WWTBAM Bored

I guess it's time for me to face up to it - my third son is getting married, on Halloween. elladan is the "off-beat" member of the brood, and the girl he's marrying is nice but is of a similar bent. So naturally, they decided to get married on October 31st and make it a "costume party" wedding. Everyone is supposed to come in some sort of costume, even the father of the groom (yours truly). Evidently they're trying to find a minister who will go along with this idea. They're getting married in a park, with a picnic planned for the reception.

I'm a little ambiguous in how I feel about this - he is two years older than I was when I got married, and I suspect that my maturity level then was on a par with his now, but I just don't think he's ready for this. He has been living with the girl for almost a year, though, and I'm glad that they have finally decided to take this step, but still...

Congratulations to elladan!

earendel wrote:So naturally, they decided to get married on October 31st and make it a "costume party" wedding. Everyone is supposed to come in some sort of costume, even the father of the groom (yours truly).

I'll polish up my chains!

Why don't you dress up as a father of the groom.

I contemplated a Halloween wedding, but realized that my parents and family might not appreciate it.

As PSM quite rightly pointed out, at most weddings the parties come in costume, A tuxedo would make an excellent costume.

Or you could go as themanintheseersuckersuit, but they might not get the joke.

It was always a tough road for me when Pealette was dead set on doing something I was not sure about. I hope that it works out for your son and his bride.

You can borrow one of my outfits, they're perfect for any Father.

It's one thing to attend your son's wedding about which you have misgivings.

It's another thing to attend your son's wedding about which you have misgivings while dressed weird.

Not to play Dr. Phil here, but do you think your son's choice of Halloween with costumes is his way of not facing his family with this decision? Or, by having people dressing up, forcing his family to go along with it?

I think one of the hardest thing as a parent is to watch your child make his own decisions and live with the outcome. It's also the most rewarding, sometimes. Best of luck to you. It may be a bit difficult, but embracing their plans will help build a better relationship between you and the 'couple' that your son is becoming.


t.

My first response is "He is mocking the serious nature of the commitment" and I would try to get him to understand the consequences, not of the wedding, but of the marriage.

My second response is "I think most people take the wedding far too seriously and don't take the marriage serious enough." So maybe, in some way this is his way of showing the foolishness of a serious wedding, and hopefully during the event he will speak and let everyone know his serious dedication to the marriage.

One of the best weddings I ever attended was on Halloween, with costumes worn by the entire wedding party. Costumes for guests were optional, but most everyone came up with something. The invitations and decorations were adapted from Edward Gorey drawings.

The whole thing was fun! Everyone involved laughed often and long, as happens at all great celebrations.

Your son will probably always remember his anniversary, which is better than many men.

They can do worse than to go through life together with laughter and whimsy in their hearts. I wish for them that their whole journey as a married couple is filled with the light heartedness that they are taking their first step with.

TMITSSS has a great suggestion and I do wish them the best of luck.

Not much time for planning and I hope the weather cooperates. I do wish them a long and happy marriage.

nitrah55 wrote:It's one thing to attend your son's wedding about which you have misgivings.

It's another thing to attend your son's wedding about which you have misgivings while dressed weird.

Not to play Dr. Phil here, but do you think your son's choice of Halloween with costumes is his way of not facing his family with this decision? Or, by having people dressing up, forcing his family to go along with it?

No, it's just my son's natural weirdness shining forth. And costumes aren't required, but are suggested. I thought about wearing a T-shirt that elwing bought for me that reads, "Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult."

BackInTex wrote:My first response is "He is mocking the serious nature of the commitment" and I would try to get him to understand the consequences, not of the wedding, but of the marriage.

Been there, done that. Our pastor has been doing counseling with them about this. But he's agreed to perform the wedding AND wear a costume, so I guess I need to lighten up a little.

BackInTex wrote:My second response is "I think most people take the wedding far too seriously and don't take the marriage serious enough." So maybe, in some way this is his way of showing the foolishness of a serious wedding, and hopefully during the event he will speak and let everyone know his serious dedication to the marriage.

Good point.

earendel wrote:"Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult."

I like that alot!

