Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

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Jack Webb
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Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

#1 Post by Jack Webb » Thu Dec 22, 2016 10:30 pm

Narrator: The story you are about to read is true. None of the names have been changed because no one
is innocent.

[voiceover] My name is Marley and I’m a cop. An internet cop. . .

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and this is my partner, Elwood

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Marley [voiceover]: It was the week before Christmas and my partner, Elwood, and I were spending most of
our time busting lowlife shoplifters and petty thieves at the local strip mall. We got a missing person call from
a woman who frequents that part of cyberspace known as The Home For the Weary. They call themselves BBs
and they are the worst of the worst. We knew it would be dangerous in an election year, but we decided to
check it out.

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Marley [voiceover]: Her name was Sprots and we found her, as usual, updating threads days after they were posted.
Yeah, one of those types of gals.

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Sprots: Officers, I’m glad you’re here.

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Marley: I’m Marley and this is Elwood. What seems to be the problem, ma’am?

Sprots: It’s Blue Boy. He’s missing and I fear something terrible has happened to him.

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Elwood: What makes you think that?

Sprots: Well, first of all, my eyes are up here, Marley. Second, he hasn’t switched avatars in over a year. That’s not
like him. Not like him at all.

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Elwood: What’s an avatar?

Marley: It doesn’t matter. We’ll look into it, ma’am.


Marley [voiceover]: Elwood and I knew we had our hands full. We had dealt with Blue Boy before.

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Marley [voiceover]: LB “Blue Boy’ Carver was one of the scummier BBs, if that was possible. Runs an annual challenge
called Lyrically Speaking. Sure, it jumped the shark years ago, but he keeps at it. Scummy or not, it was our job to
find him. Elwood and I checked the files and made a few calls.

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Then we were off.

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Marley [voiceover]: Our next stop was to see a BB named Melly. She took us to room where they kept the chat room
transcripts.

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Melly: Normally, this room would be filled with chat transcripts. But since our old friend Blue Boy disappeared, the
chat room has been vacant.

Elwood: Any idea where he may have gone. Sprots said he hasn’t changed avatars in over a year, whatever that means.

Melly: We keep old avatars in here, too. As you can see, lots of empty space.

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Melly: Oh, and Marley. My eyes are up here.

Marley: So you have no idea where he is?

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Melly: No, but I hope you find him. LS is just around the corner, you know!

Marley: So we’ve heard. Thanks, ma’am.

Marley [voiceover]: I got a tip that a BB of loose moral standards named Beebs may know the whereabouts of
Blue Boy. Elwood was at home, so took a little a trip by myself to get some answers and, hey, you never know.

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Marley: Okay, Beebs, start talking. Blue boy is missing and I’ll bet you know where he is.

Beebs: I don’t know what to say other than…hey, you’re kind of cute. Would you like a drink?

Marley: Ma’am, I’m officially on duty, but sure.

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Beebs: So what were you saying?

Marley: I…I don’t remember.

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Beebs: Marley, my eyes are up here.

Marley: Of course they are. And what a wonderful shade of brown they are.

Beebs: They’re blue.

Marley: Whatever. Speaking of blue, what’s ol’ Blue Boy up to these days?

Beebs: I’m afraid I can’t help you there. Meanwhile, have some playing cards laced with acid and a box of cigars.
They are all yours.

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Marley: Thank you. Ma’am.

Beebs: You’re quite welcome.


Marley [voiceover]: I was striking out in more ways than one. I decided that since I was already in the vicinity of
that sleazebucket known as The Bored, I’d shake down a few more BBs. Sure, it was fun, but just maybe I’d catch
a lucky break. I called Elwood and had him meet me. This was no place to be without a wingman.

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Marley [voiceover]: Next stop was a quiet BB name with the unfortunate name of Sliver. You know what they say
about the quiet ones.

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Elwood took notes.

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Elwood: Word around the Bored is that you know the whereabouts of Blue Boy. Care to enlighten us?

Sliver: All I know is he’s supposed to host Lyrically Speaking in January. You don’t suppose anything’s happened to him,
do you?

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Elwood: My eyes are up here, Sliver.

Sliver: Oops! Sorry [whispers: not sorry]


Marley [voiceover]: There was never a shortage of undesirables on The Bored, but we were quickly running out of
useful ones. I had one more trick up my sleeves. I discussed it with Elwood.

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Marley: I say we set a trap for Blue Boy. Give him a reason to come back. Then we can leave this part of cyberspace
forever and take a shower. Not together. That would be weird.

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Elwood: I’d rather give myself the Heimlich maneuver than shower with you, Marley.

Marley: I get your point. Now here’s my plan. That old hippie named TBone still hangs around those parts. I say we
pay him a visit. But first, I need a smoke.

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Marley [voiceover]: We held our noses and ventured once more into the land of the BBs. I really never saw what
they liked about the place. Fortunately, it didn’t take long to track down our old friend TBone.

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TBone: What do you guys want?

Marley: We thought you might want to play ball with us. We’re looking for Blue Boy.

TBone: Haven’t seen him. Too bad, so sad.

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Marley: You have a checkered past, TBone. Elwood, here, needed a suitcase to hold all your files. You help us out
and the suitcase finds its way into the dumpster tonight.

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TBone: Okay, I’ll play. What do I have to do?

