Gary Ross Presents...The Hunger Bored Games
Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2015 11:48 am
Scene: The Home For The Weary...many years from now.
Christie Trinket: Welcome! Welcome, welcome. Happy Hunger Bored Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor.
Now, before we begin, we have a very special announcement from our fearless leader.
President Dave: War, terrible war. Widows, orphans, a motherless child. This was the uprising that rocked our Bored.
Thirteen forums rebelled against the host site that fed them, loved them, protected them. BB turned on BB until nothing remained.
And then came the peace, hard fought, sorely won.
BBs rose up from the ashes and a new era was born. But freedom has a cost. When the traitors were defeated, we swore as a nation
we would never know this treason again. And so it was decreed, that each year, the various forums of The Home For The Weary would
offer up in tribute, one man and woman, to fight to the death in a pageant of honor, courage and sacrifice. The lone BB, bathed in riches,
would serve as a reminder of our generosity and our forgiveness. This is how we remember our past. This is how we safeguard our future.
Christie Trinket: That makes absolutely no sense. Sir!
President Dave: What do you expect? We're running low on material, apparently.
Scene: Christie announces the BBs chosen to be in The Hunger Bored Games
Christie: From Forum One, the tributes are T-Bone and Saucy
Christie: From Forum Two, the tributes are Esto and Beebs
Scene: Christie calls out all the tributes for Forums 3 through 11, then prepares for Forum 12
Christie: From Forum Twelve, the tributes are Marley Mellark and Melly Everdeen.
Scene: Melly is shocked to hear her name called...
...and her older sister, Catfish Everdeen, calls out from the crowd
Catfish: I volunteer! No! I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!
Scene: Catfish is officially recognized as the tribute from Forum 12 and Melly is taken away.
Christie: All tributes have been selected. Remember, The Bored Will Be Watching.
Scene: Catfish and Marley are taken away on a train to prepare for the games. Here they meet their mentor, LB Abernathy.
Marley: So what advice do you have for us?
LB: None.
Catfish: So, why are you here, then?
LB: Oh. The refreshments.
Catfish: Hey, wait a minute. You're that Woody character. Yeah, it's really you.
After all these years we get stuck with Woody from Cheers!
LB: I'm not Woody anymore, okay? I've had dozens of roles since then. I've been in Zombieland...
...and natural Born Killers...
...I'm a versatile actor, dammit! I was nominated for best actor.
Catfish: Okay, okay. Calm down. Just tell us what we have to do, Woody, I mean LB.
LB: I don't know how else to put this: Make sure they remember you. You need sponsors.
Marley: How do we do that?
LB: Now, you'll need an angle I can work with. I can sell the star-crossed lovers from Forum 12.
Catfish: We are NOT star-crossed lovers.
LB: It's a television show, and being in love might just get you sponsors which could save your damn life.
Scene: All the tributes arrive at the Bored and prepare for their entrance into the Gala Entry Parade.
President Dave addresses the crowd
President Dave: Welcome! Tributes, we welcome you. We salute your courage and your sacrifice,
and we wish you Happy Hunger Bored Games! And may the odds be ever in your favor.
Scene: Catfish and Marley enter the parade with fire emanating from them
Scene: The tributes undergo rigorous weapons training...
...and Catfish learns to be handy with a bow and arrow
Scene: Much to their surprise, the tributes are visited by a special training instructor
Instructor: If you BBs leave my island, if you survive tribute training, you will be a weapon.
You will be a minister of death praying for the games to begin. But until that day you are pukes.
You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fucking beings.
You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit!
Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn.
I am hard but I am fair. Here you are all equally worthless.
And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve as tributes.
Do you maggots understand that?
Tributes: Sir, yes sir!
Scene: Fully trained (and fully frazzled), the tributes arrive at the arena as the entire Bored watches
Scene: LB has given Catfish advice to avoid the bloodbath and seek high ground.
She grabs a backpack and runs into the forest
while the others fight
Scene: An injured Catfish and Marley take refuge in a cave.
while the other tribute continue to battle
Scene: Catfish and Marley find their way back to the cornucopia
Where they battle the last remaining tribute, Esto
They battle it out on the roof
and Esto gets Marley in a death hold
But a well-placed arrow takes out Esto
and the couple from Forum 12 are declared the winners.
Long live Catfish!
T-Bone Presents
The 2014 Boney Awards
Arriving March 1
The Bored Will Be Watching
