WWTBAM Bored

Over the holidays, while grabbing a bunch of Food Network cookbooks for GW at the local discount store, I discovered and purchased a copy of "The Pocket Idiot's Guide to: Being the Father of the Bride." Are there really Dads who are as clueless as indicated in this book? It's not like I've had a lot of experience even attending weddings, let alone planning one, but good grief, this is really basic stuff they're describing. There will certainly be information new to me in here. I shudder, though, to think of the shock to those fathers who didn't know or understand some of the more rudimentary material and responsibilities.

Someone commented about my entry on wedding costs. Yes, we have a budget, and yes, we have told BD that our contribution is this amount and they are paying for anything over that. This has led to some of the stress, because there is no realistic way to bring this in for less than our contribution. BD does have some "hidden" money, thanks to her grandparents years ago and a very well managed mutual fund. She knows about it. But she'd also like to keep it as "hidden" and not have to use it. One of those attitudes she inherited from us - if you don't see the money, it acts as a slush fund for emergencies and as security by knowing that it's there if you truly need it. We have a similar account. Meanwhile, she is throwing money into a high-paying savings account as fast as she can. Living at home helps.

We did exactly the same thing when our daughter got married. We told her how much we were contributing and she could plan her wedding from there. I think a lot of problems arise when parents say they'll pay for the wedding and the next thing you know, it's up to $30,000.

My best advice to any bride and groom - scrimp where you can but get a good photographer. We are approaching 37 years of married bliss (yeah, right) and we still have the worst wedding pictures EVER. He actually took pictures of us in front of my in-laws fireplace and didn't remove the newspapers sitting on the ledge. He showed up at the reception, got us to pretend cutting the cake and took off before dinner.

The pictures our families and friends took were better. I didn't even get proofs - just pictures. So ask to see some of their work first.

My best advice to any bride and groom - scrimp where you can but get a good photographer. We are approaching 37 years of married bliss (yeah, right) and we still have the worst wedding pictures EVER. He actually took pictures of us in front of my in-laws fireplace and didn't remove the newspapers sitting on the ledge. He showed up at the reception, got us to pretend cutting the cake and took off before dinner.

The pictures our families and friends took were better. I didn't even get proofs - just pictures. So ask to see some of their work first.

Hey, what's wrong with a photo in front of the fireplace? At least he didn't try to be creative and make you climb inside it.

I agree with you about him giving photographers a bad name......the only reason we show up at the reception is to get our mitts on some overstuffed mushrooms and some rubber chicken and cadge a bottle of champagne from an obliging bartender......oh and to have the bride and groom embarrass themselves by smashing cake slices into each others faces.

Our photographer was horrible. She didn't load her film correctly for the roll that she took of my Dad's side of the family. Because they all hate each other, it was the first and last time they were all together in years and there were no photographs of them at all.

My dad always joked that it was because they are all vampires.

She did get ten pictures of a cat that lived at the location. While it was a cute cat, it wasn't my family.

There is something I am not understanding. BD knows the budget. You and GW are ready and willing to spend the budget and no more.

What's the stress about?

Is BD still fighting the budget, hoping that you will up it?

Are you fighting her, trying to make her stay within the budget because you think she should do it for the budget and no more?

Do you still want control over decisions - so there really isn't a budget for her wedding - there is a budget for your wedding and she can't spend the money on what she wants - in other words, do you still want control over how your money is spent?

The stress can be easily eliminated by telling the truth and being firm about boundaries. Tell the truth about the source of the stress. See if you want to change your position or not. Then stand for your position.

I am now wondering if you will stop blogging so I stop giving my opinion and advice.

peacock2121 wrote:There is something I am not understanding. BD knows the budget. You and GW are ready and willing to spend the budget and no more.

What's the stress about?

Is BD still fighting the budget, hoping that you will up it?

Are you fighting her, trying to make her stay within the budget because you think she should do it for the budget and no more?

Do you still want control over decisions - so there really isn't a budget for her wedding - there is a budget for your wedding and she can't spend the money on what she wants - in other words, do you still want control over how your money is spent?

The stress can be easily eliminated by telling the truth and being firm about boundaries. Tell the truth about the source of the stress. See if you want to change your position or not. Then stand for your position.

I am now wondering if you will stop blogging so I stop giving my opinion and advice.

That will not happen. Either one. All comments are being used for ideas of future subjects.

I will address this in more detail at some point (see?). For now, I'll say that the budget stress is about more than just our contribution and theirs. More like money in general than the specifics of the wedding costs.