
Joke of the Day
- Vandal
- Director of Promos
- Posts: 7049
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:42 pm
- Location: Literary Circles
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the Day

_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark
Devin Drake and The Family Secret
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster
Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark
Devin Drake and The Family Secret
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster
Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com
- Beebs52
- Queen of Wack
- Posts: 15985
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:38 am
- Location: Location.Location.Location
- ne1410s
- Posts: 2961
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 5:26 pm
- Location: The Friendly Confines
Re: Joke of the Day
Doctor to male patient: You have to stop masturbating.
Patient: Why?
Doctor: I need to finish the examination.
Patient: Why?
Doctor: I need to finish the examination.
"When you argue with a fool, there are two fools in the argument."
- Vandal
- Director of Promos
- Posts: 7049
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:42 pm
- Location: Literary Circles
- Contact:
- silverscreenselect
- Posts: 24003
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:21 pm
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the Day
Why did Adam and Eve get kicked out of the Garden of Eden?
Spoiler
Because they didn't read the Apple terms and conditions.
Check out our website: http://www.silverscreenvideos.com
- BackInTex
- Posts: 13322
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:43 pm
- Location: In Texas of course!
Re: Joke of the Day
An old man was sitting front row, center court at a Knicks game one evening. Next to him was an empty seat.
A young man on the other side of him said “I can’t believe somebody has courtside seats and doesn’t come to the game.”
The old man replied “That is my wife’s seat. We were married 37 years and she passed away four days ago.“
The young man said “I’m so sorry to hear that but couldn’t you find some friends or a relative or something to come to the game with you?”
The old man replied “No, they’re all at the funeral.”
A young man on the other side of him said “I can’t believe somebody has courtside seats and doesn’t come to the game.”
The old man replied “That is my wife’s seat. We were married 37 years and she passed away four days ago.“
The young man said “I’m so sorry to hear that but couldn’t you find some friends or a relative or something to come to the game with you?”
The old man replied “No, they’re all at the funeral.”
..what country can preserve it’s liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? let them take arms.
~~ Thomas Jefferson
War is where the government tells you who the bad guy is.
Revolution is when you decide that for yourself.
-- Benjamin Franklin (maybe)
~~ Thomas Jefferson
War is where the government tells you who the bad guy is.
Revolution is when you decide that for yourself.
-- Benjamin Franklin (maybe)
- Vandal
- Director of Promos
- Posts: 7049
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:42 pm
- Location: Literary Circles
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the Day

_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark
Devin Drake and The Family Secret
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster
Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark
Devin Drake and The Family Secret
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster
Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com
- Beebs52
- Queen of Wack
- Posts: 15985
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:38 am
- Location: Location.Location.Location
- tlynn78
- Posts: 9260
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:31 am
- Location: Montana
Re: Joke of the Day
An oldie but goodie:
Two young brothers are getting ready for the day up in their room.
7 year old: I think we're old enough to start cussing.
5 year old: Sounds good to me. What do we say?
7 year old: When we go to breakfast, I'm going to say "damn;" you say "ass." 5 year old agrees and they scamper off.
Mom: What would you like for breakfast?
7 year old: I'll have some damn Cheerios
WHACK! Mom slaps him out of his chair, chasing him all the way back upstairs, smacking him with her slipper with each step.
Mom returns to the kitchen and asks 5 year old what he'd like for breakfast.
5 year old: You can bet your ass I don't want any damn Cheerios!
Two young brothers are getting ready for the day up in their room.
7 year old: I think we're old enough to start cussing.
5 year old: Sounds good to me. What do we say?
7 year old: When we go to breakfast, I'm going to say "damn;" you say "ass." 5 year old agrees and they scamper off.
Mom: What would you like for breakfast?
7 year old: I'll have some damn Cheerios
WHACK! Mom slaps him out of his chair, chasing him all the way back upstairs, smacking him with her slipper with each step.
Mom returns to the kitchen and asks 5 year old what he'd like for breakfast.
5 year old: You can bet your ass I don't want any damn Cheerios!
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. -Thomas Paine
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. -Voltaire
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. -Voltaire
- Bob Juch
- Posts: 26867
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:58 am
- Location: Oro Valley, Arizona
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the Day
A little story to start your Christmas season in the right spirit.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.
Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
He went to harness the reindeer; he found three of them were about to give birth, and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
When he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground, and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa entered the house for a glass of cider and a shot of rum.
He went to the cupboard; he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the rum.
In frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, which broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then, the doorbell rang; an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and a little angel stood with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel chirped, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. Not a lot of people know this.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.
Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
He went to harness the reindeer; he found three of them were about to give birth, and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
When he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground, and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa entered the house for a glass of cider and a shot of rum.
He went to the cupboard; he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the rum.
In frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, which broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then, the doorbell rang; an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and a little angel stood with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel chirped, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. Not a lot of people know this.
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)
Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)
Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.
- Vandal
- Director of Promos
- Posts: 7049
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:42 pm
- Location: Literary Circles
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the Day
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark
Devin Drake and The Family Secret
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster
Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark
Devin Drake and The Family Secret
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster
Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com
- Bob Juch
- Posts: 26867
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:58 am
- Location: Oro Valley, Arizona
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the Day
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman came over to their table, gave the husband a big kiss, said she'd see him later and walked away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, and I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infinities and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.......
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, and I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infinities and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.......
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)
Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)
Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.
- Beebs52
- Queen of Wack
- Posts: 15985
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:38 am
- Location: Location.Location.Location
- tlynn78
- Posts: 9260
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:31 am
- Location: Montana
Re: Joke of the Day
Last time I was in Paris, I tripped. Eiffel over.
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. -Thomas Paine
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. -Voltaire
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. -Voltaire
- Beebs52
- Queen of Wack
- Posts: 15985
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:38 am
- Location: Location.Location.Location
- triviawayne
- Posts: 681
- Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2015 6:38 am
- BackInTex
- Posts: 13322
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:43 pm
- Location: In Texas of course!
Re: Joke of the Day
Reminds me of the time I visited Athens. Got up really early to go visit the Parthenon. Came out of the hotel and looked for a breakfast restaurant, but there were none open. I asked a local why none of the restaurants were open and he told me none opened before sun rise because Dawn is tough on Greece.triviawayne wrote: ↑Fri Nov 22, 2024 6:43 ammy back hurt after climbing the Great Pyramid. I needed a....cairo-practor
..what country can preserve it’s liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? let them take arms.
~~ Thomas Jefferson
War is where the government tells you who the bad guy is.
Revolution is when you decide that for yourself.
-- Benjamin Franklin (maybe)
~~ Thomas Jefferson
War is where the government tells you who the bad guy is.
Revolution is when you decide that for yourself.
-- Benjamin Franklin (maybe)
- jarnon
- Posts: 6675
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:52 pm
- Location: Merion, Pa.
Re: Joke of the Day
On your next trip go to India instead. They’ve got good Delhi.BackInTex wrote: ↑Fri Nov 22, 2024 1:46 pmReminds me of the time I visited Athens. Got up really early to go visit the Parthenon. Came out of the hotel and looked for a breakfast restaurant, but there were none open. I asked a local why none of the restaurants were open and he told me none opened before sun rise because Dawn is tough on Greece.
Слава Україні!
עם ישראל חי
עם ישראל חי
- tlynn78
- Posts: 9260
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:31 am
- Location: Montana
Re: Joke of the Day
triviawayne wrote: ↑Fri Nov 22, 2024 6:43 ammy back hurt after climbing the Great Pyramid. I needed a....cairo-practor




