eeeeearned it!

[Jim Everett]

You come here to see the balloons and marching bands.

You stay for the bitch slapping.

Epic!

That's right!!!

(flips over table)

Take this, mofo!!!!

slap! slap! slap! slap! Are you actually liking this, Jimmy? slap! slap! slap!

[Roger The Slapper]

Why was I not invited to this slapfest?

[MinisterOfPropaganda]

As Minister of Propaganda, I hereby declare that slaps are just fine. But there's nothing wrong with a few eyepokes as well....

PLINK!!!

[Oliver Stoned]

This is my kind of parade.

Remember, for maximum slappage, it’s back and to the left.

Back and to the left.