Am I missing some girlie gene? *rant*

Message

marrymeflyfree · #1 Post by **marrymeflyfree** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 9:55 am

You know the one...that makes women get giddy over baby showers and all that jazz?

I really did not want a shower. Really. I just feel snarky about someone throwing a party for me just to get gifts - especially when most of those gifts will come from people that I haven't seen in AGES. I really enjoy other peoples' showers and don't have a problem with them at all..and I'd feel more comfortable with it if we were a young couple just starting out. But we aren't, so I don't.

My mom has been quite upset by this, and now she's enlisted my aunt for help. Said aunt sent me guilt trip-laden email asking if she could throw me a shower. Mom must think that I will have a harder time saying no to my aunt than to her. She's right.

But even if I say yes, that leads to issue #2. All of the stuff they will want to buy. I really, really do not want to register for a bunch of things that we don't really want. We try to avoid the big mega-corporations like BabiesRUs when possible, would prefer to stay away from all the plastic made-in-China stuff that they sell, and we want to keep it simple in regard to all of the gear anyway. Agh. The whole notion that every pregnant woman must have a baby shower just serves the big box stores, and feeds the idea that we all must have every pink and blue plastic gadget under the sun.

I am anxious and annoyed just thinking about it.

MarleysGh0st · #2 Post by **MarleysGh0st** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:00 am

marrymeflyfree wrote:My mom has been quite upset by this, and now she's enlisted my aunt for help. Said aunt sent me guilt trip-laden email asking if she could throw me a shower. Mom must think that I will have a harder time saying no to my aunt than to her. She's right.

Why would you feel guilty explaining all this to your aunt?

mrkelley23 · #3 Post by **mrkelley23** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:00 am

You didn't really ask for suggestions, but from the non-estrogen side of things, I would agree to the shower, with the clear understanding that any and all gifts (since surely your mother and aunt would agree that you guys are not the typical needy couple starting out) could and will be donated to the local homeless shleter/youth home/insert charity of your choice.

I know several women who honestly did not want a baby shower. I've never known one who successfully resisted in the situtation you describe. Grit your teeth and do it -- you'll be glad later on.

themanintheseersuckersuit · #4 Post by **themanintheseersuckersuit** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:03 am

From Miss Manners

Gentle Reader,
You do know, don't you, that it is not up to you to decide to have a baby shower? Nor should family members be giving one for you.

But if your friends want to throw one, by all means enjoy it. By no means does Miss Manners think you need to discourage their marking another, separate event in your lives.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/ ... id=5097307

Gentle Reader,
Your relatives may be happier than most to hear that they have done something that is not proper etiquette. Showers are not supposed to be given by relatives of the guest of honor, and yes, Miss Manners knows that people do it all the time.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/ ... id=2527881

Gimme A Squiggly · #5 Post by **Gimme A Squiggly** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:08 am

marrymeflyfree wrote:The whole notion that every pregnant woman must have a baby shower just serves the big box stores, and feeds the idea that we all must have every pink and blue plastic gadget under the sun.

You are in luck! It is almost time for Baby Days!

Even Beast's dysfunctional store actually got its first stakeholder's bonus in 13 years this past quarter. Tell your friends to keep those profits coming.....

marrymeflyfree · #6 Post by **marrymeflyfree** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:10 am

I love that the first replies to this chick-themed message are all from men.

(And I really love the donation suggestion...thanks!)

5LD · #7 Post by **5LD** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:11 am

MMFF,

I felt the same way. I told my friend who was throwing the shower of three big items I wanted and asked that they take donations toward those things. I ended up getting my stroller and bassinett that way. I was happy, they still got me a few little things, but the party was a party and not a big gift opening thing. It worked for me. Maybe something like that?!?

peacock2121 · #8 Post by **peacock2121** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:11 am

This may be a time for you to just let people contribute to you. If what they contribute does not work in your life style, either exchange the gift or donate it.

People sometimes want to contribute when we think we are not needy or worthy. It is a contribution to them to let them give, be gracious and appreciative of them for wanting to contribute.

<aside>

I hate bridal showers and I hate baby showers. I love the joy that the people who throw them get from throwing them.

