FF Question
Put these dance crazes in the order they first became all the rage in the U.S., starting with the earliest.
A: The Hustle B: The Twist
C: The Achy Breaky Heart D: The Moonwalk
It is only appropriate they include four dances that have become so well connected with this damn show. Thanks to the Damn Clock, the contestants are always trying to do the Hustle. All of us viewers at home are left with Achy Breaky Hearts after we watch this garbage, and I can put Chubby Checker to shame doing a little number over the toilet I like to dub the Puke and Twist. And of course, there are all the WE/WE's who are moonwalking out of the studio with a couple grand and a lifetime of public shame and humiliation...
Eddie Lawhorn (mikehardware)
Huntsville, AL
Eddie is 51 years old and recently unemployed.
Oh great! You know, this could be like an reunion episode of SyndieBAM in 2025 or something. I'll bet about 90% of the unemployed contestants that have been on this show would still be unemployed then....
Regis: Recently? How recently?
Eddie: Like, uhh, Friday, a week ago.
Oh, you're one of those guys who got fired after your boss found out you associated with Millionaire. I am so sorry.....
Eddie is a computer software guy, software testing and all that stuff. He tells folks that he's a professional nerd.
Good luck professional nerd dealing with your pop culture laden stack. This is not your father's WWTBAM, which you obviously missed the boat on.....
$100 * Romance Language
By definition, pillow talk is a discussion between two people who are where?
A: At dinner B: In bed
C: On a bus D: On the set of "Millionaire"
Most of the discussion on the set of "Millionaire" is more along the lines of pillow drool....
$200 * Sticks of Gum
Acccording to Wrigley, what brand of chewing gum has been the nation's top-selling cinnamon gum since 1987?
A: Juicy Fruit B: Doublemint
C: Big Red D: Spearmint
$300 * Envelope, Please
Which of these awards is presented by the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences to honor excellence on the internet?
A: Grammy B: Webby
C: Emmy D: Tony
Why have I not won one of these yet? Does nobody out there read my fine critiques?
$500 * Culinary Schooling
Which of these food names consists of two words that each happen to be the name of a prominent American university?
A: Fava bean B: Maple syrup
C: Pine nut D: Brown rice
$1,000 * Bulls on Parade
A crowd of people are running away from a bull on the cover of the 2008 Fodor's guide to what country?
A: Spain B: Australia
C: Russia D: Egypt
Come to España! The land of certified friggin dumbasses!
$2,000 * No Girls Allowed
Because it focuses on the relationship of its two male stars, which of these 2009 films was often labeled a "bromance"?
A: Taken B: Angels & Demons
C: Paul Blart: Mall Cop D: I Love You, Man
Eddie doesn't see a lot of movies. With 19 seconds left, he decides to Ask The Audience.
Eddie also doesn't see a lot of pretty blatant clues as well.....
ATA: A: 2% B: 4% C: 6% D: 88%
Eddie: I Love You, Regis. D, final answer.
The only thing that would make that even sicker than it is would be if you said it to Mere. (((((cringe)))))
$4,000 * Monster Devices
A device some people fear will accidentally create a black hole, the Large Hadron Collider is a what?
A: Particle accelerator B: High-powered laser
C: Supercomputer D: Gamma-ray telescope
I'd say about 2 or 3 more seasons, and the WWTBAM studio with be earth's first man-made black hole. When it sucks in most of the WABC viewing area with it, I will raise a toast to Stephen Hawking....
$8,000 * Stop That!
What bad habit has the technical name rhinotillexomania?
A: Nail-biting B: Nose-picking
C: Thumb-sucking D: Teeth-grinding
There is a technical name for nose picking..... and some idiot down there in the writers dungeon actually knew about it. I think I can see the light-sucking vortex being formed as we speak....
Eddie's wife, Kay, is in the audience. She's feeling excited, but very stressed.
Regis: How do you think I feel? Eddie just told me he loves me. But anyway!
But has he offered to scritch you yet?
$16,000 * You Rule!
Because one of her rulings ended a 1995 strike, Supreme Court pick Sonia Sotomayor has been called "the judge that saved" what?
A: Detroit B: Science
C: Baseball D: Farmers
So, when she walks into the Supreme Court chambers, does she announce to a cheering audience that she's the judge who saved baseball, just like a former hero of mine used to announce he once saved a major television network... even though we know it was really that smash hit Madigan Men that did the trick?
$25,000 * Cold Hard Cash
If you have three bills, each one featuring a different face from Mount Rushmore that appears on paper currency, how much money do you have?
