Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:34 am
Scene: Writer Uly Torrance interviews for a job as caretaker for the Overlook Bored, an internet haven that shuts down for the winter season.
Eyégor: There is one other thing I think we should talk about. I don't want to sound melodramatic, but it is something that's been known to give a few people second thoughts about the job.
Uly: I'm intrigued.
Eyégor: I don't suppose they, uh, told you anything about the tragedy we had up here during the shutdown of 2005?
Uly: I don't believe they did.
Eyégor: Well, uh, my predecessor in this job hired a man named Killer Tomato as the winter caretaker. And he came up here with his wife and two little girls, Holly and Hoolie, I think about 8 and 10. And he had a good employment record, good references, and from what I've been told, I mean he seemed like a completely normal individual. But at some point during the winter, he must have suffered some kind of a complete mental breakdown. He ran amuck and killed his family with an axe. Stacked 'em neatly in the chat room. Police, uh, they thought that was what the old-timers used to call Bored fever. Kind of claustrophobic reaction which can occur when people are on-line together over long periods of time.
Uly: Well, that's, uh, quite a story. That’s what you get for hiring a guy named Killer Tomato.
Eyégor: True. And, obviously some people can be put off by the idea of staying alone in a place where something like that actually happened.
Uly: Well, you can rest assured, Mr. Eyégor. That's not gonna happen with me. And as far as my wife is concerned, I'm sure she'll be absolutely fascinated when I tell her about it. She's a confirmed ghost story and political thread addict.
Scene: Uly and Kiki Torrance arrive at Overlook Bored with their young son, LB. Uly plans on using the time to create the entire list for July Lyrically Speaking.
Scene: Young LB talks with Moonie, the Overlook’s cook
Moonie: I can remember when I was a little boy. My grandmother and I could hold conversations entirely without ever opening our mouths. She called it "chatting". And for a long time, I thought it was just the two of us that had it. Just like you probably thought you was the only one. But there are other folks, though mostly they don't know it, or don't believe it.
LB: But, Mr. Moonie, people hold conversations all time without talking. Isn't that what the internet is all about.
Moonie: Say, how did you get so smart?
LB: I keep notebooks.
Moonie: Good idea.
LB: Mr. Moonie, are you scared of this place?
Moonie: No. Scared – there's nothin' here. It's just that, you know, some places are like people. Some "chat" and some don't. I guess you could say the Overlook Bored here has somethin' almost like "chatting".
LB: Is there something bad here?
Moonie: Well, sometimes they can see things that happened a long time ago. I think a lot of things happened right here in this particular Bored over the years … and not all of 'em was good.
LB: What about the chat room?
Moonie: Chat room?
LB: You're scared of the chat room, ain't ya?
Moonie: No, I ain't.
LB: Mr. Moonie. What's in the chat room?
Moonie: Nothin'! There ain't nothin' in the chat room. But you ain't got no business goin' in there anyway. So stay out! You understand? Stay out!
Scene: LB is explores the Overlook Bored. . .
. . .and finds the chat room
Holly and Hoolie: Hello LB. Come and play with us. Come and play with us, LB. Forever... and ever... and ever.
Scene: Uly visits the chat room. . .
. . .and meets Tuba Dave the bartender
Dave: Good evening, Uly. It's good to see you.
Uly: It's good to be back, Dave.
Dave: What'll it be, sir?
Uly: Hair of the dog that bit me.
Dave: Bourbon on the rocks.
Uly: That'll do her.
Dave: No charge to you, Uly.
Uly: No charge?
Dave: Your money is no good here. That goes for anyone who wants to create Lyrically Speaking lists. Orders from the Bored.
Uly: Orders from the Bored?
Dave: Drink up, Uly.
Uly: I'm the kind of man who likes to know who's buyin' their drinks, Dave.
Dave: It's not a matter that concerns you, Uly. At least not at this point.
Uly: Anything you say, Dave. Anything you say.
Scene: Kiki visits Uly as he writes and realizes he’s starting to lose his mind
Kiki: Get a lot written today?
Uly: Yes.
Kiki: Hey! Weather forecast said it's gonna snow tonight!
Uly: What do you want me to do about it?
Kiki: Aw, come on, hun. Don't be so grouchy.
Uly: I'm not being grouchy. I just want to finish Lyrically Speaking.
Kiki: Okay, I understand. I'll come back later on with a couple of sandwiches for ya, and maybe you'll let me try some of the lyrics.
Uly: Kiki, let me explain something to you. Whenever you come in here and interrupt my songs, you're breaking my concentration. You're distracting me! [he hits his head with the palm of his hand, rips up his Lyrically Speaking list, and throws it onto the floor] And it will then take me time to get back to where I was! Understand?!
Kiki: Yeah.
