Clint Eastwood Presents...Escape from AlcaBored

[Clint Eastwood]

This is AlcaBored, the world’s most notorious cyberprison.



Some call A Home For The Weary. Many know it as The Bored.



Scene: Warden Backintex arrives at AlcaBored



Warden Backintex: If you disobey the rules of society, they send you to prison; if you disobey the rules of cyberspace, they send you to The Bored. AlcaBored is not like any other prison on the internet. Starting now, every BB is confined ALONE... to an individual forum.




Warden Backintex: Unlike my predecessors, Wardens Tubadave and Kelley, I don't have good conduct programs, I do not have parades. BBs here have no say in what they do; they do as they're told. You're not permitted to play those silly Bored games like LS and TEN!. Knowledge of the outside world is, ah, what we tell you. From this day on, your world will be everything that happens on The Bored.






Warden Backintex: The Bored was built to keep all the rotten BBs in one basket, and I was specially chosen to make sure that the stink from the basket does not escape. Since I've been warden, a few BBs have tried to escape. Most of them have been recaptured; those that haven't have been logged off--permanently.

No one has ever escaped from AlcaBored. And no one ever will!



Scene: Meet Marley Morris…



Marley is a habitual criminal who has been sent to The Bored after several escape attempts from other cyberprisons.




Scene: Marley makes a new friend named Krox (WARNING: Shower scene ahead!)




Krox: I'm lookin' for a new bitch!

Marley: Good luck.



Krox: You don't understand. I’m spaking to her!




Scene: After a tussle over some soap on a rope…




Krox angrily leaves Marley to finish his shower.



Scene: Marley meets up with the notorious brothers in crime, Frank and Bart Tangredi




Frank: Hey, how's it going, Marley?

Marley: Well, the Tangredis. What are you guys doing, just dropping by?



Bart: Yeah, thought we'd pay you a visit.



Marley: Gonna stay long?

Frank: Nah, not long. Only about fifteen or twenty years.



Marley: Why The Bored?



Bart: We were going over the wall on Yahoo we encountered a minor problem.

Marley: Such as?

Bart: They saw us.



Marley: Yeah, that does present problems.

Bart: So they shipped us to a Google group.

Frank: Yeah, but we didn't like the accommodations there, either. Warden said he knew just the place for us. AlcaBored.



Bart: Is it true no one's ever busted out of here?

Marley: So they tell me. I don’t believe it, tough.




Frank: Jesus. I wonder what I'd be like after fifteen years on The Bored.






Marley: I’ve heard the effects are irreversible.



Scene: Marley bides his time reading in his forum…




… then discovers an opening into an unused forum…




…and begins to chip away at it.





Scene: Marley tells the others




Marley: I may have found a way out of here.



Frank: How?

Marley: These old forums are starting to crumble. If you work it, the area around your User Control Panel will loosen up enough to slip through. There’s an unused access forum behind that. Once we get past the Suggestion Box, we’re in the clear.



Bart: That’s awesome, Marley. Count us in.

Frank: How do we get past bed check?




Marley: We’ll each need to create a Merryman.

Bart: What’s a Merryman?



Marley: It’s a fake version of yourself made to throw off unsuspecting BBs and guards. If done right, they’ll never know the difference.

Frank: Sounds like good, cowardly fun. Let’s get started.

Bart: How do we get off the Bored once we get past The Suggestion Box?



Marley: We can access the old parade threads from back there. We grab an old float, fill it with hot air from a political thread and float away

Frank: Brilliant!



Scene: Over the next few weeks, Marley and the Tangredis create their Merrymen…



.. and begin the task of slowly getting past the User Control Panels.



Scene: Marley is attacked by an angry Krox and nearly gets shanked.



Krox: You call that a shower scene? I was embarrassed to be associated with it.

Marley: Hey, Krox, settle down. I don’t write ‘em, okay?



Scene: After a final cell check…



Marley places his Merryman in place…



and successfully gets past the User Control Panel




Scene: Marley and the Tangredis run for it!







