Joke of the Day

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#301 Post by Vandal » Thu Oct 28, 2021 2:50 pm

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#302 Post by Bob Juch » Thu Oct 28, 2021 9:51 pm

A guy goes into a styling salon where they do just about anything cosmetically and orders up a manicure and a shave. The manicurist is a beautiful young lady, so the guy starts flirting with her then asks her, “would you like to go out with me?” She sweetly answers, “I would, but I’m married”. The guy then asks, ‘Well, why don’t you ask your husband if you can get away for a couple of hours?” and the pretty girl answers, “You ask him. He’s shaving you”.
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#303 Post by Vandal » Fri Oct 29, 2021 4:39 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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BackInTex
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Re: Joke of the Day

#304 Post by BackInTex » Fri Oct 29, 2021 5:00 pm

Vandal wrote:
Fri Oct 29, 2021 4:39 pm
Image
All I hear is “I lost my ALCS”. :wink:
..what country can preserve it’s liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? let them take arms.
~~ Thomas Jefferson

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Beebs52
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Re: Joke of the Day

#305 Post by Beebs52 » Fri Oct 29, 2021 5:30 pm

BackInTex wrote:
Fri Oct 29, 2021 5:00 pm
Vandal wrote:
Fri Oct 29, 2021 4:39 pm
Image
All I hear is “I lost my ALCS”. :wink:

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Well, then

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#306 Post by Vandal » Fri Oct 29, 2021 8:05 pm

The faster team won.

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#307 Post by Vandal » Sat Oct 30, 2021 7:29 am

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#308 Post by Bob Juch » Mon Nov 01, 2021 11:49 pm

The retriever had decided he was tired of getting up at 4 in the morning and jumping into freezing water to bring shot ducks back to his master. He got the newspaper and scanned the help wanted ads. Seeing one for an office worker, he went to apply.

Entering the office that had placed the ad, he dropped the paper on a desk and put his paw on the ad.

The first thing he had to do was the keyboard on the computer. He did several flawless pages, at 75 words per minute.

Next, he had to file. He put the whole ‘out’ basket in the various file folders.

”That’s mighty impressive,” the interviewer said, but the job requires all applicants to be bi-lingual.”

The dog looked at her, and said “Meow!”
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#309 Post by Bob Juch » Tue Nov 02, 2021 2:31 pm

My wife just called.

"What?"

"I've got good news and bad news!"

"What's the good news?"

"All the car's airbags worked fine…!"
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#310 Post by Vandal » Tue Nov 02, 2021 4:28 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#311 Post by Bob Juch » Wed Nov 03, 2021 5:13 pm

An older woman went to a walk-in clinic where she was seen by a young, new doctor.

After about 3 minutes in the exam room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out the door, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was.

After she told him what had happened, he sat her down in another exam room and marched back to where the first doctor was.

'What is the matter with you? That lady is over 60 years old, has four grown children and several grandchildren! And you told her she was pregnant?! Are you insane?!'

The young doctor continued to write on his clipboard, and without looking up, he asked, 'Agh, but does she still have the hiccups?'
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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SpacemanSpiff
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Re: Joke of the Day

#312 Post by SpacemanSpiff » Wed Nov 10, 2021 8:55 am

Bob Juch wrote:
Tue Nov 02, 2021 2:31 pm
My wife just called.

"What?"

"I've got good news and bad news!"

"What's the good news?"

"All the car's airbags worked fine…!"
I actually said that to a boss of mine once when reporting an auto accident by a subordinate (employee was fine, car wasn't, and deer was in worse shape than the car).

I quickly discovered he had no sense of humor.
"If you're dead, you don't have any freedoms at all." - Jason Isbell

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#313 Post by Vandal » Thu Nov 11, 2021 1:32 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Vandal
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Re: Joke of the Day

#314 Post by Vandal » Sun Nov 14, 2021 3:59 pm

Image
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
Running On Empty
The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

Ready: Devin Drake and The Family Secret

Working on:
Devin Drake and The RollerGhoster

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Beebs52
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Re: Joke of the Day

#315 Post by Beebs52 » Sun Nov 14, 2021 4:39 pm

Vandal wrote:
Sun Nov 14, 2021 3:59 pm
Image
Having a unicorn loving granddaughter, yeah!
Well, then

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tlynn78
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Re: Joke of the Day

#316 Post by tlynn78 » Mon Nov 15, 2021 9:50 am

Beebs52 wrote:
Sun Nov 14, 2021 4:39 pm
Vandal wrote:
Sun Nov 14, 2021 3:59 pm
Image
Having a unicorn loving granddaughter, yeah!
Gah! Unicorns, everywhere.
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. -Thomas Paine

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#317 Post by Bob Juch » Wed Nov 17, 2021 12:48 pm

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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Bob Juch
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Re: Joke of the Day

#318 Post by Bob Juch » Sat Nov 20, 2021 9:34 pm

So there I was, sitting in a recliner, watching a movie, eating ice cream and Doritos, minding my own business, and Walmart calls the cops.
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

User avatar
Bob Juch
Posts: 24331
Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:58 am
Location: Oro Valley, Arizona
Contact:

Re: Joke of the Day

#319 Post by Bob Juch » Wed Nov 24, 2021 6:10 pm

Image
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to drive in New Jersey.

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