WWTBAM Bored

It's on national news right now. Her body was found less than 2 miles from
my house. She was apparently wrapped in a blanket and just thrown in the middle of the street. They're calling it a rural area, but it's really not. It's actually North College Street, which is the main street that goes through campus. My house is about 3 miles from the part of North College that is actually on campus. She was found about 2 miles from here. There is a lot of new housing construction on the road and it's really a pretty heavily traveled street.

Her car was found on campus about 30 minutes after she was found. The car was totally engulfed in flames.

The authorities are saying there is no reason for alarm, but I can tell you that the girls here are pretty scared right now. My daughter's store is right on North College Street. I'm hoping whoever did it gets caught and soon.

Someone had too much to drink. Don't know if it was her, or her friends, or young men, but that will turn out to be part of it.

I'm sorry y'all are having to look over your shoulders, but it was people she knew, and you shouldn't worry, because the people you know wouldn't do that.

It must be tough to have such tragedy strike so close to home.

I am sorry your community is faced with this.

I read about this online. It's so sad, she was so young.

Ritterskoop says:

I'm sorry y'all are having to look over your shoulders, but it was people she knew, and you shouldn't worry, because the people you know wouldn't do that.

Yeah, right. Go through life believing that. If you happen to be lucky; not magically privileged with "only knowing the best people", just plain lucky, it might even prove true.

ghostjmf wrote:Ritterskoop says:

I'm sorry y'all are having to look over your shoulders, but it was people she knew, and you shouldn't worry, because the people you know wouldn't do that.

Yeah, right. Go through life believing that. If you happen to be lucky; not magically privileged with "only knowing the best people", just plain lucky, it might even prove true.

wow

That was harsh.

I will go through life believing that. It is a far better alternative than going through life afraid. Something bad may or may not happen, but I won't be worrying about it. I will be living.

Ritterskoop wrote:I will go through life believing that. It is a far better alternative than going through life afraid. Something bad may or may not happen, but I won't be worrying about it. I will be living.

And, I'll hang out with you and people with similar ways of living.

We may die sooner.

We might also have a heck of a lot more life in our life.

I have noticed that in any group of people, a small percentage seem to find greater happiness -- or comfort -- in being miserable. I don't understand it, but I see it. IMO, several people on this bored fall into this category. My own extended family includes a few.

silvercam says:

I have noticed that in any group of people, a small percentage seem to find greater happiness -- or comfort -- in being miserable.

Excuse me, but how does "watching out for yourself" make you "miserable"? Do all of you women on the board who are "perpetually happy" also take long walks at 3:00am through bad neighborhoods because "people you know wouldn't do that", etc etc? Long walks without large dogs.

I'd bet a lot that young woman who disappeared in Aruba thought she was hanging out with some nice, clean-cut, very well-off young men she met at a club. Which she was, except for the "nice" part.

ghostjmf wrote:silvercam says:

I have noticed that in any group of people, a small percentage seem to find greater happiness -- or comfort -- in being miserable.

Excuse me, but how does "watching out for yourself" make you "miserable"? Do all of you women on the board who are "perpetually happy" also take long walks at 3:00am through bad neighborhoods because "people you know wouldn't do that", etc etc? Long walks without large dogs.

I'd bet a lot that young woman who disappeared in Aruba thought she was hanging out with some nice, clean-cut, very well-off young men she met at a club. Which she was, except for the "nice" part.

I believe fully in avoiding stupid risks that might carry a reasonable risk of personal danger. That is not the same thing as believing that I should live a smaller life to avoid all possible risks, just in case a crazy person might suddenly parachute down from the sky or, for that matter, in case a nice person with an untreatable disease might cough on me while I'm standing in line at the grocery store. Some people draw their "too risky" lines very close to their own front doors. From what you've said about yourself, I wouldn't expect to find you in that category, although you may worry about some things that don't bother me (and vice versa.)

silvercam:

Some people draw their "too risky" lines very close to their own front doors. From what you've said about yourself, I wouldn't expect to find you in that category, although you may worry about some things that don't bother me (and vice versa.)

