Fireball's Fecal 50 -- #20-#11
Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2018 10:57 am
You're still here? Either you have a cast-iron belly or you're a masochist. In any case, here come ten songs that will definitely make you violently ill.
#20: Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice (1990)
#4 in 2004
Another entry that you probably saw coming from a mile away. As awful as "Ninja Rap" was, I think I'll have to stay with the original turd... though it's sightly less intolerable now than it was when I was younger. Besides, a lot of recent rap songs have leapfrogged this one in terms of awfulness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rog8ou-ZepE
#19: Higher, Creed (1999)
#15 in 2004
Any Creed song belongs on this list, but I really don't have the time to listen to Scott Stapp scream these nonsense lyrics over low-rent grunge melodies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J16lInLZRms
#18: Wildfire, Michael Martin Murphey (1975)
Out of all of the songs that were released during that great musical decade of the 1970s, the one that I would least want to hear again is this Godd**n horsey song that I alluded to back in May. Nothing against Michael personally. You saw how much I loved his 1982 hit "What's Forever For", as it placed #69 in my Early 1980s list. Incidentally, his biggest song makes me ask that question myself: What's forever for, when "Wildfire" is allowed to be a hit? There's a fine line between a beautiful heartbreak song and whiny depressing bullcrap... and this song is the latter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pc3OnSQc48s
#17: Gucci Gang, Lil Pump (2017)
I railed on this song late last year on my Facebook page. I'll just repeat what I said about it then: "I don't know who this Lil Pump is, but I know already that I hate him. I've been listening to rap music for almost the entire 37 years of my lifetime, and I can honestly say that 'Gucci Gang' perfectly exhibits THE LAZIEST SONGWRITING EVER! 'Gucci Gang' runs under 2 1/2 minutes, and half of it is just Lil Pump repeating 'Gucci Gang'. I've written more creative lyrics than that. Seriously, if lyrics like that can get somebody a recording contract, then maybe I still have a shot at a career in rap music." I actually bothered to count how many times this asshat says "Gucci Gang". Fifty-three. Yep, this is the current state of the music industry, ladies and gentlemen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LfJnj66HVQ
#16: No Limit, G-Eazy f/ A$AP Rocky & Cardi B (2017)
And here is an exhibition of the second laziest piece of songwriting ever... but why is this song one spot higher than Lil Pump? It's one thing to incessantly repeat lines out of laziness. It's another to incessantly repeat lines that have no business of being in any song whatsoever. G-Eazy repeats, "F**k with me and get some money". Cardi B--who nearly got on this list a second time with her super-annoying #1 single "Bodak Yellow (Money Moves)"--repeats, "F**k him then I get some money". It sounds as if G-Eazy and Cardi B are proclaiming themselves to be a pimp and a prostitute, but the only thing that really matters is what G-Eazy and Cardi B definitely are: Terrible rappers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGfSaVDymjk
#15: How You Remind Me, Nickelback (2001)
#11 in 2004
Another entry that should surprise nobody. Believe it or not, this isn't even the highest ranking import of Canadian crap. You probably have a good guess on which Canadian act ranked higher.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aiay8I5IPB8
#14: Music, Madonna (2000)
#6 in 2004
Hey, Mr. DJ! Throw this piece of crap in the toilet, where it still belongs! It's pretty ironic that this song was called "Music", because nothing in this song even resembled music. We know Madonna is way better than this, when she actually gives a damn.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sdz2oW0NMFk
#13: Around the World (La La La La La), ATC (2000)
#5 in 2004
Back in 2004, I referred to this song as "the most annoying European import since Robin Leach". In 2018, I say that Piers Morgan is the most annoying European import since ATC. I'm relieved that the European dance pop trend never caught on in the States in the new millennium.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRvGZffXhfk
#12: Lollipop, Lil' Wayne f/ Static Major (2008)
Weezy abused autotune so much in this song that I'm surprised he hasn't been slapped with a sexual assault lawsuit yet. That's not even getting into the lyrics, which are riddled with BJ innuendo that would make Harvey Weinstein blush. "How Many Licks" was bad, but this one makes me want to hurl every time it comes on the radio.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IH8tNQAzSs
#11: Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae), Silentó (2015)
"Now watch me whip... now watch me nae nae". Or you could just watch me put my stanky legg up Silentó's punk ass. The repetitive nonsense lyrics are bad enough, but this song is one prime example of what I believe is the all-time worst trend ever to occur in music--not just rap music, but music in general: "Ringtone rap". What is "ringtone rap"? A song with a simplistic beat made by some hack producer with access to FL Studio, featuring simplistic lyrics by some Z-list rapper who got discovered in a Houston Taco Bell by some music executive assclown, all for the purpose of turning it into a ringtone that millions of selfish whiny entitled millennials can put on their cellphone to look kewl, so the music executive assclowns can line their pockets even more than they are already lined because it isn't enough that these music executive assclowns are robbing those Z-list rappers blind in their f**king contracts!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjW8wmF5VWc
I'm done with this song... and done with today. That was a chore. Unfortunately, I still have to do this one last time. Tune in for the top ten tomorrow... if you dare.
