Jack Webb Presents...Borednet: Boning Up
Posted: Fri May 09, 2014 1:28 pm
Narrator: The story you are about to read is true. None of the names have been changed because no one is innocent
[voiceover] My name is Marley and I’m a cop. An internet cop. . .
and this is my partner, Elwood
Marley [voiceover]: It was Friday (hey, just like me), a beautiful spring day. Not much was happening on The Bored. We'd heard rumbling of a returning Bored challenge, but that turned out to be so much hot air. Sure, there were some QoD games to keep the local riff raff occupied, but it wasn't enough. Elwood noticed it before me.
Elwood: I don’t like it Marley. The last time The Bored went this quiet it just about fizzled out due to all those connection errors. The connection is fine now, but no one’s around. What gives?
Marley: If I knew the answer to that I’d smart enough to put an end to the global warming thread. But I’m just a cop on the beat. Want to see my piece? Of course you do.
Elwood: Put that away, Marley. I’ve seen your piece a thousand times. No big deal. Anyway, we need to find out what word on the street is. Ready to roll, partner. Let’s give our best “serious cop” look.
Marley: Like this?
Elwood: That’s the one.
Marley [voiceover]: As much as we loathed mingling with the guttermouth punks who hung out in The Home for the Weary, Elwood and I decided it was the best plan of attack. I drove.
Elwood: I think it would be best if we just hung out. You know, just try to fit in with the locals. Why don’t we stop and have a cold one?
Marley: Great idea. We’ll pop a few and head to the Chat Room.
Elwood: The Chat Room? Are you nuts? We’d stick out like an Observations post.
Marley: Good point. I’ll just pound this milkshake, then we can go bust a few heads
Marley [voiceover]: Lubed up and ready to go, Elwood and I proceeded to the hangout of one of Bored’s notorious oddballs, a BB who went by the name of SilverScreenSuperStar, or SSSS
Marley: What’s with the costume, SSSS? It’s not Halloween
SSSS: The country need a hero. As long as Obama is president, there will be minds to change, positions to secure and wrongs to right. Besides, it makes me look hot.
Elwood: Well isn’t that sweet. You should make it your avatar.
SSSS: What’s an avatar?
Elwood: Never mind. What we really want to know is what’s going down on The Bored. We know you have your finger on the pulse of the BBS, so why has it been so quiet?
SSSS: I have no idea. It has been pretty quiet. Sorry I can’t help you. I’m only there to save the lost ones.
Marley: Maybe this will jog your memory.
SSSS: Okay, okay. There’s some awards show that BBs really like. It usually happens in February but it’s going to be late this year. A lot of folks are really pissed about it.
Marley: Awards show, huh? Can you be more specific?
SSSS: That’s all I know, man. Now could you please leave. I want to watch Fox News.
Elwood: Thanks for the info, SSSS.
Marley: Have a nice day, buttercup.
Marley [voiceover]: We turned over a few more rocks and put the screws to a few more BBs, but nothing came of it. Sure, it’s fun to smack ‘em around, but we had better things to do. Back at the office, Elwood and I discussed what we knew.
Marley: These BBs are a tight bunch. All that work and nothing but a hunch to show for it.
Elwood: If only we could access the Bored archives.
Marley: Wait a minute, remember that crazy BB who kept records of any and everything? What was his name?
Elwood: You mean The Notebook Boy?
Marley: That’s the one. Last time we saw him I managed to get some Bored history before we roughed him up.
Elwood: Remember where they are?
Marley: Time to check the files. But first, I need to make a little cash on the side.
Marley [voiceover]: Working night and day, Elwood and I searched the Notebook Boys’s archives. Then I found it.
Marley: Bingo!
Elwood: What is it Marley?
Marley: That Notebook boy sure is thorough. The award show they’re all waiting for is called The Boneys?
Elwood: Boneys? What a crazy name.
Marley: Apparently some gray hair named TBone posts a list of his favorite songs every February
Elwood: And why is that remotely interesting?
Marley: Says here in one of the notebooks that he links Youtube videos for most of them, along with the top albums of the year.
Elwood: Just thinking about new songs is turning me into an old man. So what do we do?
Marley: Nothing. I could charge in there and flash my badge…
…but it won’t do any good. I don’t think a bunch of songs no one has heard of posted by a burned-out wannabe rock star.
Elwood: TBone was a rock star?
Marley: Yup take a look at this pathetic crew:
Elwood: Yikes.
Marley: So how about we let those BBs have their Boney Awards. What a crock!
Elwood: Let’s pose one more time and call it a day.
Marley: Deal!
The 2013 Boneys
Arrive Monday!!
Hosted by TBone!