Well, thanks. Truly. Other people are taking the opportunity to put me in that category because it pleases them to do so, which is what I got ticked off about. I will leave you out of the ticked-at pile for sure. And sorry I reacted so quickly. (I could use a few dogs, of any size, myself, but it just wouldn't work out with my schedule & apartment.)

I've taken dumb risks in my youth I wouldn't take now, largely because I now know how dumb they were; mostly they involved driving in bad weather, etc. I am really chicken about driving in general these days (after nearly being sideswiped out of my car in great weather), & slippery roads do keep me at home, but not much else does. I've also taken dumb risks involving people, but the people didn't advertise themselves as such at the offset; they seldom do. That's the catch. Also, people can change into dumb risks right before your eyes.

ghostjmf wrote: Yeah, right. Go through life believing that. If you happen to be lucky; not magically privileged with "only knowing the best people", just plain lucky, it might even prove true.

If the people you meet, the people you get to know, and the people you create friendships with are all random events, then you are absolutely 100% correct.

But the answer is no to all three, so you are 2% correct.

Where you choose to go, the places you choose to be, are not random. Are there bad people in good places. Sure, but fewer than there are in bad places. Your choice to minimize the risk of interacting with a bad person.

Are some of the people you get to know even at the good places bad? Sometimes. It depends on your personal radar on who you should get to know and who you shouldn't. That personal radar is wired from your past experiences. If you choose not to learn from your past experiences, again your choice not random, you risk getting to know bad people.

Even if you go to good places and have a good personal radar will you make friends with a bad person. Perhaps, but the level of friendship should be slight when you find out the true nature of that person. That is why you don't just jump into new freindships (or romatic relationships) with both feet, all care thrown into the wind. You go slow.

Will some people who go to only the right places, meet only the right people, make friends carefully ever be killed by a friend. Sure, but it won't be because they were not 'lucky or magicaly priviledged'. Its just the fact of numbers. In a population of millions, something happens to someone. But your chances of being killed by a drunk driver are higher.

Personal choice, personal responsibility. Live it. Learn it.

Personal choice, personal responsibility. Live it. Learn it.

If I was going to have a signature thingie here, this just might be it.

UNC student body president was shot and killed this morning, and her car stolen. Appears to be random. People do suck. But I will walk where I want. If it happens, it happens. When we die, we either go to sleep, or we go somewhere else. Nothing to be afraid of either way.

silvercamaro wrote:I have noticed that in any group of people, a small percentage seem to find greater happiness -- or comfort -- in being miserable. I don't understand it, but I see it. IMO, several people on this bored fall into this category. My own extended family includes a few.

I have a lot in my family as well.

My aunt and I always talk about how we are "breaking the cycle" because that's what you have to do.

ghostjmf wrote: Do all of you women on the board who are "perpetually happy" also take long walks at 3:00am through bad neighborhoods because "people you know wouldn't do that", etc etc? Long walks without large dogs.

The people I call friends do not live in such neighborhoods, and neither do Kay's friends or her kids' friends. That was my point.

I walk where I want to. Someday when I start working at the shelter or the food bank, I know the neighborhood is bad, but the risk will be worth the work.

Ritterskoop wrote:

ghostjmf wrote: Do all of you women on the board who are "perpetually happy" also take long walks at 3:00am through bad neighborhoods because "people you know wouldn't do that", etc etc? Long walks without large dogs.

The people I call friends do not live in such neighborhoods, and neither do Kay's friends or her kids' friends. That was my point.

I walk where I want to. Someday when I start working at the shelter or the food bank, I know the neighborhood is bad, but the risk will be worth the work.

I will agree with the "perpetually happy" group here. It's more like common-sense, push the paranoia away, use your own good judgment, etc. There's no "perpetually happy" about it. Many of us have been in death defying or frightening or really icky situations through our own fault or others and living on edge all the time will kill you quicker than the next random psychopath.
With that being said, I think it's easy to get weirded out about stuff now simply because we read or hear it instantly, 6 degrees of separation make us skittish about whether it's someone we know or related to someone we know and there's no distancing from any of this.