#20: Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice (1990)
#4 in 2004
Another entry that you probably saw coming from a mile away. As awful as "Ninja Rap" was, I think I'll have to stay with the original turd... though it's sightly less intolerable now than it was when I was younger. Besides, a lot of recent rap songs have leapfrogged this one in terms of awfulness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rog8ou-ZepE
#19: Higher, Creed (1999)
#15 in 2004
Any Creed song belongs on this list, but I really don't have the time to listen to Scott Stapp scream these nonsense lyrics over low-rent grunge melodies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J16lInLZRms
#18: Wildfire, Michael Martin Murphey (1975)
Out of all of the songs that were released during that great musical decade of the 1970s, the one that I would least want to hear again is this Godd**n horsey song that I alluded to back in May. Nothing against Michael personally. You saw how much I loved his 1982 hit "What's Forever For", as it placed #69 in my Early 1980s list. Incidentally, his biggest song makes me ask that question myself: What's forever for, when "Wildfire" is allowed to be a hit? There's a fine line between a beautiful heartbreak song and whiny depressing bullcrap... and this song is the latter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pc3OnSQc48s
#17: Gucci Gang, Lil Pump (2017)
I railed on this song late last year on my Facebook page. I'll just repeat what I said about it then: "I don't know who this Lil Pump is, but I know already that I hate him. I've been listening to rap music for almost the entire 37 years of my lifetime, and I can honestly say that 'Gucci Gang' perfectly exhibits THE LAZIEST SONGWRITING EVER! 'Gucci Gang' runs under 2 1/2 minutes, and half of it is just Lil Pump repeating 'Gucci Gang'. I've written more creative lyrics than that. Seriously, if lyrics like that can get somebody a recording contract, then maybe I still have a shot at a career in rap music." I actually bothered to count how many times this asshat says "Gucci Gang". Fifty-three. Yep, this is the current state of the music industry, ladies and gentlemen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LfJnj66HVQ
#16: No Limit, G-Eazy f/ A$AP Rocky & Cardi B (2017)
And here is an exhibition of the second laziest piece of songwriting ever... but why is this song one spot higher than Lil Pump? It's one thing to incessantly repeat lines out of laziness. It's another to incessantly repeat lines that have no business of being in any song whatsoever. G-Eazy repeats, "F**k with me and get some money". Cardi B--who nearly got on this list a second time with her super-annoying #1 single "Bodak Yellow (Money Moves)"--repeats, "F**k him then I get some money". It sounds as if G-Eazy and Cardi B are proclaiming themselves to be a pimp and a prostitute, but the only thing that really matters is what G-Eazy and Cardi B definitely are: Terrible rappers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGfSaVDymjk
#15: How You Remind Me, Nickelback (2001)
#11 in 2004
Another entry that should surprise nobody. Believe it or not, this isn't even the highest ranking import of Canadian crap. You probably have a good guess on which Canadian act ranked higher.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aiay8I5IPB8
#14: Music, Madonna (2000)
#6 in 2004
Hey, Mr. DJ! Throw this piece of crap in the toilet, where it still belongs! It's pretty ironic that this song was called "Music", because nothing in this song even resembled music. We know Madonna is way better than this, when she actually gives a damn.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sdz2oW0NMFk
#13: Around the World (La La La La La), ATC (2000)
#5 in 2004
Back in 2004, I referred to this song as "the most annoying European import since Robin Leach". In 2018, I say that Piers Morgan is the most annoying European import since ATC. I'm relieved that the European dance pop trend never caught on in the States in the new millennium.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRvGZffXhfk
#12: Lollipop, Lil' Wayne f/ Static Major (2008)
Weezy abused autotune so much in this song that I'm surprised he hasn't been slapped with a sexual assault lawsuit yet. That's not even getting into the lyrics, which are riddled with BJ innuendo that would make Harvey Weinstein blush. "How Many Licks" was bad, but this one makes me want to hurl every time it comes on the radio.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IH8tNQAzSs
#11: Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae), Silentó (2015)
"Now watch me whip... now watch me nae nae". Or you could just watch me put my stanky legg up Silentó's punk ass. The repetitive nonsense lyrics are bad enough, but this song is one prime example of what I believe is the all-time worst trend ever to occur in music--not just rap music, but music in general: "Ringtone rap". What is "ringtone rap"? A song with a simplistic beat made by some hack producer with access to FL Studio, featuring simplistic lyrics by some Z-list rapper who got discovered in a Houston Taco Bell by some music executive assclown, all for the purpose of turning it into a ringtone that millions of selfish whiny entitled millennials can put on their cellphone to look kewl, so the music executive assclowns can line their pockets even more than they are already lined because it isn't enough that these music executive assclowns are robbing those Z-list rappers blind in their f**king contracts!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjW8wmF5VWc
I'm done with this song... and done with today. That was a chore. Unfortunately, I still have to do this one last time. Tune in for the top ten tomorrow... if you dare.