Uly: Fine. I'm gonna make a new rule: whenever I'm in here, and you hear me typing,[presses down hard on random keys] whether you don't hear me typing, whatever the f*ck you hear me doing in here, when I'm in here, that means that I am working on Lyrically Speaking. That means don't come in. Now, do you think you can handle that?
Kiki: Yeah.
Scene: Uly meets KT, the former caretaker
Uly: What do they call you around here, Jeevesy?
KT: KT, sir. Short for Killer Tomato.
Uly: Eh, Mr. KT... haven't I seen you somewhere before?
KT: Why no, sir. I don't believe so.
Uly: Eh... Mr. KT... weren't you once the caretaker here?
KT: Why no, sir. I don't believe so.
Uly: You, er, a married man, are you, Mr. KT?
KT: Yes, sir. I have a wife and, eh, two daughters, sir. Holly and Hoolie.
Uly: And, er... where are they now?
KT: Oh, they're somewhere around. I'm not quite sure at the moment, sir.
Uly: [takes KT's cloth and wipes his hand with it] Mr. KT, you were the caretaker here. I recognize you. I saw your picture in the newspapers. You, uh … chopped your wife and daughters up into little bits. And … and you blew your brains out.
KT: That's strange, sir. I don't have any recollection of that at all.
Uly: Mr. KT, you were the caretaker here.
KT: I'm sorry to differ with you, sir, but you are the caretaker.
You've always been the caretaker. I should know, sir, I've always been on this Bored.
Scene: Kiki secretly checks on Uly’s writing. . .
. . .discovers that he has written the same lyrics over and over. . .
. . .But Uly catches her
Kiki: [crying] Stay away from me.
Uly: Why?
Kiki: I just wanna go back to my room!
Uly: Why?
Kiki: Well, I'm very confused, and I just need time to think things over!
Uly: You've had your whole life to think things over, what good's a few minutes more gonna do you now?
Kiki: Please! Don't hurt me!
Uly: I'm not gonna hurt you.
Kiki: Stay away from me!
Uly: Kiki? Darling? Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in.
Scene: Now completely insane, Uly confronts Moonie. . .
. . .then chases his family through the Bored with an ax
Heeeere’s Uly!!
Scene: Kiki and LB escape. Uly chases LB into the unused FNGD forums. . .
. . .LB gets away, but Uly ends up as cold an FNGD thread
Final Scene: Lyrically Speaking hosts gather together, circa 1921
Elwoodblues host Lyrically Speaking in July (if he dares)
No work, all play
Eyégor: There is one other thing I think we should talk about. I don't want to sound melodramatic, but it is something that's been known to give a few people second thoughts about the job.
Uly: I'm intrigued.
Eyégor: I don't suppose they, uh, told you anything about the tragedy we had up here during the shutdown of 2005?
Uly: I don't believe they did.
Eyégor: Well, uh, my predecessor in this job hired a man named Killer Tomato as the winter caretaker. And he came up here with his wife and two little girls, Holly and Hoolie, I think about 8 and 10. And he had a good employment record, good references, and from what I've been told, I mean he seemed like a completely normal individual. But at some point during the winter, he must have suffered some kind of a complete mental breakdown. He ran amuck and killed his family with an axe. Stacked 'em neatly in the chat room. Police, uh, they thought that was what the old-timers used to call Bored fever. Kind of claustrophobic reaction which can occur when people are on-line together over long periods of time.
Uly: Well, that's, uh, quite a story. That’s what you get for hiring a guy named Killer Tomato.
Eyégor: True. And, obviously some people can be put off by the idea of staying alone in a place where something like that actually happened.
Uly: Well, you can rest assured, Mr. Eyégor. That's not gonna happen with me. And as far as my wife is concerned, I'm sure she'll be absolutely fascinated when I tell her about it. She's a confirmed ghost story and political thread addict.
Scene: Uly and Kiki Torrance arrive at Overlook Bored with their young son, LB. Uly plans on using the time to create the entire list for July Lyrically Speaking.
Scene: Young LB talks with Moonie, the Overlook’s cook
Moonie: I can remember when I was a little boy. My grandmother and I could hold conversations entirely without ever opening our mouths. She called it "chatting". And for a long time, I thought it was just the two of us that had it. Just like you probably thought you was the only one. But there are other folks, though mostly they don't know it, or don't believe it.
LB: But, Mr. Moonie, people hold conversations all time without talking. Isn't that what the internet is all about.
Moonie: Say, how did you get so smart?
LB: I keep notebooks.
Moonie: Good idea.
LB: Mr. Moonie, are you scared of this place?
Moonie: No. Scared – there's nothin' here. It's just that, you know, some places are like people. Some "chat" and some don't. I guess you could say the Overlook Bored here has somethin' almost like "chatting".
LB: Is there something bad here?
