WWTBAM Bored

In 1876, the British banker Thomas Brocklehurst brought back a pair of grey squirrels from America and released them on to his land. Brocklehurst was obviously quite the hip cat, because in no time grey squirrels became the must-have garden accessory of late-Victorian England and now there are close to 5 million of them in the UK. The most important point of this story is that it has happened and it cannot be undone. Just like Pandora, Brocklehurst opened his box; it's just that instead of it containing all the evils of the world, it contained two grey squirrels.

Charles may not be king, but he is the reigning monarch of nostalgia. The Prince of Wales is the champion of a time that never was, and which passed before he was born. Signing a "squirrel accord" after meetings at one of his stately homes, the prince reaffirmed his desire to drive grey squirrels out of the UK in order to save our "much loved" native red squirrels. If the term "squirrel accord" has you thinking of a bunch of woodland creatures walking around wearing stovepipe hats and discussing what to do about this autumn's chestnut shortage, then banish the thought and replace it with a vision of members of the royal family and government officials talking about how many cages they would need in order to undertake "targeted and sustained action" against grey squirrels.