Steven SpielBORED Presents...The Imitation Bored
Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2017 12:01 pm
Meet T-Bone Turing:
T-Bone Turing: Are you paying attention? Good. If you are not listening carefully, you will miss things. Important things. I will not pause,
I will not repeat myself, and you will not interrupt me. You think that because you're sitting where you are, and I am sitting where I am,
that you are in control of what is about to happen. You're mistaken. I am in control, because I know things that you do not know.
What I will need from you now is a commitment. You will listen closely, and you will not judge me until I am finished. If you cannot
commit to this, then please leave the thread. But if you choose to stay, remember you chose to be here. What happens from this
moment forward is not my responsibility. It's yours. Pay attention.
Scene: T-Bone Turing meets with Bored Administrator BiT about an important “code-cracking” position.
BiT: Mr. T-Bone, you seem to be just the man we are looking for. We just can’t seem to break this one.
T-Bone: The German Enigma code, right?
Bit: No, not that. I’m talking about an even more difficult problem. The Tangredi Code.
T-Bone: Ah, yes. The Tangredi Code. I like solving problems, Commander. And this Tangredi appears to be the most difficult
problem in the world.
BiT: This Tangredi isn't difficult, it's impossible. MrKelley, littlebeast, SSS, Jarnon, everyone thinks this Tangredi is unbreakable.
T-Bone: Good. Let me try and we'll know for sure, won't we?
Scene: T-Bone is assisted by some of the best code-breakers on The Bored: MrKelley, littlebeast, and Jarnon.
T-Bone: The team is not complete. We need one more.
MrKelley: Who did you have in mind?
T-Bone: We’ll give a test. Whoever does the best will join the team.
Scene: T-Bone places a clickbait ad on Facebook asking for people who can solve puzzles quickly. He gathers the best of them
together for a test.
Scene: Melly Clarke arrives late but is allowed to take the test.
SSS: They have six minutes to complete the test. Is that even possible?
T-Bone: No, it takes me eight.
Melly: [raises her hand]
T-Bone: You're finished?... Five minutes thirty four seconds.
Melly: You said to finish under six minutes.
T-Bone: You’re on the team!
Scene: The code-breaking team work for months …
[img]http://ca_assets.s3.amazonaws.com/ig2/assets/img/backgrounds/home.jpg[/img]
to help T-Bone build his Tangredi device:
Day after day the Tangredi device cranks on and on,
Trying to break the code…
But there is no solution…
Scene: Administrator BiT arrives with his moderators, ready to pull the plug on the Tangredi machine.
Bit: I’m afraid it’s over. You’ve had months figure out this puzzle and have accomplished nothing. You’re fired. Take it down.
T-Bone: No. We’re making progress. We just need a little more time.
Bit: We’ve given you plenty of time. Take it down.
MrKelley: If you fire him then you’ll have to fire all of us. All we need is six more months and we’ll have it solved.
[img]http://ca_assets.s3.amazonaws.com/ig2/assets/img/gallery/4.jpg[/img]
BiT: Very well. But you have one month or this comes down. One month!
Scene: Melly and T-Bone get engaged. It’s celebration time for the team!
But all is not what it seems.
Scene: T-Bone and the other finally get a breakthrough.
T-Bone: We didn’t take into account parenthetical answers.
Melly: It was right there in front of us the entire time.
MrKelley: I do believe we’ve cracked the code!
Jarnon: So we can post the answer now, right?
T-Bone: No!
Jarnon: Why not?
T-Bone: It’s too soon. If we solve it in its entirety, the mods will unpin it.
Jarnon: So what?
T-Bone: That means the top of the forum will be filled with those wretched #FAKENEWS posts. Who wants that?
Jarnon: Good point.
Scene: T-Bone finally reveals his secret to Melly
Melly: T-Bone, what's happened?
T-Bone: [pause] We can't be engaged anymore. Your parents need to take you back. Find you a husband elsewhere.
Melly: What's wrong with you?
T-Bone: I have something to tell you. I'm... I'm a Merryman.
Melly: So what?
T-Bone: So I’m not a real BB. We can’t…be together.
Melly: So what? I had my suspicions. I always did. But we're not like other BBs. We love each other in our own way,
and we can have the life together that we want. You won't be the perfect husband? I can promise you I harbored no
intention of being the perfect wife. Sounds like a better marriage than most. Because I care for you. And you care for me.
And we understand one another more than anyone else ever has.
T-Bone: I don't.
Melly: What?
T-Bone: Care for you. I never did. I just needed you to break Tangredi. I've done that now, so you can go.
Melly: You know what? They were right. MrKelley. LB. Jarnon. You really are a monster.
Scene: Months later, T-Bone is reprimanded for being a Merryman. Melly comes to visit him.
Melly: What have they done to you?
T-Bone: They gave me a choice. Either I permanently terminate my account or… or…
Melly: Or what?
T-Bone: Or make a list of the top songs of the year and post them on The Bored.
Melly: That doesn’t make any sense. Anyway, how hard can that be?
T-Bone: Have you listened to the radio lately?
Melly: Not really.
T-Bone: It makes me sick just thinking about it.
Melly: Assuming you go through with this list, what will you call it?
T-Bone: The Boney Awards.
Melly: That is just dreadful.
T-Bone: I know. But consider the alternative.