<end>

marrymeflyfree · #9 Post by **marrymeflyfree** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:11 am

MarleysGh0st wrote: Why would you feel guilty explaining all this to your aunt?

Hrmm...maybe because my mom already knows I am missing the girlie gene, while my aunt only suspects...

MarleysGh0st · #10 Post by **MarleysGh0st** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:12 am

Gimme A Squiggly wrote: Even Beast's dysfunctional store actually got its first stakeholder's bonus in 13 years this past quarter. Tell your friends to keep those profits coming.....

Did all stakeholders get that or are only employees called stakeholders?

#11 Post by **littlebeast13** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:16 am

MarleysGh0st wrote:
Gimme A Squiggly wrote: Even Beast's dysfunctional store actually got its first stakeholder's bonus in 13 years this past quarter. Tell your friends to keep those profits coming.....
Did all stakeholders get that or are only employees called stakeholders?

That would be us dysfunctional people who work in the store. $266.07 for every full-time associate. If they hadn't broken the award up into quarters 2 years ago (it had been fiscal years), we'd still be on our 13 year losing streak.

Most stores get their bonus every year, for a little perspective on just how "proud" we were of our little claim to shame....

lb13

silvercamaro · #12 Post by **silvercamaro** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:17 am

Here's how I see it. Your friends and family -- even the ones you haven't seen in AGES -- want to show you how much they care about you and how happy they are about the baby. Their gifts help them believe that in some small way, they can contribute to the baby's well-being. The shower provides a convenient way to do that. You could always register a few inexpensive items -- supplies, baby sleepers, etc. -- and be confident that many of the invited guests will ignore your store list (and the entire store) anyway.

You are not missing a girl gene. You just don't care about this sort of thing -- but in this case and for the next years of your life, it's really not so much about you.

PlacentiaSoccerMom · #13 Post by **PlacentiaSoccerMom** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:19 am

peacock2121 wrote:This may be a time for you to just let people contribute to you. If what they contribute does not work in your life style, either exchange the gift or donate it.

People sometimes want to contribute when we think we are not needy or worthy. It is a contribution to them to let them give, be gracious and appreciative of them for wanting to contribute.

<aside>

I hate bridal showers and I hate baby showers. I love the joy that the people who throw them get from throwing them.

<end>

What she said.

Can you register at some store that has the simpler items that you want.

I don't love baby showers at all and didn't really want one, but my friends really wanted to have one for me. It wasn't horrible and they really had fun organizing it for me.

tlynn78 · #14 Post by **tlynn78** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:23 am

MMFF, I understand where you are coming from. I don't think it's necessarily a missing girlie gene. Given the circmstances, I think it's clear you have all the pertinent ones. It sounds like you feel uncomfortable getting. I'm that way too, someimtes. It took me a long time to realize that sometimes the getting is the result of others doing what makes them happy, not necessarily about you. I think you have to let them have that. It helps to think of it as helping your family and friends celebrate and have a part in the welcoming of the new family member. I think the 'donation' shower is a fantastic idea, or, choose that perfect crib, stroller, whatever, and have the hostess ask for donations toward it, like Ducks suggested. Or, I could just be making no sense at all, which would surprise no one, so feel free to ignore my advice

I am very happy for you. Maybe we could give you a virtual shower!!

No?

Rats.

t.

marrymeflyfree · #15 Post by **marrymeflyfree** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:31 am

Excellent thoughts from everyone, as always. Giving gifts is more fun than getting them, and I suppose I should remember that.

peacock2121 wrote: People sometimes want to contribute when we think we are not needy or worthy. It is a contribution to them to let them give, be gracious and appreciative of them for wanting to contribute.

Yep, yep. I think some of it is guilt...my crazy schedule has kept me from attending so many events that I feel guilty expecting people to come to something for me. I guess I should get over that.

But there will be no dangling of strings or peeing on Drano, and that is final!

ulysses5019 · #16 Post by **ulysses5019** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:34 am

I am very happy for you. Maybe we could give you a virtual shower!!