To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. -Thomas Paine
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. -Voltaire
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. -Voltaire
- tlynn78
- Posts: 9260
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:31 am
- Location: Montana
Re: Joke of the Day
Oh. Lord.BackInTex wrote: ↑Fri Nov 22, 2024 1:46 pmReminds me of the time I visited Athens. Got up really early to go visit the Parthenon. Came out of the hotel and looked for a breakfast restaurant, but there were none open. I asked a local why none of the restaurants were open and he told me none opened before sun rise because Dawn is tough on Greece.triviawayne wrote: ↑Fri Nov 22, 2024 6:43 ammy back hurt after climbing the Great Pyramid. I needed a....cairo-practor
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. -Thomas Paine
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. -Voltaire
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. -Voltaire
- tlynn78
- Posts: 9260
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:31 am
- Location: Montana
Re: Joke of the Day
Where's the face-palm emoji?jarnon wrote: ↑Fri Nov 22, 2024 2:00 pmOn your next trip go to India instead. They’ve got good Delhi.BackInTex wrote: ↑Fri Nov 22, 2024 1:46 pmReminds me of the time I visited Athens. Got up really early to go visit the Parthenon. Came out of the hotel and looked for a breakfast restaurant, but there were none open. I asked a local why none of the restaurants were open and he told me none opened before sun rise because Dawn is tough on Greece.
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. -Thomas Paine
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. -Voltaire
You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. -Ayn Rand
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. -Voltaire
- Beebs52
- Queen of Wack
- Posts: 15985
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:38 am
- Location: Location.Location.Location
- triviawayne
- Posts: 681
- Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2015 6:38 am
Re: Joke of the Day
I hear it's new, I'll wait until the crowd dies downjarnon wrote: ↑Fri Nov 22, 2024 2:00 pmOn your next trip go to India instead. They’ve got good Delhi.BackInTex wrote: ↑Fri Nov 22, 2024 1:46 pmReminds me of the time I visited Athens. Got up really early to go visit the Parthenon. Came out of the hotel and looked for a breakfast restaurant, but there were none open. I asked a local why none of the restaurants were open and he told me none opened before sun rise because Dawn is tough on Greece.
- Vandal
- Director of Promos
- Posts: 7049
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:42 pm
- Location: Literary Circles
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the Day
Say what?

_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark
Devin Drake and The Family Secret
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster
Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark
Devin Drake and The Family Secret
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster
Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com
- Beebs52
- Queen of Wack
- Posts: 15985
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:38 am
- Location: Location.Location.Location