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Elwood: We’re pretty sure Blue Boy will show up on The Bored if you list a bunch of rock songs and albums you like.
He has a thing for lists.

Marley: Call it something clever and a little dirty, like Boneys.

TBone: Hey, that’s a great idea. I’ll throw some random songs and albums on the Bored. How hard can it be?

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Elwood: That’s the ticket, TBone. Blue Boy can’t resist a good list.

Marley [voiceover]: The plan worked to perfection. TBone posted a whole slew of devil-music songs and our friend
Blue Boy couldn’t stay away any longer. We caught up with him groovin’ out to some horrible song by The Beatles.

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Marley: Glad to see you’re alive and well, Blue Boy. Some of your dirtbag BB friends were worried about you.

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Blue Boy: I’m cool. Just counting down the top songs…

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… Number four, three, two…

Marley: Your friends want to know if you’ll be hosting Lyrically Speaking again.

Blue Boy: That’s not until 2017, man.

Marley: That would be next week, man.

Blue Boy: Well the, I guess I better get to it. Or something.

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LB "Blue Boy" Hosts Lyrically Speaking
Returning on January 9th (or 16th)
We hope.
Just the facts, ma'am.

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littlebeast13
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Re: Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

#2 Post by littlebeast13 » Fri Dec 23, 2016 3:20 am

Dammit, I knew the Boneys had to be a trap. At least I kept my eyes on the music.....

Is it still considered a crappy promo if you laughed most of the way through it.....?

lb13
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Re: Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

#3 Post by Beebs52 » Fri Dec 23, 2016 5:38 am

What a rack!
Well, then

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littlebeast13
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Re: Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

#4 Post by littlebeast13 » Fri Dec 23, 2016 8:02 am

Beebs52 wrote:What a rack!

They shoulda let you keep it after filming...

lb13
Thursday comics! Squirrel pictures! The link to my CafePress store! All kinds of fun stuff!!!!

Visit my Evil Squirrel blog here: http://evilsquirrelsnest.com

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Re: Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

#5 Post by Beebs52 » Fri Dec 23, 2016 8:46 am

littlebeast13 wrote:
Beebs52 wrote:What a rack!

They shoulda let you keep it after filming...

lb13
Truer words...
Well, then

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T_Bone0806
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Re: Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

#6 Post by T_Bone0806 » Fri Dec 23, 2016 9:48 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

"My eyes are up here..."


BWAH-HA-HAAAAH!!!!!


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Just one question, though....how in the HELL did you get ahold of my college yearbook photo???
"#$%&@*&"-Donald F. Duck

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franktangredi
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Re: Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

#7 Post by franktangredi » Fri Dec 23, 2016 10:57 am

HUZZAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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SportsFan68
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Re: Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

#8 Post by SportsFan68 » Fri Dec 23, 2016 7:17 pm

LOL!

Thanks for the great part!

My talents are severely underutilized updating threads days later. I can't wait to finish 14th in LS again.
-- In Iroquois society, leaders are encouraged to remember seven generations in the past and consider seven generations in the future when making decisions that affect the people.
-- America would be a better place if leaders would do more long-term thinking. -- Wilma Mankiller

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Re: Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

#9 Post by littlebeast13 » Fri Dec 23, 2016 8:51 pm

SportsFan68 wrote:LOL!

Thanks for the great part!

My talents are severely underutilized updating threads days later. I can't wait to finish 14th in LS again.

Gotta find 14 people to play first....

lb13
Thursday comics! Squirrel pictures! The link to my CafePress store! All kinds of fun stuff!!!!

Visit my Evil Squirrel blog here: http://evilsquirrelsnest.com

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Re: Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

#10 Post by SportsFan68 » Fri Dec 23, 2016 10:49 pm

littlebeast13 wrote:
SportsFan68 wrote:LOL!

Thanks for the great part!

My talents are severely underutilized updating threads days later. I can't wait to finish 14th in LS again.

Gotta find 14 people to play first....

lb13
I predict 25. Of course, my predictions have been somewhat on the lame side lately.
-- In Iroquois society, leaders are encouraged to remember seven generations in the past and consider seven generations in the future when making decisions that affect the people.
-- America would be a better place if leaders would do more long-term thinking. -- Wilma Mankiller

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Re: Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

#11 Post by MarleysGh0st » Sat Dec 24, 2016 1:59 pm

SportsFan68 wrote:
littlebeast13 wrote:Gotta find 14 people to play first....

lb13
I predict 25. Of course, my predictions have been somewhat on the lame side lately.
I'll try to defend my cellar, again. But even with this Bored becoming a gh0sttown, there'll be a cellar squatter or two showing up to frustrate me.

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Vandal
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Re: Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Return of Blue Boy

#12 Post by Vandal » Fri May 13, 2022 9:33 pm

Just bringing this forward to say I miss having LB and TBone and SC hanging around (or perhaps they are) and I really miss Lyrically Speaking.

If only someone would pick up the LS reins.

If only...

Hmmm...
_________________________________________________________________________________
Available now:
The Secret At Haney Field: A Baseball Mystery
The Right Hand Rule
Center Point
Dizzy Miss Lizzie
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The Tick Tock Man
The Dragon's Song by Binh Pham and R. M. Clark

Visit my website: http://www.rmclarkauthor.com

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