WWTBAM Bored

I don't know how it was or will be received, but I sent FSIL some fatherly advice yesterday via e-mail. I tactfully (or so I hope) suggested that since he wasn't going to be here this weekend, he needs to send BD flowers or some other tangible item for Valentine's Day and for her upcoming birthday. If memory serves me and GW, he didn't do either one last year. I also included a low-cost version, since I know money is an issue with both of them.

One year when money was tight, I sent an e-mail to GW at work on our B anniversary. Attached to the e-mail were photos of roses, bouquet and single, all colors and shapes, that I found on the Internet. The number of photos equaled the number of years of marriage. GW told me that she and a co-worker spent considerable time looking through them. It was one of my better ideas, if I do say so myself, and cost me only the online search time.

The letter to FSIL wasn't entirely altruistic, which I mentioned in the message. I plan to bring GW some flowers today, and I didn't want BD to feel bad if he neglects to do something for her. It was also a reminder of her birthday, which he should remember anyway because it's only a couple of days before his own.

I will sign up for one of those free photo places over the weekend and show you the wedding cupcake.

I guess I missed the part about him not coming after all.

How upset was BD? Are the scheduled things getting re-arranged?

Guess that was why there was silence on his end. Didn't want to share the bad news?

Not a good sign really.

gsabc wrote:I don't know how it was or will be received, but I sent FSIL some fatherly advice yesterday via e-mail. I tactfully (or so I hope) suggested that since he wasn't going to be here this weekend, he needs to send BD flowers or some other tangible item for Valentine's Day and for her upcoming birthday. If memory serves me and GW, he didn't do either one last year. I also included a low-cost version, since I know money is an issue with both of them.

One year when money was tight, I sent an e-mail to GW at work on our B anniversary. Attached to the e-mail were photos of roses, bouquet and single, all colors and shapes, that I found on the Internet. The number of photos equaled the number of years of marriage. GW told me that she and a co-worker spent considerable time looking through them. It was one of my better ideas, if I do say so myself, and cost me only the online search time.

The letter to FSIL wasn't entirely altruistic, which I mentioned in the message. I plan to bring GW some flowers today, and I didn't want BD to feel bad if he neglects to do something for her. It was also a reminder of her birthday, which he should remember anyway because it's only a couple of days before his own.

I will sign up for one of those free photo places over the weekend and show you the wedding cupcake.

How much time between today and BD's birthday. My GW's birthday is within a week of Valentine's Day. To save money, while we were dating long-distance, I sent a dozen long-stem roses so that they arrived on February 17th, to cover VD and her birthday. It became our running joke. (I always am amazed how much less flowers are on 2/15 as compared to 2/14.)

If you have not already built up a relationship with FSIL, I would tread lightly with providing "fatherly advice". Plus, unless I got the wrong impression, it was not his idea to not be there this weekend.

I am sure that BD has got a good head on her shoulders, knows what she is doing, and has picked a "winner".

christie1111 wrote:I guess I missed the part about him not coming after all.

Two blogs ago. Not his fault, at least the not coming part.

viewtopic.php?t=3658

gsabc wrote:

christie1111 wrote:I guess I missed the part about him not coming after all.

Two blogs ago. Not his fault, at least the not coming part.

viewtopic.php?t=3658

I have to wonder at least a bit about the "not his fault" part. Having spent a few years in the Army, admittedly with a much different perspective as an officer, I am more than a little surprised by the "Army lost my paperwork" excuse. Rather sounds like "the dog ate my homework".

If he were interested in going on leave in my experience there are ways to follow up on that and insure that either it is getting processed or finding out in advance why it isn't getting processed. Also a bit curious about the person who wouldn't sign off on it the paperwork when it was walked through. I suspect there is a story there.

Personally I am a strong believer that piss poor planning on someone else's part does not automatically create an urgent need on my part to respond, at least when I have a choice in the matter. Probably because so much of my life I haven't had a choice. Or at least not a viable one.

In any case, there might be justification for consideration of more "fatherly advice" than on just VD and birthday presents. And if he doesn't make some effort on the VD and especially the birthday (VD is a little too much forced "gaity" to me, so as long as he is consistent and it is understood by both parties, I can give him the benefit of the doubt on that one...) especially after getting a little friendly reminder, I for one would have to start wondering about the match over all. It would seem to be just plain rude. And to the best of my knowledge that never proves to be a positive attribute.

Obviously one persons opinion from someone with little basis for having an opinion in the first place but this whole incident seems, from a long distance away, to be failing the sniff test.

(I should add it is not really my place to comment on this but since you were putting the story out there I offer my 2 kwacha's for what its worth!)

Meddling in-laws before they are in-laws is a red flag.

My point of view about parenting is that your job is to prepare your child for the road of life, not prepare the road for her. If she is marrying someone who neglects to do what she expects for holidays/birthdays/anniversays - she had best get that handled between her and him. Now is the time to do that.

If BD did not get the communication over the fence last year, shame on her. It is not your job or your place to do it.

I do know and love how much you love your daughter.

peacock2121 wrote:Meddling in-laws before they are in-laws is a red flag.

My point of view about parenting is that your job is to prepare your child for the road of life, not prepare the road for her. If she is marrying someone who neglects to do what she expects for holidays/birthdays/anniversays - she had best get that handled between her and him. Now is the time to do that.

If BD did not get the communication over the fence last year, shame on her. It is not your job or your place to do it.

I do know and love how much you love your daughter.

Where are the 4 Horsemen? Pea and I agree on this point.

It is for BD, and BD alone, to decide whether she should be upset about presents or no presents, e-mails or no e-mails, that he is "the one" or not. I am going to presume that the two of you have raised a strong, independent woman who can make her own choices and her own mistakes.

peacock2121 wrote: My point of view about parenting is that your job is to prepare your child for the road of life, not prepare the road for her.

I really, really like this statement.

Appa23 wrote:

peacock2121 wrote:Meddling in-laws before they are in-laws is a red flag.

My point of view about parenting is that your job is to prepare your child for the road of life, not prepare the road for her. If she is marrying someone who neglects to do what she expects for holidays/birthdays/anniversays - she had best get that handled between her and him. Now is the time to do that.

If BD did not get the communication over the fence last year, shame on her. It is not your job or your place to do it.

I do know and love how much you love your daughter.

Where are the 4 Horsemen? Pea and I agree on this point.

It is for BD, and BD alone, to decide whether she should be upset about presents or no presents, e-mails or no e-mails, that he is "the one" or not. I am going to presume that the two of you have raised a strong, independent woman who can make her own choices and her own mistakes.

Well, crap, now I am going to have to go and lay down. This is just too much for my heart to take.