Just don't invite that Giant Gambian Rat! They end up eating all the good hors d'oeuvres. Oh, and I wouldn't trust that snaggle toothed snuggly bear....

peacock2121 · #17 Post by **peacock2121** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:38 am

marrymeflyfree wrote:Excellent thoughts from everyone, as always. Giving gifts is more fun than getting them, and I suppose I should remember that.

peacock2121 wrote: People sometimes want to contribute when we think we are not needy or worthy. It is a contribution to them to let them give, be gracious and appreciative of them for wanting to contribute.
Yep, yep. I think some of it is guilt...my crazy schedule has kept me from attending so many events that I feel guilty expecting people to come to something for me. I guess I should get over that.

But there will be no dangling of strings or peeing on Drano, and that is final!

ding, ding, ding!

I think you found a truth for yourself. Forgive yourself for not accepting the invites to those parties.

WTF?!? dangling strings and peeing on Drano? What kind of showers have you been to?

marrymeflyfree · #18 Post by **marrymeflyfree** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:38 am

ulysses5019 wrote: Just don't invite that Giant Gambian Rat! They end up eating all the good hors d'oeuvres.

Remember, GGR has a ravenous woman eating for two to contend with, and I love good canapes.

Now a good old fashioned eating contest...THAT would be a good shower game!

marrymeflyfree · #19 Post by **marrymeflyfree** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:43 am

peacock2121 wrote: WTF?!? dangling strings and peeing on Drano? What kind of showers have you been to?

Strange ones. Very, very strange!

My grandmother, the one that had 17 babies, swore by the string trick. You take the woman's ring, dangle it from a string over her belly. Boy babies make it swing in a straight line, and girls make a circle. (Just don't do the trick twice or you'll fear a hermaphrodite birth!)

The thing I did to my SIL was probably the worst. I had someone take notes of all the things she said as she was opening her gifts...later, we took turns reading back her "oohs!" and "aahs!" and "oh its so big!s", saying these are the things that were said the night she conceived.

Poor girl. No wonder she thinks our family is weird.

Appa23 · #20 Post by **Appa23** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 11:42 am

marrymeflyfree wrote:You know the one...that makes women get giddy over baby showers and all that jazz?

I really did not want a shower. Really. I just feel snarky about someone throwing a party for me just to get gifts - especially when most of those gifts will come from people that I haven't seen in AGES. I really enjoy other peoples' showers and don't have a problem with them at all..and I'd feel more comfortable with it if we were a young couple just starting out. But we aren't, so I don't.

My mom has been quite upset by this, and now she's enlisted my aunt for help. Said aunt sent me guilt trip-laden email asking if she could throw me a shower. Mom must think that I will have a harder time saying no to my aunt than to her. She's right.

But even if I say yes, that leads to issue #2. All of the stuff they will want to buy. I really, really do not want to register for a bunch of things that we don't really want. We try to avoid the big mega-corporations like BabiesRUs when possible, would prefer to stay away from all the plastic made-in-China stuff that they sell, and we want to keep it simple in regard to all of the gear anyway. Agh. The whole notion that every pregnant woman must have a baby shower just serves the big box stores, and feeds the idea that we all must have every pink and blue plastic gadget under the sun.

I am anxious and annoyed just thinking about it.

I see that someone already noted that family is not supposed to give baby (or wedding) showers.

Here is my two bits of advice, from being down the road (or really, having someone travel down that road):

- You are right that you do not need lots of the fancy, shmancy stuff. Whatever toys you buy/get, the baby will want to play with everyday items, like socks, pots/pans, et cetera. I would not even buy a bassinet, if you know someone who can lend you one for a couple of months. I think that we used a bassinet for maybe a month, and then Princess Pudding (PP2) was in a crib.

- There are "must-have" items. You never can have or get enough diapers, wipes, sleepers, bibs, or onesies. If you can get these everyday items at a shower,

As someone noted, a good stroller is key. Test drive them at your favorite store of choice. Oddly, as we already had one kid when Princess Peanut (PP) came home, we found the most awesome stroller, with a sitting area for The Boy, at a Menards home improvement store.

- The other items that I can tell you is mucho importante is a good baby carrier. Make sure that it is one that you and the Naughty Norwegian can use.

