WWTBAM Bored

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Don't get me started on the lawyer-at-the-pearly-gates jokes. I have a couple already racked up.

Don't get me started on the lawyer-at-the-pearly-gates jokes. I have a couple already racked up.

I would enjoy reading them. Please post.

geoffil wrote:

Don't get me started on the lawyer-at-the-pearly-gates jokes. I have a couple already racked up.

I would enjoy reading them. Please post.

The Pope and a lawyer died and went to heaven.

God came to them and said, "Follow me and I will give you your rooms." So they both followed.

First God gave the Pope his room; it was very small with a small bed and a small desk. "Thank you, thank you my lord," said The Pope.

Then God gave the lawyer his room; it was big room with a big bed and a big deck with a pool and a pretty woman.

"God, why are you giving this magnificent room to me and the small one to The Pope?" the lawyer asked.

"Well, we get popes by the dozens, but you're our first lawyer."

A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed.
The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is, "All lawyers are idiots."

A man sitting in the corner shouts, "I take offense to that!"

The pissed-off guy asks him, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

He replies, "No, I'm an idiot."

It should be noted that we are printing off copies of this thread to use as evidence in a potential lawsuit against The Bored et. al. for the despicable crime of libel! Or is it slander? We need a short recess while our paralegal looks that up for us...

TheMichiganBarAssociation wrote:It should be noted that we are printing off copies of this thread to use as evidence in a potential lawsuit against The Bored et. al. for the despicable crime of libel! Or is it slander? We need a short recess while our paralegal looks that up for us...

Truth is a complete defense. --Bob

According most Doctors, what happens if you give Viagra to a lawyer?

they get taller

BiT got one of the two I had cued up. So I'll give the other.

One day at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter was announcing the new arrivals. Then he came across Mr. Allen, a lawyer.

St. Pete says, "Wow, you lived a long life! I see that you were over 230 years old when you died!!"

Mr. Allen, Esq. says, "Strange, I was 74 when I died."

St. Pete looks at the document again. "Oh, I see the problem. We were basing your age upon your billable hours!"



And since we've gone into general lawyer jokes, I'll tell one that kills two birds with one stone.

New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps per capital in the US. Washington DC has the most lawyers per capita. Why is that?

Spoiler

New Jersey had first pick.

SpacemanSpiff wrote: New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps per capital in the US. Washington DC has the most lawyers per capita. Why is that?

Spoiler

New Jersey had first pick.

I was gonna guess...

Spoiler

DC is downstream from New Jersey.

All right, all right. It's time to put this thread on hiatus. Today is National Love Your Lawyer Day. --Bob

Bob78164 wrote:All right, all right. It's time to put this thread on hiatus. Today is National Love Your Lawyer Day. --Bob

I was going to call BS on that, but I checked, and Houston is actually having a parade downtown to celebrate.

Here is a news photo:

Spoiler

Downtown Houston Celebrates National Love Your Lawyer Day - 2015