Wedding Blog: BD**2 - 177

[gsabc]

My last entry got more of a response than I expected. I take the general point of most of them, i.e., butt out, but I would like to expand on the original event and answer a few implied questions.

My knowledge of the actual happenings out in CA is limited. Of course, we only have FSIL's version of what happened with the paperwork. I have no reason to doubt it. The latest information, if I have it correct, is that the orderly room claims never to have seen the paperwork for either leave request. I do not know the reason that the last person would not sign, though tan may have something with his "poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part". His first sergeant has told him that he (the 1st Sarge) will personally walk the next request around himself to get the required signatures. I choose to believe FSIL, and wonder if there is someone who has a grudge against him, or is for some reason putting him through some sort of newbie hazing. He has only been there since early December, after all.

I am not mad at FSIL, and AFAIK have no reason to be. I can't imagine that he didn't want to be here this weekend. I don't even have a suggestion that there are any second thoughts about the engagement itself. This was the guy who nearly brought back an engagement ring when he returned from Iraq, from having been with BD a grand total of maybe ten days. The diamond in the actual ring is a family heirloom, from his grandmother. I am, as was noted, just trying to keep BD happy for the limited time I still have her around here. Hence, my e-mail suggestion.

I have not spent sufficient time with FSIL to know how he thinks, or his attitudes toward women and in particular toward one of my women. I do know that his parents are divorced, and he is much closer to his mother and older sister than to his father. So I do not know how much actual "fatherly advice" he may have had from uncles or other male role models. I was also harking back to my own "oblivious" days (a level or two below "clueless"; that term implies that you realize that there ARE clues) when I was his age. I could have used some of this type of advice, believe me.

I couched the e-mail with as many provisos as possible and kept it light. ("Take the suggestion with as many grains of salt as you want. Free advice is often worth the price.") When he does get here, I will ask how he took it. This was the first time I felt even the slightest urge to offer advice. GW and I were in full agreement on the matter, though. GW wanted to get out her proverbial two-by-four to get his attention and knock some sense into him (Little did we know when I first told GW that old joke that we really would be dealing with someone in the Army.). My method was safer for his well-being.

Yes, I suspect that BD has let him know her displeasure about the lack of communication and event acknowledgements. For better or worse (he says modestly), I have set a high standard when it comes with dealing with spouses. She expects nothing less. Nor do I.

[tlynn78]

You're a good dad.

t.

[MarleysGh0st]

My knowledge of the actual happenings out in CA is limited.

CA? California? I thought he was still stationed in Iraq.

[gsabc]

My knowledge of the actual happenings out in CA is limited.

CA? California? I thought he was still stationed in Iraq.

Do I need to issue a program to keep track of the players here?

FSIL has been back in the States for a while. He was based at Fort Bragg upon return, and transferred to Fort Irwin in December. There remains the threat of another deployment, but when that was delayed past this year (or so everyone understands), he and BD decided to go ahead with the wedding. The original plans were to wait until he got back from another deployment. We didn't start actively planning this August wedding until around New Year's.

[MarleysGh0st]

Do I need to issue a program to keep track of the players here?

Considering that we've still got six months to go in this program, don't you think that's important?

Knowing that he's not still in country relieves my mind of various scenarios I had for why he might not have been able to respond to e-mail. Of course, that also eliminates his best excuses...

[tanstaafl2]

Well, I for one certainly hope it proves to be nothing more than a brief tempest in a teapot and that it is resolved now to the extent that it can be!

As someone who is not a parent and has no plans to ever be a parent the perspective offered by those who are parents is no doubt the right one, ie maintain a distance in the matter as your daughter should and no doubt will deal with it in her own way, if indeed there is anything to "deal with" to begin with!

[peacock2121]

You may love your daughter so much that you can't see when you are stepping over a line. I think that is what people are saying.

You also may be doing just what you ought to do and we don't know things that would have the red flags not appear.

It is also difficult to have your little girl be a grown-up woman who is getting married and leaving her mom and dad.