I was disappointed

[peacock2121]

and bordered on angry.

I was also embarrassed that I was feeling that way.

Last year, I had a good part of my life be about my m-i-l's new knee and new eyes. I did it so that she would have the opportunity to enjoy the years she has left. She had been paralyzed by pain in walking and fear in driving.

We got it all done.

We come back and she is sitting more than before. She is 'shut in' more than before. She freezes milk so she doen't have to go to the grocery store. Her car (one year old) has 1,100 miles on it.

She told me she doesn't walk for exercise because I never invited her to. Pissed me off, so the next morning I invited her.

She gave me some BS and I told her she was full of shit. I didn't say it mad, I just said it.

She got up and got her walking shoes on. She walked.

Then... we go up to see my folks.

We come back and she tells us:

- She walked to the clubhouse (it is .4 miles away)
- She went to the "singles" meeting at the clubhouse
- She is going to the cocktail party they are having at the end of the month
- She is going to make deviled egss for said party
- She met 2 women she wouldn't have met otherwise because she walked and they saw her walking.

I am thrilled - maybe she just needs a kick in the butt.

[mrkelley23]

Ayup.

Some of us can relate to that feeling.

I'm glad you delivered said kick, because if there's anything scarier than having to do stuff, when you're very used to not doing stuff, I can't think of it.

What's three times as nice is that she didn't transfer all that to you, and have you become her lifeline. She needed a jumpstart, but then she almost immediately found others. Not all daughters-in-law are so lucky.

[minimetoo26]

I'd have been pissed.

Now can you work on MY m-i-l? I swear she spent 23 hours a day in bed when she was here. Wouldn't feed or dress or bathe herself without an aide. (She ate a bunch of snacky crap and went to bed before I cooked dinner!)

This for abdominal surgery 8 weekd previously. She fell into the "poor, pitiful me" mode and never pulled herself out. I have no idea what she's doing now and stopped caring about three days after she left...

[BackInTex]

I am thrilled - maybe she just needs a kick in the butt.

Good for you. Good for your MiL.

[MarleysGh0st]

I am thrilled - maybe she just needs a kick in the butt.

I'm glad she responded so well to it, Pea.

MarleysMom is still angry at MarleysAunt, because when she was in the nursing home a year ago, said aunt tried to get her to wheel her own wheelchair down the corridor instead of pushing it for her. And when she said "you can do it," she apparently wasn't as gentle and encouraging and compassionate as MarleysMom expected.

And while there are things Mom can't do any more, there are others she can, but she's found it too easy to sit and be served. For instance, she really wants dessert after dinner (even if she complains that the dinner servings she's being given are too large). When I was home and didn't serve the dessert fast enough, she'd walk into the kitchen and get some cookies for herself, easily enough.

When they're sliding down a long hill, it's discouraging to see them not try to climb back up.