Our long national nightmare is finally over

[Pastor Fireball]

We're finally going to have a real American President back in the White House in about 24 hours, so it seems only fitting that I give the current White House squatter the send-off that he deserves. Below is a complete and uncensored list of all of the names I've used to describe Drumpf ever since his fat orange ass descended that gaudy escalator some 67 months ago. These can be easily verified using the search functions on the WWTBAM Bored, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google, or pretty much anywhere else on the Internet. And since I've called Drumpf many of these names directly on his own Twitter feed, some of my work has technically been a part of the White House public record for the past four years... but now that his Twitter feed has been permanently shut down, his public record--along with his entire administration--will be cast into the ash heap of history. So here is the new public record of the GOP's golden calf (not a comparison of Drumpf's obesity to that of a cow, but a comparison of Drumpf to the actual golden calf from the Bible).

How many of these names do you remember?

--a clay head covered in orange dust, and some mystery organism growing rampant on top of it
--radioactive bagpipe
--toupeed Trojan condom inflated with hydrochloric acid
--gold-plated vuvuzela powered by baboon diarrhea
--pile of moldy pomelo peels drenched in eau de toilette
--Arthur Jensen
--neon-orange colostomy bag
--megalomaniacal manatee with a spaghetti hat
--creme brulee cesspool of catastrophe
--Daddy Whorebucks
--peach Jell-O jiggler reanimated by the River Styx
--half-melted push-pop coated in ashtray sand
--dilated cow anus in a bale of straw
--tangerine-tinted trash can fire
--demagoguing bag of candy corn
--Casino Mussolini
--sriracha genital wart
--Pussy Galore
--nauseating bus terminal restroom stall
--Groper Cleveland
--cinnamon crotchferret
--the flaming paper bag of dog crap left on my front porch
--steaming marmalade turd with a rubber band wrapped around it
--spoiled wheel of Cheddar rolled around under the bed
--pussygrabber-in-grief
--walking constitutional violation
--leaky whoopee cushion filled with expired cottage cheese
--Russian watersports aficionado
--the backfired wish that Repubicans made on a cursed monkey paw
--Orange Julius
--Herr Pumpkinfuhrer
--King Donald of Orange
--Napoleon Bonafart
--turdclapping wankspoon
--Pompous Pilate
--festering bucket of oozing anal fistulas
--human urinal cake
--vapid dildogoblin
--withered kumquat marinated in ipecac
--decomposing mongbollock
--dystopic malodorous duck follower with penis envy
--stumpy-fingered tribblemonkey
--Lil' Donnie Snowflake
--fib-spurting wankchopped fishmitten
--rampallian elf-skinned puttock
--ziploc bag full of poorly processed corn chowder
--calumnious milk-livered quimbecile
--artless salami-skinned snizzwhistle
--apricot asscrack
--tangelo fruit roll-up stretched across cat litter
--honking slack-jawed sphincterlips
--odious sewer-siphoning gussetmuncher
--rubber-faced gropeopotamus
--ill-fitting China-made suit stuffed with chickens coming home to roost
--Adolf Twittler
--Lonesome Rhodes
--Harvey Whinestein
--A Cockwork Orange
--Donny the Snowjob
--Hoodwink Martindale
--lowest common denominator reality host
--Estodrumpf
--Neville Drumpferlain
--the Sheriff of Twattingham
--L. Don Hubbard
--maladroit malevolent mental-midget
--Orangey McPeepants
--citrine Cthulhu
--Genghis Con
--inflatable baby
--Tangerine Scream
--constipated Cheeto
--Scumdog Millionhairs (same nickname I've used for Rod Blagojevich)
--uncleaned toilet bowl clogged with raccoon hair
--Minecraft pedophile
--casino bankrupter and bloviating bablatrice in an Armani suit
--ludicrous grapefruit ballbag
--belching sea lion covered in Tang powder
--sentient enema
--dissident twatwaffle of meerkat fut
--cantaloupe-colored jizz bagpipe
--dime-store Hitler
--contaminated Jersey Shore diaphragm
--citrus-hued vomit bladder
--leather-faced shit-tobogganist
--tangerine asswhistle
--polyester cockwomble
--Cheeto-infused pus-bag
--alleged billionaire and confirmed weaselheaded fucknugget
--rotting kidney dropped on a SuperCuts floor
--the racist malignant tumor inside the colon of American democracy
--Benny Hill chase scene come to life
--botulism-infested butternut squash with legs
--cartoon wombat with a Napoleon complex
--imploding-rage persimmon
--human shithole
--Aryan slug high on bath salts
--baked potato skid mark
--inside-out jack-o'-lantern
--the love child of a Klansman and an armadillo
--talking traffic cone
--Baby Gap hand model
--tit-judging Oompa Loompa
--500 pounds of manure in a 50-pound sack
--anthropomorphic tanning booth etched with out-of-context passages from the Book of Revelation
--human Lorax
--salmon-faced dick tampon
--tone-deaf tangerine
--Fanta Fuhrer
--treason-loving treacle-covered badgerclit
--clowntits
--democracy-usurping Nazi-fluffing dildogoblin
--Donny Montana
--shrieky shitpeddling tuffetmuncher
--dicktits
--squealy swampmuffin
--tangerine twatsponge
--flokati-festooned fudgelicker
--orthotic cockscoop
--lecherous loofa
--flange-meddling limpdick
--puss-grabbing shart-paddling human dumpster fire
--Melania's sloppy seconds
--tripe-faced piss-guzzling waste of protoplasm
--mozzarella munchkin
--tamarin-tufted taint-slurping wankpiggy
--orange spankwangler
--orange wankspangler
--Professor Fucknuts
--pecksniffian mountebank
--wankstain
--paunchy malmsey-nosed flaxwench
--froward pox-marked skainsmate
--vagrant knotty-pated tallowcatch
--squittlefuck
--bilious twat-paddling varlot
--odiferous wattle-necked fustilarian
--nectarine twatcanoe
--subterranean sulfur-scented shitpickle
--yeasty crook-dicked cankerblossom
--gorbellied onion-eyed basketcockle
--fartweasel
--rebarbative daughter-fondling wankblot
--giant cartoon rat
--fustian fucktrumpet
--Sergeant Shrimpdick
--bungling twatflannel
--beef-witted applejohn
--qualling pigeon-hearted whore-son
--perfidious wart-necked maltworm
--oily bawbag
--shitting jizzbiscuit
--squelchy fart in Satan's skid-marked codpiece
--unmuzzled clay-brained coxcomb
--fat lesbian
--mammering unchin-snouted twatwaddler
--meat byproduct of a fake human
--beslubbering muddy-mettled nobgobbler
--Corporal Cuckoo
--lard-assed puffinsucker
--philistine knickerlimpet
--White House squatter (which I used at the beginning of this post)
--the GOP's golden calf (which I also used at the beginning of this post and will hopefully be the last time that I or anyone else will ever mention Drumpf again)