- Also, it is important for you guys (as any shower guests) to remember that babies grow fast. Thus, it is no good to only get 0-3 month sizes on things, or to get a seasonal item in a size where the baby will be too big by the time that the season arrives. [Spoken by the couple who was given 12 month size summer outifits by family when the baby is looking at needing 18-24 month sizes right now.]

- I can tell you that the best gifts that my wife got at her baby showers were homemade items that showed the love that family and friends had for our kids and her. For PP2, a dear friend sent out squares to the shower guests about 6 weeks in advance. Each guest decorated the square and then she sewed the squares into a quilt. It has cross-stitched sayings, fabric paint, pictures on fabric, and you-name-it. It hangs on the "nursery" wall, and PP2 always looks at it while we snuggle and read a book before bed.

BTW, in case I never said it -- CONGRATS on the midget, and best of luck!

ne1410s · #21 Post by **ne1410s** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 11:49 am

Well, this is the end of the world as we know it:

I agree with everything Appa said...

PlacentiaSoccerMom · #22 Post by **PlacentiaSoccerMom** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 11:54 am

marrymeflyfree wrote:
peacock2121 wrote: WTF?!? dangling strings and peeing on Drano? What kind of showers have you been to?
Strange ones. Very, very strange!

My grandmother, the one that had 17 babies, swore by the string trick. You take the woman's ring, dangle it from a string over her belly. Boy babies make it swing in a straight line, and girls make a circle. (Just don't do the trick twice or you'll fear a hermaphrodite birth!)

The thing I did to my SIL was probably the worst. I had someone take notes of all the things she said as she was opening her gifts...later, we took turns reading back her "oohs!" and "aahs!" and "oh its so big!s", saying these are the things that were said the night she conceived.

Poor girl. No wonder she thinks our family is weird.

My least favorite shower game is where they give everyone string and ask people cut off a piece that will be the closest in length to the circumference of the mother's belly. People always make them too long and it's embarassing for the mother-to-be.

I usually lose this game because I very deliberately make the string about 24" long.

When I bring gifts to a shower, I usually bring practical stuff. I get a baby bathtub and fill it with baby wash, baby shampoo, diapers, wipes, children's Tylenol, bibs and blankets.

Appa23 · #23 Post by **Appa23** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 11:57 am

Not to start a whole "bottle feeding" brouhaha here, but I forgot to note, if you did not know, that you will need to try different bottle nipples and bottle styles with your baby. The general rule of thumb is that (s)he will only drink from whatever style you had not already purchased.

PlacentiaSoccerMom · #24 Post by **PlacentiaSoccerMom** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:02 pm

Have you thought about what type of diapers you are going to use?

We started out using cloth diapers with Maddie.

When she woke up to eat in the middle of the night, we would change her, she would drink, then pee, then we would have to change her again and the act of wiping her tushy woke her up, so she would be hungry again.

When one of the grandmas suggested using regular diapers, it made a huge different in her sleeping habits. She started sleeping through the night and it made a huge difference in our mental health.

I loved Huggies Supreme diapers. They feel like cloth, but are more breathable than regular disposable diapers. Maddie never got a diaper rash while using them.

We started using the diapers in California, but they didn't sell them in Connecticut for a while. Jeff's mom would send me care packages of the diapers from California and it was really nice. Eventually they started selling the diapers on the East Coast and I could buy them myself.

If you decide to use them, go to the Huggies web site and sign up for coupons. I also had my mom and Jeff's mom get on their mailing list and they sent me thier coupons. In addition, when the baby coupons showed up in the Sunday newspaper, I would get multiple copies of the paper so that I could get more coupons.

Catfish · #25 Post by **Catfish** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:02 pm

Maybe they could make it a diaper shower. Two things you will need for almost 3 years are wipes and dipes. It would be nice to amass a pile of dipes in all sizes. That was the theme of the best shower I've attended (unfortunately, it wasn't mine). The hostesses asked each guest to bring a package of diapers (any size small to large) and to attach to it a piece of child-rearing advice or a thought on motherhood that the new mother would read every time she grabbed one of those packages. Ever since then, my standard shower gift has been a Target gift card and a pack of diapers.

Love,

WWTBAM Bored

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