A Bored Production: Clueless
Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 8:21 am
(Uly the butler and the six party guests at Mr. Littlebeast's mansion gather in the hallway after hearing a shot ring out. The body of Mini the Singing Telegram girl lays on the floor)
ULY THE BUTLER: It appears that somebody has murdered the singing telegram girl!
COL. TBONE: It had to be one of us!
MR. REXER: Well don't blame me!
MRS. KAY: But who had the posting gun? It was YOU Professor Clem!
PROFESSOR CLEM: I didn't shoot her! it had to be Mrs. Peacock!
MRS. PEACOCK: Bite me!
ULY THE BUTLER: I know exactly who done it! And what's more, I'm going to tell you all right now! (Uly approaches each suspect individually) Was it the foul-mouthed peafowl? Was it the doctor who likes to post during sessions with his patients? Was it the dignified southern belle with a vicious mean streak? No..... it was none other than Miss Fantine!
MISS FANTINE: That's a lie!!!11
ULY THE BUTLER: Oh really? The posting gun is still missing. Gentlemen, please empty your pockets. Ladies, your purses please....
MISS FANTINE: (Pulling out the gun) Ha! Very good Uly. You're smarter than your avatar gives you credit for!
COL. TBONE: But why did you do it?
MISS FANTINE: Can't you all see? The singing telegram was just another agent of Mr. Littlebeast, sent here to torture us with 10 weeks of Lyrically Speaking this winter, beginning January 5th! Why, I'll bet she can't even hit the low notes like ol' J.J. could!
ULY THE BUTLER: You certainly don't think you can get away with this, do you?
MISS FANTINE: Who's gonna stop me, you? Ha! There's one post left in this gun, and it's got your name written all over it.
ULY THE BUTLER: I don't think so, there have already been 6 posts made with that gun. One in the birthday thread, two in the cheap bastard thread, two gratuitous Nuggets posts, and one for the singing telegram. One plus two plus two plus one...
MISS FANTINE: No, I only made one post in the cheap bastard thread! That's one plus two plus one plus one....
ULY THE BUTLER: Even if that's true, that would still be one plus two plus two plus one...
MISS FANTINE: What? Shut the *#(@ up! The point is, there's one post left in this gun, and guess who's gonna get it?
(The doorbell rings. Mr. Rexer goes to open it as federal agents burst in the door)
MISS FANTINE: What the!?!? Take your hands off of me you creep!
AGENT JUCH: Good work Uly, we got her.
ULY THE BUTLER: Just like the Mounties, we always get our man!
MR. REXER: Miss Fantine was a man!?!?!?
(Professor Clem explodes Mr. Rexer's nose)