Just the right sense of humor for the occasion.

earendel wrote: No, it's just my son's natural weirdness shining forth. And costumes aren't required, but are suggested. I thought about wearing a T-shirt that elwing bought for me that reads, "Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult."

As a responsibly adult member of the "naturally weird" tribe, I'll chime in that one of the best weddings I've ever been to was a costume wedding held on Halloween. My not-quite-ex and I went as Evil Charlie Brown and Good Lucy, complete with a Snoopy doll in a mohawk wig and a psychiatry booth. It was a great wedding, and both families had a great time with it. As a bonus, the costumes were a great icebreaker to get people talking, where I suspect if the "weird people" had gone in their usual weird clothing, the "normal" people wouldn't have been quite as willing to interact with them, but people with pink hair fit in just fine at a Halloween wedding.

ladysoleil wrote: As a bonus, the costumes were a great icebreaker to get people talking, where I suspect if the "weird people" had gone in their usual weird clothing, the "normal" people wouldn't have been quite as willing to interact with them, but people with pink hair fit in just fine at a Halloween wedding.

This is a good point -- and it works both ways, too. I've noticed -- on planes, in the dentist's office, on campus, etc. -- that people with tattoos, multiple piercings, and/or hair color unknown to nature tend to be more open to me when I'm not dressed like an aging Junior Leaguer or wearing a business suit. If I see them again later, it doesn't matter what I'm wearing because "we're friends."

ladysoleil wrote:As a responsibly adult member of the "naturally weird" tribe, I'll chime in that one of the best weddings I've ever been to was a costume wedding held on Halloween. My not-quite-ex and I went as Evil Charlie Brown and Good Lucy, complete with a Snoopy doll in a mohawk wig and a psychiatry booth. It was a great wedding, and both families had a great time with it. As a bonus, the costumes were a great icebreaker to get people talking, where I suspect if the "weird people" had gone in their usual weird clothing, the "normal" people wouldn't have been quite as willing to interact with them, but people with pink hair fit in just fine at a Halloween wedding.

I think I've decided that my objections to this Halloween wedding are threefold:

1. I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the idea that my son is actually getting married. As committed as I am to the institution of marriage, I don't want to see him do something that will end up badly later. He and his fiancee have been together for quite a while, but this is the same son who ran off to Oregon to be with someone he met online, dropping out of school and leaving a note for us. He's also showed a certain irresponsibility in other areas as well.

2. There has been a lot of talk but not much planning until just a couple weeks ago, meaning that everything is taking place at breakneck speed, including things like securing a minister, finding a location, etc. All of this should have been done weeks (or even months) ago, especially since they knew it was going to be a Halloween wedding.

3. The time and date are inconvenient - I don't think I would object quite as much if this were going to be on Saturday or Friday. I guess I should be thankful that they didn't decide to do it at midnight.

earendel wrote: The time and date are inconvenient - I don't think I would object quite as much if this were going to be on Saturday or Friday. I guess I should be thankful that they didn't decide to do it at midnight.

Sometimes it's cheaper to get married in the middle of the week.

PlacentiaSoccerMom wrote:

earendel wrote: The time and date are inconvenient - I don't think I would object quite as much if this were going to be on Saturday or Friday. I guess I should be thankful that they didn't decide to do it at midnight.

Sometimes it's cheaper to get married in the middle of the week.

True, and they need all the help they can get in that regard.

earendel wrote:
I think I've decided that my objections to this Halloween wedding are threefold:

1. I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the idea that my son is actually getting married. As committed as I am to the institution of marriage, I don't want to see him do something that will end up badly later. He and his fiancee have been together for quite a while, but this is the same son who ran off to Oregon to be with someone he met online, dropping out of school and leaving a note for us. He's also showed a certain irresponsibility in other areas as well.

That's fair as an objection, I think. But unfortunately, and I'm sure you already know this, he's an adult and gets to make his own choices, good or bad.

I also second your gripe about Wednesday. It really is a bad time for socializing, especially if people have to travel.

PlacentiaSoccerMom wrote:Your son will probably always remember his anniversary, which is better than many men.

He could follow the tribe method for forgetting fewer anniversaries - four months from today we'll celebrate our fourth anniversary and 16 years of wedded bliss.


I wish them the best.