WWTBAM Bored

A colonoscopy can leave you feeling somewhat speechless. In case you happen to be undergoing a colonoscopy, but nonetheless want to break the ice, here are a few lines you can use (some are more applicable to males than to females):


1. Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?
3. Can you hear me NOW?
4. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
5. You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.
6. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?
7. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...
8. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!
9. If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.
11. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?
12. God, now I know why I am not gay.

AND THE BEST ONE OF ALL

13. Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?

wintergreen48 wrote:A colonoscopy can leave you feeling somewhat speechless. In case you happen to be undergoing a colonoscopy, but nonetheless want to break the ice, here are a few lines you can use (some are more applicable to males than to females):


1. Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?
3. Can you hear me NOW?
4. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
5. You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.
6. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?
7. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...
8. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!
9. If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.
11. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?
12. God, now I know why I am not gay.

AND THE BEST ONE OF ALL

13. Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?

For the one I had, I'm not sure I could have said much of anything. They gave me some happy juice, and the next thing I remember is getting dressed.

wintergreen48 wrote:A colonoscopy can leave you feeling somewhat speechless.

Only if you are used to regularly talking out of your a$$.

Bixby17 wrote:

wintergreen48 wrote:A colonoscopy can leave you feeling somewhat speechless. In case you happen to be undergoing a colonoscopy, but nonetheless want to break the ice, here are a few lines you can use (some are more applicable to males than to females):


1. Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?
3. Can you hear me NOW?
4. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
5. You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.
6. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?
7. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...
8. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!
9. If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.
11. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?
12. God, now I know why I am not gay.

AND THE BEST ONE OF ALL

13. Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?

For the one I had, I'm not sure I could have said much of anything. They gave me some happy juice, and the next thing I remember is getting dressed.

Same here - it was 1, 2, 3, and then it was time to go home.

I watched the entire procedure on a monitor. It was slightly fascinating. The conversation was rather like that between two men at urinals.

ne1410s wrote:I watched the entire procedure on a monitor. It was slightly fascinating. The conversation was rather like that between two men at urinals.

You watched your own colonoscopy? I keep trying to get my doc to let me do that but so far she has not been willing. I try to fight the happy juice but to no avail. I suppose even if I were to stay awake at the start I wouldn't remember it.

Now I do wish they HAD used "happy juice" when I got spayed and/or neutered. That was a local and I was feeling WAAAAAY too much during that. And because the boys were so powerfully fertile I had the pleasure of that experience twice...

You watched your own colonoscopy? I keep trying to get my doc to let me do that but so far she has not been willing. I try to fight the happy juice but to no avail. I suppose even if I were to stay awake at the start I wouldn't remember it.

Now I do wish they HAD used "happy juice" when I got spayed and/or neutered. That was a local and I was feeling WAAAAAY too much during that. And because the boys were so powerfully fertile I had the pleasure of that experience twice...

Yep. Awake during the hole thing. But I was out like a pissed on fire for my vasectomy.

tanstaafl2 wrote:

ne1410s wrote:I watched the entire procedure on a monitor. It was slightly fascinating. The conversation was rather like that between two men at urinals.

You watched your own colonoscopy? I keep trying to get my doc to let me do that but so far she has not been willing. I try to fight the happy juice but to no avail. I suppose even if I were to stay awake at the start I wouldn't remember it.

Now I do wish they HAD used "happy juice" when I got spayed and/or neutered. That was a local and I was feeling WAAAAAY too much during that. And because the boys were so powerfully fertile I had the pleasure of that experience twice...

You had the cubes lopped off and they grew back just to spite you? Those are some bad motor scooters! And is it very horrible of me to crack up at the use of the term "happy juice" in that general vicinity?

tanstaafl2 wrote:

ne1410s wrote:I watched the entire procedure on a monitor. It was slightly fascinating. The conversation was rather like that between two men at urinals.

You watched your own colonoscopy? I keep trying to get my doc to let me do that but so far she has not been willing. I try to fight the happy juice but to no avail. I suppose even if I were to stay awake at the start I wouldn't remember it.

I found it entirely fascinating. I asked the assistant if I could stay awake, and she said to ask the doc. I did, and he used some kind of great stuff that put me completely out at the beginning and end but let me watch in the middle. Then I was outta there in 20 minutes. I could have driven, but they wouldn't let me. They let my designated driver come in to the recovery area and we had animated conversation from the minute she showed up, plus we kept trying to draw the assistants in too. Pretty sure they were delighted to get rid of me.

Mary was a wonderful friend. All the while she was talking with me, demonstrating how alert and cheerful I was so I could get the heck outta there, she was hiding the bad news -- Nanuk (beautiful 1/2 chihuahua, 1/4 husky, 1/4 German shepherd) had been hit by a car. We got a pizza and beer on the way to her house and had a proper wake with a little Pacifico and a little Heineken. We couldn't come up with anything suitable from Alaska for the husky part.

SportsFan68 wrote:
Mary was a wonderful friend. All the while she was talking with me, demonstrating how alert and cheerful I was so I could get the heck outta there, she was hiding the bad news -- Nanuk (beautiful 1/2 chihuahua, 1/4 husky, 1/4 German shepherd) had been hit by a car. We got a pizza and beer on the way to her house and had a proper wake with a little Pacifico and a little Heineken. We couldn't come up with anything suitable from Alaska for the husky part.

Finding an Alaskan microbrew down here in the lower 48 would probably be tough. But perhaps a Molson or Moosehead would have done the trick. I suppose Huskies can be as much Canadian as Alaskan.

tanstaafl2 wrote:

SportsFan68 wrote:
Mary was a wonderful friend. All the while she was talking with me, demonstrating how alert and cheerful I was so I could get the heck outta there, she was hiding the bad news -- Nanuk (beautiful 1/2 chihuahua, 1/4 husky, 1/4 German shepherd) had been hit by a car. We got a pizza and beer on the way to her house and had a proper wake with a little Pacifico and a little Heineken. We couldn't come up with anything suitable from Alaska for the husky part.

Finding an Alaskan microbrew down here in the lower 48 would probably be tough. But perhaps a Molson or Moosehead would have done the trick. I suppose Huskies can be as much Canadian as Alaskan.

BTW, with that pedigree how that one got made in the first place must have been a true marvel of canine ingenuity...

tans:

BTW, with that pedigree how that one got made in the first place must have been a true marvel of canine ingenuity...

Someone must have put him up to it...

I am just glad that y'all are getting the procedure done.