Joke of the Day

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#326 Post by Vandal » Sun Dec 19, 2021 9:10 am

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tlynn78
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Re: Joke of the Day

#327 Post by tlynn78 » Mon Dec 20, 2021 3:03 pm

Vandal wrote:
Sun Dec 19, 2021 9:10 am
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Yaaassssssssssssssssssssssssss.
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. -Thomas Paine
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand

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tlynn78
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Re: Joke of the Day

#328 Post by tlynn78 » Mon Dec 20, 2021 6:19 pm

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To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. -Thomas Paine
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand

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BackInTex
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Re: Joke of the Day

#329 Post by BackInTex » Tue Dec 21, 2021 1:31 pm

Notice how 2022 will be called 2020, too! :shock:

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..what country can preserve it’s liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? let them take arms.
~~ Thomas Jefferson

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#330 Post by Vandal » Wed Dec 22, 2021 3:25 pm

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_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#331 Post by Bob Juch » Sat Jan 08, 2022 11:14 am

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I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#332 Post by Vandal » Sat Jan 08, 2022 6:27 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#333 Post by Vandal » Sat Jan 08, 2022 7:01 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#334 Post by Vandal » Sun Jan 16, 2022 12:46 pm

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_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#335 Post by Bob Juch » Tue Jan 25, 2022 8:29 pm

Three Texans are sitting together in first class. Two of them are fairly well-dressed big men, but the third is diminutive and is very casually dressed.

As is their nature, they begin to chat and soon the chatting turns to bragging. The loudest and largest of the three, Tex, turns to the second and starts to tell him about his ranch.

“Yup, I’ve got me 50,000 acres of grazing land and we average 10,000 head of cattle a year.” “It’s called the “Circle K.”

Not to be outdone, the second, Luke, says “I don’t mean to boast, but my ranch, “The Double Bar X,” is 150,000 acres of the best West Texas grazing land you ever saw.” “My herd is about 40,000 head.”

The third man, Sam, across the aisle nods and smiles but says nothing and returns to reading his book. Finally, Tex, feeling pretty good about himself, asks him what he owns.

“I have only 50 acres, but no cattle at all.”

Grinning slyly, but trying to be polite, Luke asks him “so, what do you call it?”

Looking up from his book, Sam sheepishly responds “Downtown Dallas.”
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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Re: Joke of the Day

#336 Post by Bob Juch » Fri Feb 25, 2022 6:35 pm

Private Smith was assigned to a Navy recruiting center where he was to advise recruits about the advisability of hiring a life insurance policy offered by the government. It wasn't long before the center lieutenant noticed that Smith was nearly 100% effective at selling insurance, which had never happened before. Instead of asking, the lieutenant decided to stand behind a door and listen to what Smith said to a recent soldier who had entered. Smith explained the basics of the policy and then told the soldier, "If you have this insurance and you die in battle, the government has to pay $200,000 to your relatives, but if you don't have this policy and you go into battle, the government has to pay only $6,000. Now, well, which group do you think they're going to send into battle first?
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#337 Post by Vandal » Tue Mar 01, 2022 5:30 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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tlynn78
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Re: Joke of the Day

#338 Post by tlynn78 » Wed Mar 02, 2022 11:03 am

Made me think of Judy :(

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To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. -Thomas Paine
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand

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Re: Joke of the Day

#339 Post by Vandal » Thu Mar 03, 2022 12:05 pm

A man in Moscow buys a newspaper, glances at the front page, & throws it away.

He does the same thing every day.

Eventually, the seller snaps. "Why DO you do that?"

"I'm just checking for an obituary"

"But obituaries aren't on the front page!"

"The one I'm looking for will be."
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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mikehardware
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Re: Joke of the Day

#340 Post by mikehardware » Fri Mar 04, 2022 2:55 pm

True story. I was driving my wife to the grocery store this morning, and the radio began playing the Prince song "1999". I said, "That song's dated."

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tlynn78
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Re: Joke of the Day

#341 Post by tlynn78 » Fri Mar 04, 2022 3:00 pm

mikehardware wrote:
Fri Mar 04, 2022 2:55 pm
True story. I was driving my wife to the grocery store this morning, and the radio began playing the Prince song "1999". I said, "That song's dated."
LOL - Dad joke alert!
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. -Thomas Paine
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand

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Beebs52
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Re: Joke of the Day

#342 Post by Beebs52 » Fri Mar 04, 2022 3:13 pm

tlynn78 wrote:
Wed Mar 02, 2022 11:03 am
Made me think of Judy :(

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😁
Well, then

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Re: Joke of the Day

#343 Post by Beebs52 » Fri Mar 04, 2022 3:14 pm

Vandal wrote:
Thu Mar 03, 2022 12:05 pm
A man in Moscow buys a newspaper, glances at the front page, & throws it away.

He does the same thing every day.

Eventually, the seller snaps. "Why DO you do that?"

"I'm just checking for an obituary"

"But obituaries aren't on the front page!"

"The one I'm looking for will be."
One can hope
Well, then

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#344 Post by Vandal » Sat Mar 05, 2022 12:06 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Beebs52
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Re: Joke of the Day

#345 Post by Beebs52 » Sat Mar 05, 2022 1:12 pm

Vandal wrote:
Sat Mar 05, 2022 12:06 pm
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Rec!
Well, then

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#346 Post by Vandal » Wed Mar 16, 2022 4:33 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#347 Post by Vandal » Sun Mar 27, 2022 11:38 am

I lost the racket from my tennis trophy and now it looks like I won an entirely different contest.



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Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Re: Joke of the Day

#348 Post by wbtravis007 » Sun Mar 27, 2022 2:12 pm

Pretty funny joke told by some woman who knows a lot about Russia while being interviewed by Bill Maher on his show:

What doesn't fit in your ass and doesn't buzz?
Spoiler
An ass-buzzer made in Russia.

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BackInTex
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Re: Joke of the Day

#349 Post by BackInTex » Mon Mar 28, 2022 8:44 am

What did LAPD find when they dusted Chris Rock's face?
Spoiler
Fresh prints.
..what country can preserve it’s liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? let them take arms.
~~ Thomas Jefferson

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BackInTex
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Re: Joke of the Day

#350 Post by BackInTex » Tue Mar 29, 2022 2:00 pm

You're in a room with 100 people. 99 of the won't slap you, but one Will.
..what country can preserve it’s liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? let them take arms.
~~ Thomas Jefferson

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