Where's my Valentine from ES?
Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 12:18 pm
I was watching a television interview with a very smart young two-footer, about 9 or 10 years old, who has written a book called "How To Talk To Girls." In the interview, he said that boys should send Valentines to all the girls they know, not just the special ones they like best.
That's why I think Evil Squirrel should send me a valentine. I don't want a mushy one, like the one he made for Miss Sportsfan, but it would be nice if he threw a piece of paper in my direction for once, instead of one of those heavier objects he likes to heave at me. If ES needs more reasons, here are a few more:
1. I have chased him 9,378 times, but I've never bitten him, not even once.
2. By telling the Bored about ES by name, I have given him copious amounts of publicity, which has made him famous to many two-footers, most of whom have become acquainted with and appreciative of his art (if not his pitiful, needy and incessant requests for scritches.)
3. I have helped him learn more about physics. It's not my fault if he's not a good student.
4. After ice storms repeatedly brought down his house into my yard, I have deconstructed his nests scientifically and carefully to record his construction techniques and taste in interior design for posterity. I left his duct tape in the yard, so he could reclaim it and rehang his curtains as he wished, even though I offered constructive suggestions for more attractive decor.
5. I have sung arias from my opera to him on several occasions, giving him the first previews of Guinefort, a superb work about the dog who became a saint.
6. I am his oldest four-footed friend. I suspect I am his only four-footed friend. I do not count those red squirrel girls who come and go.
7. I wished him a Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day. Today I left a lovely Valentine's hickory nut and a pecan for him by the fence. He should be nice to his nice neighbors. That's the kind of girl I am.
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That's why I think Evil Squirrel should send me a valentine. I don't want a mushy one, like the one he made for Miss Sportsfan, but it would be nice if he threw a piece of paper in my direction for once, instead of one of those heavier objects he likes to heave at me. If ES needs more reasons, here are a few more:
1. I have chased him 9,378 times, but I've never bitten him, not even once.
2. By telling the Bored about ES by name, I have given him copious amounts of publicity, which has made him famous to many two-footers, most of whom have become acquainted with and appreciative of his art (if not his pitiful, needy and incessant requests for scritches.)
3. I have helped him learn more about physics. It's not my fault if he's not a good student.
4. After ice storms repeatedly brought down his house into my yard, I have deconstructed his nests scientifically and carefully to record his construction techniques and taste in interior design for posterity. I left his duct tape in the yard, so he could reclaim it and rehang his curtains as he wished, even though I offered constructive suggestions for more attractive decor.
5. I have sung arias from my opera to him on several occasions, giving him the first previews of Guinefort, a superb work about the dog who became a saint.
6. I am his oldest four-footed friend. I suspect I am his only four-footed friend. I do not count those red squirrel girls who come and go.
7. I wished him a Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day. Today I left a lovely Valentine's hickory nut and a pecan for him by the fence. He should be nice to his nice neighbors. That's the kind of girl I am.
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