Moonie: Well, sometimes they can see things that happened a long time ago. I think a lot of things happened right here in this particular Bored over the years … and not all of 'em was good.
LB: What about the chat room?
Moonie: Chat room?
LB: You're scared of the chat room, ain't ya?
Moonie: No, I ain't.
LB: Mr. Moonie. What's in the chat room?
Moonie: Nothin'! There ain't nothin' in the chat room. But you ain't got no business goin' in there anyway. So stay out! You understand? Stay out!
Scene: LB is explores the Overlook Bored. . .
. . .and finds the chat room
Holly and Hoolie: Hello LB. Come and play with us. Come and play with us, LB. Forever... and ever... and ever.
Scene: Uly visits the chat room. . .
. . .and meets Tuba Dave the bartender
Dave: Good evening, Uly. It's good to see you.
Uly: It's good to be back, Dave.
Dave: What'll it be, sir?
Uly: Hair of the dog that bit me.
Dave: Bourbon on the rocks.
Uly: That'll do her.
Dave: No charge to you, Uly.
Uly: No charge?
Dave: Your money is no good here. That goes for anyone who wants to create Lyrically Speaking lists. Orders from the Bored.
Uly: Orders from the Bored?
Dave: Drink up, Uly.
Uly: I'm the kind of man who likes to know who's buyin' their drinks, Dave.
Dave: It's not a matter that concerns you, Uly. At least not at this point.
Uly: Anything you say, Dave. Anything you say.
Scene: Kiki visits Uly as he writes and realizes he’s starting to lose his mind
Kiki: Get a lot written today?
Uly: Yes.
Kiki: Hey! Weather forecast said it's gonna snow tonight!
Uly: What do you want me to do about it?
Kiki: Aw, come on, hun. Don't be so grouchy.
Uly: I'm not being grouchy. I just want to finish Lyrically Speaking.
Kiki: Okay, I understand. I'll come back later on with a couple of sandwiches for ya, and maybe you'll let me try some of the lyrics.
Uly: Kiki, let me explain something to you. Whenever you come in here and interrupt my songs, you're breaking my concentration. You're distracting me! [he hits his head with the palm of his hand, rips up his Lyrically Speaking list, and throws it onto the floor] And it will then take me time to get back to where I was! Understand?!
Kiki: Yeah.
Uly: Fine. I'm gonna make a new rule: whenever I'm in here, and you hear me typing,[presses down hard on random keys] whether you don't hear me typing, whatever the f*ck you hear me doing in here, when I'm in here, that means that I am working on Lyrically Speaking. That means don't come in. Now, do you think you can handle that?
Kiki: Yeah.
Scene: Uly meets KT, the former caretaker
Uly: What do they call you around here, Jeevesy?
KT: KT, sir. Short for Killer Tomato.
Uly: Eh, Mr. KT... haven't I seen you somewhere before?
KT: Why no, sir. I don't believe so.
Uly: Eh... Mr. KT... weren't you once the caretaker here?
KT: Why no, sir. I don't believe so.
Uly: You, er, a married man, are you, Mr. KT?
KT: Yes, sir. I have a wife and, eh, two daughters, sir. Holly and Hoolie.
Uly: And, er... where are they now?
KT: Oh, they're somewhere around. I'm not quite sure at the moment, sir.
Uly: [takes KT's cloth and wipes his hand with it] Mr. KT, you were the caretaker here. I recognize you. I saw your picture in the newspapers. You, uh … chopped your wife and daughters up into little bits. And … and you blew your brains out.
KT: That's strange, sir. I don't have any recollection of that at all.
Uly: Mr. KT, you were the caretaker here.
KT: I'm sorry to differ with you, sir, but you are the caretaker.
You've always been the caretaker. I should know, sir, I've always been on this Bored.
Scene: Kiki secretly checks on Uly’s writing. . .
. . .discovers that he has written the same lyrics over and over. . .
. . .But Uly catches her
Kiki: [crying] Stay away from me.
Uly: Why?
Kiki: I just wanna go back to my room!
Uly: Why?
Kiki: Well, I'm very confused, and I just need time to think things over!
Uly: You've had your whole life to think things over, what good's a few minutes more gonna do you now?
Kiki: Please! Don't hurt me!
Uly: I'm not gonna hurt you.
Kiki: Stay away from me!
Uly: Kiki? Darling? Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in.
Scene: Now completely insane, Uly confronts Moonie. . .
. . .then chases his family through the Bored with an ax
Heeeere’s Uly!!
Scene: Kiki and LB escape. Uly chases LB into the unused FNGD forums. . .
. . .LB gets away, but Uly ends up as cold an FNGD thread
Final Scene: Lyrically Speaking hosts gather together, circa 1921
Elwoodblues host Lyrically Speaking in July (if he dares)
No work, all play
I didn't get it. Never saw the movie.