And make their escape!


Scene: Warden Backintex checks out the escaped forum.



Warden Backintex: Any sign of the escapees.

Officer Smiler: No sir. We found their escape balloon, though. I doubt anyone survived



Warden Backintex: No one can escape from AlcaBored.



Warden Backintex: Nobody.




TEN! Returns in May
TEN! Days
TEN! Questions per day
Plan your escape!

[ulysses5019]

I'm glad I escaped when I had the chance...

[BackInTex]

This is not over. I will hunt you all down, to the ends of the earth. You will never rest. You think Tommy Lee Jone was relentless in The Fugitive? He's a pansy.

[franktangredi]

This is not over. I will hunt you all down, to the ends of the earth. You will never rest. You think Tommy Lee Jone was relentless in The Fugitive? He's a pansy.

Nyah nyah nyah. And that goes for my brother, too.

[christie1111]

Not much room for female roles in this promo.

[Vandal]

Not much room for female roles in this promo.

I think The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants should be done.

No boyz allowed!

[Jessie]

Not much room for female roles in this promo.

I think The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants should be done.

No boyz allowed!

Yes!!!

[silvercamaro]

Not much room for female roles in this promo.

I think The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants should be done.

No boyz allowed!

I wasn't bothered by the absence of female roles, given that it was a prison movie and all. My concern, now that Bart has gained the plum role of "Tangredi brother," is that it will take a SAG card to be considered for casting in future promos.

Life ain't easy for those of us on the distant fringes of show bidness.

[littlebeast13]

Not much room for female roles in this promo.

I think The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants should be done.

No boyz allowed!

I wasn't bothered by the absence of female roles, given that it was a prison movie and all. My concern, now that Bart has gained the plum role of "Tangredi brother," is that it will take a SAG card to be considered for casting in future promos.

Life ain't easy for those of us on the distant fringes of show bidness.

At least you aren't a washed up actor like that.... um.... whathisname that used to star in these promos. I think he's working the day shift at my Mecca now...

lb13

[Vandal]

I'm glad I escaped when I had the chance...

Do we know you?

[SportsFan68]

I'm glad I escaped when I had the chance...

Found it!

[ulysses5019]

I think The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants should be done.

No boyz allowed!

I wasn't bothered by the absence of female roles, given that it was a prison movie and all. My concern, now that Bart has gained the plum role of "Tangredi brother," is that it will take a SAG card to be considered for casting in future promos.

Life ain't easy for those of us on the distant fringes of show bidness.

At least you aren't a washed up actor like that.... um.... whathisname that used to star in these promos. I think he's working the day shift at my Mecca now...

lb13

But I'm selling the new Avatar Chopper...

[jarnon]

But I'm selling the new Avatar Chopper...

Found it!

[tlynn78]

I think The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants should be done.

No boyz allowed!

I wasn't bothered by the absence of female roles, given that it was a prison movie and all. My concern, now that Bart has gained the plum role of "Tangredi brother," is that it will take a SAG card to be considered for casting in future promos.

Life ain't easy for those of us on the distant fringes of show bidness.

At least you aren't a washed up actor like that.... um.... whathisname that used to star in these promos. I think he's working the day shift at my Mecca now...

lb13

Sliver, at least you can say you were a stage (opera) mom.

[MarleysGh0st]

This is not over. I will hunt you all down, to the ends of the earth. You will never rest. You think Tommy Lee Jone was relentless in The Fugitive? He's a pansy.

Do you feel lucky, punk?

[BackInTex]

This is not over. I will hunt you all down, to the ends of the earth. You will never rest. You think Tommy Lee Jone was relentless in The Fugitive? He's a pansy.

Do you feel lucky, punk?

Relax, Zipperhead!

[kroxquo]

I'm not sure if I should be excited or embarrassed by my role in this. Of course if I have to have a bitch, Marley would be at the top of my list.