Joke of the Day

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#251 Post by Bob Juch » Sun Jul 18, 2021 11:08 pm

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I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#252 Post by Bob Juch » Tue Jul 20, 2021 7:12 am

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over, and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'
Spoiler
To which he responded, 'I found the remote.'
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#253 Post by Bob Juch » Tue Jul 20, 2021 8:29 pm

Image
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#254 Post by Vandal » Thu Jul 22, 2021 7:40 am

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_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#255 Post by Vandal » Sun Jul 25, 2021 6:47 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#256 Post by Bob Juch » Wed Jul 28, 2021 10:02 pm

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I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#257 Post by Vandal » Fri Jul 30, 2021 12:06 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#258 Post by Bob Juch » Sun Aug 01, 2021 2:08 pm

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I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

User avatar
Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#259 Post by Vandal » Mon Aug 02, 2021 6:02 am

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#260 Post by Vandal » Wed Aug 04, 2021 10:29 am

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#261 Post by Bob Juch » Wed Aug 04, 2021 9:04 pm

Image
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

User avatar
Bob Juch
Posts: 24348
Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:58 am
Location: Oro Valley, Arizona
Contact:

Re: Joke of the Day

#262 Post by Bob Juch » Sun Aug 08, 2021 3:23 pm

I just got back from shopping and I have to share this! I found myself behind a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He had his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The granddad was saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long . . . easy boy.”

Another outburst and I heard the granddad calmly say, “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”

At the checkout the little horror was throwing items out of the shopping cart and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”

Well, I was really impressed, so I went outside to where the grandfather was loading his groceries and the boy into the car. I said to the Grandad, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it! That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his granddad.”

“Thanks,” said the Granddad, “But I’m William. That little sh*t’s name is Kevin.”
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

User avatar
Bob Juch
Posts: 24348
Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:58 am
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Re: Joke of the Day

#263 Post by Bob Juch » Wed Aug 11, 2021 9:43 pm

A blonde stole a police car and was soon caught and arrested. Taken to the police station for questioning, she was asked why she had taken the car.

”I always wanted a Porsche.” she exclaimed.

“That’s not a Porsche; it’s a Crown Victoria,” said the detective.

”No, it’s a Porsche!” insisted the blonde, “It’s got 911 written all over it!”
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

User avatar
Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#264 Post by Vandal » Tue Aug 17, 2021 6:11 am

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Bob Juch
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Location: Oro Valley, Arizona
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Re: Joke of the Day

#265 Post by Bob Juch » Wed Aug 18, 2021 10:32 pm

Image
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

User avatar
Vandal
Director of Promos
Posts: 5498
Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:42 pm
Location: Literary Circles
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Re: Joke of the Day

#266 Post by Vandal » Thu Aug 19, 2021 10:55 am

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

User avatar
Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#267 Post by Bob Juch » Thu Aug 19, 2021 9:18 pm

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I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

User avatar
Vandal
Director of Promos
Posts: 5498
Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:42 pm
Location: Literary Circles
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Re: Joke of the Day

#268 Post by Vandal » Sun Aug 22, 2021 1:39 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Beebs52
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Re: Joke of the Day

#269 Post by Beebs52 » Sun Aug 22, 2021 1:51 pm

Bob Juch wrote:
Thu Aug 19, 2021 9:18 pm
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So bad. Funny, but groaner.
Well, then

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Re: Joke of the Day

#270 Post by Beebs52 » Sun Aug 22, 2021 1:52 pm

Vandal wrote:
Sun Aug 22, 2021 1:39 pm
Image
Even worse, but still funny.
Well, then

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Re: Joke of the Day

#271 Post by Vandal » Sun Aug 22, 2021 3:09 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

User avatar
Bob Juch
Posts: 24348
Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:58 am
Location: Oro Valley, Arizona
Contact:

Re: Joke of the Day

#272 Post by Bob Juch » Sun Aug 22, 2021 5:38 pm

Image
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

User avatar
Bob Juch
Posts: 24348
Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:58 am
Location: Oro Valley, Arizona
Contact:

Re: Joke of the Day

#273 Post by Bob Juch » Tue Aug 24, 2021 7:42 pm

Image
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

User avatar
themanintheseersuckersuit
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Re: Joke of the Day

#274 Post by themanintheseersuckersuit » Wed Aug 25, 2021 8:26 pm

Suitguy is not bitter.

feels he represents the many educated and rational onlookers who believe that the hysterical denouncement of lay scepticism is both unwarranted and counter-productive

The problem, then, is that such calls do not address an opposition audience so much as they signal virtue. They talk past those who need convincing. They ignore actual facts and counterargument. And they are irreparably smug.

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#275 Post by Vandal » Thu Aug 26, 2021 10:57 am

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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