A: $8 B: $17
C: $35 D: $80
Eddie: That would be Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln. That's a one, two and five, so A: $8, final answer.
Oh the agony had someone else gotten this and burned a hole in their head trying to remember which bill Teddy Roosevelt was on.....
$50,000 * The Gloved One
Which of the following accurately describes the clothing Michael Jackson wears on the cover of the 1982 album "Thriller"?
A: White shirt, white jacket, black pants B: White shirt, black jacket, black pants
C: Black shirt, white jacket, white pants D: Black shirt, black jacket, white pants
And of course, the category title featuring a glove is instead about three other articles of clothing.....
With 29 seconds left, Eddie decides to Phone A Friend.
Eddie's PAF team are Jonathan, Gilbertsville, PA; Bob, Los Angeles, CA; and Joey, New York, NY.
I'm so sorry you couldn't find anyone with any competence, Eddie..... wasn't there a bum out on the street that had nothing better to do that day but sit by a payphone for you?
Eddie calls Joey, paraphrasing the question as "Image of Michael Jackson's Thriller album. I need to know what he's wearing".
Oh dear God. I haven't been that desperate since I once had to ask my fat, ugly neighbor to borrow a cup of sugar for the nuclear reactor I was building in my basement.....
Joey: Repeat the question, please?
Eddie: Album cover of Thriller. What's he wearing?
Joey: He's wearing a black shirt, a white jacket and white pants. Is that one of the choices?
Eddie: Yes.
Joey: 100% sure. Got get'em, Mike.
Oops, sorry Mike. but I think he was actually looking at his captain Jack album cover while he was getting high tonight instead....
Regis: That's what Joey says! Joey says he's 100% sure, so what do you think now, big boy?
I love how Regis calls people "Big Boy". I wonder how many times he got his ass beat in grade school by big boys......?
Eddie: I'm going for C, final answer.
Eddie is going to stop now, so tonight's celebrity can answer one question.
Don't go out of your way, Eddie. They're probably still putting on their makeup and being prepped on the question they're going to be asked anyway.....
They replay Eddie’s jubilant reaction to winning the FF. Regis tells Eddie he looked just liken Fred Astaire.
Maybe Fred Astaire if he looked like an out of work professional nerd. I don't think Ginger Rogers associated with those types....
Eddie gets to share the story of getting the call right in the middle of a job interview
Remember this Eddie. Millionaire is only going to "employ" you for about one hour.... unless you count all that "throughout the universe in perpetuity" crapola in the legalese. That job may have put food on the table for you for the next 15 years. Do I go visit Regis so he can make fun of my nerdy dance moves and call me Big Boy, or do I go to work and support my family? Yeah, that's a tough decision, but I guess now that you've revealed to the world your everlasting love for Da Reege, I guess it should come as no surprise which you chose....
Today’s expert is Connie Chung, who can’t be seen because her Skype connection is broken down.
That folks is what I call perfect product placement. This may top New Coke and Herb for one of the dumbest moments in advertising history......
She and Regis share a flirtatious moment before we finally get to the question.
Speaking of advertising history, remember the Miller Lite "Dick" commercial with the old couple making out on the couch. I just had chilling thoughts of that flashing through my mind right now.....
$100,000- The Simpsons
On the Simpsons, which of these characters is typically voiced by the same person?
A- Apu & Mr. Burns B- Moe & Krusty the Clown
C- Ned Flanders & Principal Skinner D- Kent Brockman & Mayor Quimby
Eddie doesn’t watch the Simpsons regularly, and asks the expert (note- here on the boards, Eddie notes some annoyance at not being able to see her- Skype breaking down makes interaction difficult- plus Regis has to read the question instead of her getting a feed on her computer).
Isn't technology wonderful, Eddie? The same people who sabotaged ghost's FF machine have cospired to throw the computer nerd out of the chair by ensuring that world-renowned Simpsons expert Connie Chung will not be able to help him get this question....
Connie doesn’t know and passes, and asks for forgiveness from Eddie.
Eddie may be the forgiving type, but after seeing such a terrible display of how to ruin a perfect game show, I'm not about to turn the other cheek. There weren't any Skype outages 10 years ago. About the worst that could happen then was maybe the 50/50 would actually leave two wrong answers or some fat guy in a bad sweater would break the Hot Seat. I think this is a wonderful example of the old adage, if it ain't broke, DON'T FIX IT!!!!!!!!
Eddie walks with $50,000, and gets loud cheers
Which can not be heard by anyone due to the trmendous amount of static coming from Connie Chung's Skype connection, which is probably not working because Maury Povich unhooked it so he could download some porn.....
Nihil Obstst®