T-Bone Presents the 10th Annual Boney Awards
Starting Friday, March 10, 2017
Accept No Imitation
T-Bone Turing: Are you paying attention? Good. If you are not listening carefully, you will miss things. Important things. I will not pause,
I will not repeat myself, and you will not interrupt me. You think that because you're sitting where you are, and I am sitting where I am,
that you are in control of what is about to happen. You're mistaken. I am in control, because I know things that you do not know.
What I will need from you now is a commitment. You will listen closely, and you will not judge me until I am finished. If you cannot
commit to this, then please leave the thread. But if you choose to stay, remember you chose to be here. What happens from this
moment forward is not my responsibility. It's yours. Pay attention.
Scene: T-Bone Turing meets with Bored Administrator BiT about an important “code-cracking” position.
BiT: Mr. T-Bone, you seem to be just the man we are looking for. We just can’t seem to break this one.
T-Bone: The German Enigma code, right?
Bit: No, not that. I’m talking about an even more difficult problem. The Tangredi Code.
T-Bone: Ah, yes. The Tangredi Code. I like solving problems, Commander. And this Tangredi appears to be the most difficult
problem in the world.
BiT: This Tangredi isn't difficult, it's impossible. MrKelley, littlebeast, SSS, Jarnon, everyone thinks this Tangredi is unbreakable.
T-Bone: Good. Let me try and we'll know for sure, won't we?
Scene: T-Bone is assisted by some of the best code-breakers on The Bored: MrKelley, littlebeast, and Jarnon.
T-Bone: The team is not complete. We need one more.
MrKelley: Who did you have in mind?
T-Bone: We’ll give a test. Whoever does the best will join the team.
Scene: T-Bone places a clickbait ad on Facebook asking for people who can solve puzzles quickly. He gathers the best of them
together for a test.
Scene: Melly Clarke arrives late but is allowed to take the test.
SSS: They have six minutes to complete the test. Is that even possible?
T-Bone: No, it takes me eight.
Melly: [raises her hand]
T-Bone: You're finished?... Five minutes thirty four seconds.
Melly: You said to finish under six minutes.
T-Bone: You’re on the team!
Scene: The code-breaking team work for months …
[img]http://ca_assets.s3.amazonaws.com/ig2/assets/img/backgrounds/home.jpg[/img]
to help T-Bone build his Tangredi device:
Day after day the Tangredi device cranks on and on,
Trying to break the code…
But there is no solution…
Scene: Administrator BiT arrives with his moderators, ready to pull the plug on the Tangredi machine.
Bit: I’m afraid it’s over. You’ve had months figure out this puzzle and have accomplished nothing. You’re fired. Take it down.
T-Bone: No. We’re making progress. We just need a little more time.
Bit: We’ve given you plenty of time. Take it down.
MrKelley: If you fire him then you’ll have to fire all of us. All we need is six more months and we’ll have it solved.
[img]http://ca_assets.s3.amazonaws.com/ig2/assets/img/gallery/4.jpg[/img]
BiT: Very well. But you have one month or this comes down. One month!
Scene: Melly and T-Bone get engaged. It’s celebration time for the team!
But all is not what it seems.
Scene: T-Bone and the other finally get a breakthrough.
T-Bone: We didn’t take into account parenthetical answers.
Melly: It was right there in front of us the entire time.
MrKelley: I do believe we’ve cracked the code!
Jarnon: So we can post the answer now, right?
T-Bone: No!
Jarnon: Why not?
T-Bone: It’s too soon. If we solve it in its entirety, the mods will unpin it.
Jarnon: So what?
T-Bone: That means the top of the forum will be filled with those wretched #FAKENEWS posts. Who wants that?
Jarnon: Good point.
Scene: T-Bone finally reveals his secret to Melly
Melly: T-Bone, what's happened?
T-Bone: [pause] We can't be engaged anymore. Your parents need to take you back. Find you a husband elsewhere.
Melly: What's wrong with you?
T-Bone: I have something to tell you. I'm... I'm a Merryman.
Melly: So what?
T-Bone: So I’m not a real BB. We can’t…be together.
Melly: So what? I had my suspicions. I always did. But we're not like other BBs. We love each other in our own way,
and we can have the life together that we want. You won't be the perfect husband? I can promise you I harbored no
intention of being the perfect wife. Sounds like a better marriage than most. Because I care for you. And you care for me.
And we understand one another more than anyone else ever has.
T-Bone: I don't.
Melly: What?
T-Bone: Care for you. I never did. I just needed you to break Tangredi. I've done that now, so you can go.
Melly: You know what? They were right. MrKelley. LB. Jarnon. You really are a monster.
Scene: Months later, T-Bone is reprimanded for being a Merryman. Melly comes to visit him.
Melly: What have they done to you?
T-Bone: They gave me a choice. Either I permanently terminate my account or… or…
Melly: Or what?
T-Bone: Or make a list of the top songs of the year and post them on The Bored.
Melly: That doesn’t make any sense. Anyway, how hard can that be?
T-Bone: Have you listened to the radio lately?
Melly: Not really.
T-Bone: It makes me sick just thinking about it.
Melly: Assuming you go through with this list, what will you call it?
T-Bone: The Boney Awards.
Melly: That is just dreadful.
T-Bone: I know. But consider the alternative.
T-Bone Presents the 10th Annual Boney Awards
Starting Friday, March 10, 2017
Accept No Imitation
