Wedding Blog: BD**2 - 165
Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2008 10:33 am
Today is BD's birthday. She's 23. Her last birthday with her current name. Her last birthday under our roof. All sorts of other milestones that generally mean our baby is leaving the nest. *sniffle* I hope GW is ready to have me as the sole other two-legged occupant of the house again. Am I ready for her? It will be strange, after 25-plus years with kids around.
I am convinced that long-lasting marriages are as much due to luck as any other factor. There are just too many things that are not discussed when you're dating, or even when you're engaged. Take attitudes on money, the number one factor behind marital arguments according to surveys. GW and I have very similar outlooks on the subject. Simply put, it's "pay cash when you can". Our long-term debt is a mortgage, period. There is a 2nd mortgage (that's what "home equity" means, folks, no matter what you call it) line of credit that we took out in case we needed it for tuition, but we haven't used it since HS left school. We have refinanced three times to get lower interest rates (our first was 13.5%!), the last two for a 15-year term. We pay cash for our cars, unless there's a really low interest rate available from the dealer. We also run them into the ground; the last car we got rid of literally had pieces falling off of it. We use mainly one credit card which gives us a 1% rebate on all purchases, and we pay it off in full every month. I say mainly because we do have a gasoline card, which pays back 5% on purchases at their stations. We also use store cards when they're offering higher discounts on purchases for using it than we'd get from the rebates on the bank cards.
Anyway, we did not discuss money while dating. At all, as far as I can recall. It was just luck that one or both of us weren't big spenders, running up credit bills and paying minimums. I can see where hints during dating may warn of a potential problem. But love can truly be blind, and you don't think about or question how your date can afford those fancy clothes, sporty cars, expensive restaurants, etc. You just enjoy them and look adoringly into your love's eyes. Ah, but when you get hitched and you share the responsibility for paying the bills, that's when the problems and arguments start.
Note that I carefully do not mention either sex as the prime generator of the problem. We know a couple where both were big spenders (and who simply walked away from a house when they couldn't pay the mortgage, although they could "afford" to go to Disney World that year), and one where the wife got religion and cut back but the husband kept on spending (including the money intended for the kid's college tuition). All it takes is one spouse to break the bank. And often the marriage in the process.
I am convinced that long-lasting marriages are as much due to luck as any other factor. There are just too many things that are not discussed when you're dating, or even when you're engaged. Take attitudes on money, the number one factor behind marital arguments according to surveys. GW and I have very similar outlooks on the subject. Simply put, it's "pay cash when you can". Our long-term debt is a mortgage, period. There is a 2nd mortgage (that's what "home equity" means, folks, no matter what you call it) line of credit that we took out in case we needed it for tuition, but we haven't used it since HS left school. We have refinanced three times to get lower interest rates (our first was 13.5%!), the last two for a 15-year term. We pay cash for our cars, unless there's a really low interest rate available from the dealer. We also run them into the ground; the last car we got rid of literally had pieces falling off of it. We use mainly one credit card which gives us a 1% rebate on all purchases, and we pay it off in full every month. I say mainly because we do have a gasoline card, which pays back 5% on purchases at their stations. We also use store cards when they're offering higher discounts on purchases for using it than we'd get from the rebates on the bank cards.
Anyway, we did not discuss money while dating. At all, as far as I can recall. It was just luck that one or both of us weren't big spenders, running up credit bills and paying minimums. I can see where hints during dating may warn of a potential problem. But love can truly be blind, and you don't think about or question how your date can afford those fancy clothes, sporty cars, expensive restaurants, etc. You just enjoy them and look adoringly into your love's eyes. Ah, but when you get hitched and you share the responsibility for paying the bills, that's when the problems and arguments start.
Note that I carefully do not mention either sex as the prime generator of the problem. We know a couple where both were big spenders (and who simply walked away from a house when they couldn't pay the mortgage, although they could "afford" to go to Disney World that year), and one where the wife got religion and cut back but the husband kept on spending (including the money intended for the kid's college tuition). All it takes is one spouse to break the bank. And often the marriage in the process.