Fireball's Fecal 50 -- #40-#31

[Pastor Fireball]

If you're reading this post, then you haven't destroyed your computer or reached for the Pepto-Bismol yet. You're strong enough to go up to the second level of this mountain of crap. While yesterday's introductory songs were mildly embarrassing, today's entries will evoke the stunned silence of the audience at the beginning of "Springtime for Hitler" in The Producers... though I doubt that anybody will be laughing by the end of this post. Only one song in this section is new to my list, though that song is older than I am.

So here you go... ten worse songs than yesterday!

#40: How Many Licks, Lil' Kim f/ Sisqo (2000)
#25 in 2004

Use your imagination on what the title means, then you'll know why this song belongs here. The video was even worse. Sisqo not only featured in this song, but co-wrote it. He contributed nothing redeemable here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhCD9qxlczo

By the way, this won't be the last time that we see Sisqo in this countdown because...

#39: Thong Song, Sisqo (2000)
#31 in 2004

... you knew this song was coming. Do you really need a reason for this one? I have nothing against Sisqo as a musician. He put out some great songs as a member of Dru Hill--everything except for "Wild Wild West", which was just big-budget crap.
"Incomplete" was a prime solo effort, and it was a #1 hit on the Hot 100. But there has never been a reason to write or record a song about women's underwear. Ever. This song is why.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oai1V7kaFBk

#38: Thoia Thoing, R. Kelly (2003)
#23 in 2004

Similar title to the last song. Don't know what the title means, don't know what the song is about, and don't give a crap. R. Kelly's fake Jamaican accent was totally unnecessary. Hell, most club songs in the 2000s were totally unnecessary... but this one is near the top of that list. When R. Kelly actually tries, he can put out a good club song. "Fiesta" is a good club song. This one... just, no.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yv4TpHm0NPI

#37: You Light Up My Life, Debby Boone (1978)

At one time, I considered this song nothing more than mediocre commercial bullcrap. Then the songwriter, Joe Brooks, got busted for sexually harassing eleven women and, honestly, I cannot listen to this song in the same light anymore. I would have put this song way higher for that reason, but there are too many songs worse than this one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b07-yKnKRMQ

#36: Not Too Young, Not Too Old, Aaron Carter (2001)
#13 in 2004

And not too talented, either. Nick Carter's kid brother should have kept his day job. Maybe he wouldn't have gotten into so much legal trouble over the past ten years.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HIh2i0i-No

#35: Tom Sawyer, Rush (1981)
#19 in 2004

This will almost certainly be the most controversial entry on this list because I know a lot of people on the Bored love Rush. Then again, a lot of people love Chick-Fil-A, too, but that doesn't make it right. I will love neither Rush nor Chick-Fil-A for the same reason: I'm too mature for self-important blandness. When you're the most uninteresting and most unmemorable band in rock history, you could fill an entire list of terrible songs. This is the only Rush song that my brain has the ability to remember, and it's just God-awful.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auLBLk4ibAk

#34: Heartbeat, Don Johnson (1986)
#16 in 2004

Helen Reddy originally recorded this song in 1983, and I kinda wish it had stayed her song. Don Johnson was yet another actor in that popular/frustrating 1980s trend of, "Hey, he's a big Hollywood star! Let's give him a recording contract!" We've already seen Bruce Willis and Eddie Murphy earlier in the Fecal 50. Don is the one I least want to hear again. Hell, I'd rather listen to Rappin' Rodney Dangerfield than listen to this dreck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CR4lSORZ_Q

#33: Cotton Eye Joe, Rednex (1994)
#41 in 2004

Clearly, this song has not aged as well as I have. It was bad then. Now it's bad and annoying.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOYZaiDZ7BM

#32: Informer, Snow (1992)
#39 in 2004

Nothing like a white Canadian reggae singer talking about getting violated by the police, right? N.W.A.'s "F**k the Police" at least had a purpose to be recorded. This song should have been beaten the same way that the NYPD beats innocent Americans.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUmIiWLoEuo

#31: One More Time, Daft Punk (2000)
#14 in 2004

This is just five excruciating minutes of the same lyrics over and over again--which certainly explains the title. I know that electronic dance songs traditionally have limited lyrics, but come on! That's not a legitimate excuse for monotony. Be a little more creative, would ya? Thankfully, the duo has since redeemed themselves, scoring two songs very high in the Fireball Fantastic 500. When it comes to ad nauseam lyrics, though, this song is less offensive than a few songs that appear higher up on this list.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGBhQbmPwH8

Everybody please try to have a safe and happy Christmas weekend. Take a few days to recharge, and we'll continue down this sewer on Wednesday.