Sometimes ignorance IS bliss.

peacock2121 wrote:Personal choice, personal responsibility. Live it. Learn it.

If I was going to have a signature thingie here, this just might be it.

It was rushed and not run through comittee. After further thought, I think it should be:

Personal choice, personal responsibility. Learn it. Live it.

silvercamaro wrote:I have noticed that in any group of people, a small percentage seem to find greater happiness -- or comfort -- in being miserable. I don't understand it, but I see it. IMO, several people on this bored fall into this category. My own extended family includes a few.

My mother-in-law is a classic example of this. She ain't happy unless she's miserable.

Ritterskoop wrote:

ghostjmf wrote: Do all of you women on the board who are "perpetually happy" also take long walks at 3:00am through bad neighborhoods because "people you know wouldn't do that", etc etc? Long walks without large dogs.

The people I call friends do not live in such neighborhoods, and neither do Kay's friends or her kids' friends. That was my point.

I walk where I want to. Someday when I start working at the shelter or the food bank, I know the neighborhood is bad, but the risk will be worth the work.

That's going a bit far in pursuit of a point. I can grant that you know where your friends live, and where Kay lives and maybe even where her kids live, but you know where Kay's friends and her kids' friends live? And you are familiar enough with those neighbourhoods to know they're "good" ones?

Even if they are, doesn't matter. Bad things can, and do, happen in good neighbourhoods all the time. Shit can happen and there's a difference between being paranoid and miserable and being sensible and aware.

Edit: I took out the examples I had written because they didn't serve a purpose to the origin of this thread and were more about the chicken fight that has ensued.

I think my original idea (which I must have mostly thought and not said) was something like this:

No matter where you live or go, you will run into various people. You have a lot of influence over some of those people, and zero over the others. The people Kay and her daughters choose to hang with, are not the sort who would do anything scarybad. So they do not need to worry about this happening to them at the hand of a known person.

The other kind of people, the ones who are bad, you have little influence over. They will be bad regardless. I choose not to worry about these people because I have no influence over them, except I do carry at least $30 so if someone wants it, they won't be mad I have nothing. (And I think there really are no bad neighborhoods in Auburn or Chapel Hill. The bad neighborhoods in Chapel Hill are in Raleigh.)

I had this same conversation with a professor last week, who is alarmed at a couple of recent muggings on/near campus. I said of course get the security folks to walk with you to your car, but don't keep looking over your shoulder the rest of the time. That's no way to live.

I must have made an error using a rational approach to a thing that is not rational for most of us. I withdraw my suggestion that we choose to be happy regardless of circumstances. The people who have chosen it, don't need to hear the suggestion, and the people who won't choose it, for sure don't want to hear it.

"Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty."

G. Washington

Ritterskoop wrote:I think my original idea (which I must have mostly thought and not said) was something like this:

No matter where you live or go, you will run into various people. You have a lot of influence over some of those people, and zero over the others. The people Kay and her daughters choose to hang with, are not the sort who would do anything scarybad. So they do not need to worry about this happening to them at the hand of a known person.

I don't know if this was ghost's point, but I really do not think that you can say that Kay's friends or Kay's daugther's friends definitely, 100%, are people who would never do bad things. Everyday, people who appear like the "All-American" guy or girl-next-door do terribl, horrendous things. In another thread, someone remarked on the fact that your average sex offender does not look like your vision of "the average sex offender".

I do agree with the thought that one can not go through life afraid. Rather, live life and await the glory and better life that (hopefully) awaits you thereafter.

Appa23 wrote:

Ritterskoop wrote:I think my original idea (which I must have mostly thought and not said) was something like this:

No matter where you live or go, you will run into various people. You have a lot of influence over some of those people, and zero over the others. The people Kay and her daughters choose to hang with, are not the sort who would do anything scarybad. So they do not need to worry about this happening to them at the hand of a known person.

I do agree with the thought that one can not go through life afraid. Rather, live life and await the glory and better life that (hopefully) awaits you thereafter.

I am pretty sure the reason one lives life with zest and joy and courage doesn't really matter. The living it is what matters.