WWTBAM Bored

As you may recall, I am currently a jobless loser, spending much of my time doing stuff that is supposed to help me find a new job. Maybe.

Well.

Two jobs for which I recently applied involved going through company websites, and both asked if I had been 'referred' to the company or if I knew someone at the company. As it happens, I sort of do, but it is a bit sticky.

About a year after I lost my sweet Margaret, a friend tried to fix me up with someone who happens to be an attorney at one of the two companies; by coincidence, at the very same time, a Scout Mom at the Young Ones' Boy Scout troop (who happens to be an officer at another of the companies), um, expressed an interest in me. I really was not up to anything at the time, although I THINK things remained on a positive note with both of them (well, as positive as they can be, when you blow someone off). They are both really fine women, very well-regarded in their fields, and it would have been nice to have been able to use them as 'referrals,' but I did not feel entirely comfortable about it, it really did seem to me that I would have just been 'using' them in the bad sense, so I did not contact either of them about this (I have not had any real contact with the attorney since our 'blind date,' and I have only had minimal Scout-related contacts with the other woman since the 'I can't go there now' moment).

So the issue there is whether or not I should have approached either one of the ladies for a 'referral.' But that just seemed kind of tacky. So I didn't do it.

wintergreen48 wrote:As you may recall, I am currently a jobless loser

Nonsense. You are a retired man of leisure. Or pre-retired. Or on sabbatical.

And you made the right call about the referrals.

wintergreen48 wrote: So the issue there is whether or not I should have approached either one of the ladies for a 'referral.' But that just seemed kind of tacky. So I didn't do it.

I think that it's classy that you didn't ask them for a referral.

Michael, I wish you nothing but success in your search. I understand how tough it is, having done it twice. All I'll add is that, if NOW you wanted to reenter the dating market as well as the job market, this is a great way to do it!

I'm also sorry I wasn't here in your fair city longer this week. I believe I owe you a beverage for putting up with me for the last several years. I'm at the airport for the next three hours...

Also, if one of the companies is a major power and gas company based in the Old Dominion, you have another "in"...although I'm a contractor, not an official employee.

I would call both of those women and be straightforward and honest.

Tell them that you were and and are not in a place where you want to date. (if that is still true)

Tell them that you understand if they have no interest in assisting you in a professional matter.

If they could see how your professional qualifications would benefit their company, would they be willing to be your intro to the company.

It really is simple if you distinguish professional from personal.

FWIW, some companies pay a bonus for referrals, so you may actually be doing them a favor by namechecking them. My company does pay if someone we refer is hired on. It's not a grandiose sum, but it's nice.

So it may not have been "using"- sometimes these things are mutually beneficial.

That said, I think you probably did the right thing to avoid a sticky situation.