Black Friday....
Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 9:22 am
...was black for a different reason for me. About 4:45am EST, I was sitting at my computer, thinking about going to bed (I work nights these days, as a security guard, but I'd taken the night of Thanksgiving off; since I'd slept from around 11am to 7pm on Thanksgiving, I was pretty much wide awake), when the phone rang. Caller ID displayed my sister-in-law's name (Cherie), and it was an hour earlier there in Milwaukee. At that hour of the morning, I knew it couldn't be good news. It wasn't.
I picked up the phone, and my sister-in-law was crying. I thought my mother had passed away; she's about 75 and has some health issues, so it wouldn't be all that unexpected. Then she passed the phone to my mother, and I overheard her saying something about waiting for the coroner. At that point, I thought something had happened to her husband/my brother Bruce. Then my mother, also crying, said, "Sandi is dead". They had set the alarm for 3:00am, planning to hit the post-Thanksgiving sales, but Sandi was unresponsive (the time of death was established as around midnight; she'd slipped away suddenly and painlessly in her sleep).
Sandi Knudson was my sister. 46 years old, 4 years younger than me. The most full of life and wonderful person I'd ever had the privilege of knowing. She kept herself very fit, unlike her brothers, and was always on the go. I never in a million years dreamed that she would be the first of us to pass away, and certainly not before my mother. But there it was.
The next few days were a complete blur. I wasn't sure I'd be able to come out; money is very tight right now. But a very good friend of ours offered to pay for the airline tickets for my wife and me to fly to Green Bay (an hour's drive from the area where my sister and her husband lived, as well as my mother). I called my boss on his cell phone, explained the situation, and arranged to take 4 more vacation days, and we flew out on Monday, 12/1. The visitation and memorial were on Tuesday, and we flew home late last night. There was a huge turnout for the memorial; she was involved in all kinds of town activities (Crivitz, WI), and was much loved by everyone that knew her.
Apparently, from what my mother tells me, the cause was a very unusual kind of heart attack. The autopsy revealed that there had been an abnormal growth of some sort in her heart; I gather it would have been benign almost anywhere else, but where it was, it was in a position to fall into place to block her coronary artery and shut down her heart. She'd complained of dizzy spells for a few weeks, and had gone to have a complete physical to try to figure out what was going on, but they couldn't find anything. In retrospect, it looks like those were caused by the same thing, but the last time was fatal.
Although the timing really sucks from the perspective of the survivors (I don't think any of us will think of Thanksgiving in quite the same way ever again), it was good that she got to spend the last day of her life surrounded by loved ones. Cherie traditionally hosts Thanksgiving at her house, and Sandi hosted Christmas at hers; I've attended some of each, but due to my current circumstances, I haven't been out there for a few years. I wish I could have been there myself and talked to her one last time. My wife had suggested that I call the family, but I thought I'd just call the next day instead; I had to go out and pick up my eldest daughter, who'd had to work until 11:00pm on Thanksgiving. Little did I know that my last opportunity to chat with my sister was quietly slipping away from me. It never occurred to me that the next day just wasn't going to be good enough.
So, I'm now back in my apartment in the Boston area, still trying to make sense of the whole thing. I'm going in to work tonight for the first time since then. It feels weird thinking about the fact that the last time I went to work, the night before/morning of Thanksgiving, my sister was still alive and, as far as we knew, well.
I will miss her terribly.
-Mike
I picked up the phone, and my sister-in-law was crying. I thought my mother had passed away; she's about 75 and has some health issues, so it wouldn't be all that unexpected. Then she passed the phone to my mother, and I overheard her saying something about waiting for the coroner. At that point, I thought something had happened to her husband/my brother Bruce. Then my mother, also crying, said, "Sandi is dead". They had set the alarm for 3:00am, planning to hit the post-Thanksgiving sales, but Sandi was unresponsive (the time of death was established as around midnight; she'd slipped away suddenly and painlessly in her sleep).
Sandi Knudson was my sister. 46 years old, 4 years younger than me. The most full of life and wonderful person I'd ever had the privilege of knowing. She kept herself very fit, unlike her brothers, and was always on the go. I never in a million years dreamed that she would be the first of us to pass away, and certainly not before my mother. But there it was.
The next few days were a complete blur. I wasn't sure I'd be able to come out; money is very tight right now. But a very good friend of ours offered to pay for the airline tickets for my wife and me to fly to Green Bay (an hour's drive from the area where my sister and her husband lived, as well as my mother). I called my boss on his cell phone, explained the situation, and arranged to take 4 more vacation days, and we flew out on Monday, 12/1. The visitation and memorial were on Tuesday, and we flew home late last night. There was a huge turnout for the memorial; she was involved in all kinds of town activities (Crivitz, WI), and was much loved by everyone that knew her.
Apparently, from what my mother tells me, the cause was a very unusual kind of heart attack. The autopsy revealed that there had been an abnormal growth of some sort in her heart; I gather it would have been benign almost anywhere else, but where it was, it was in a position to fall into place to block her coronary artery and shut down her heart. She'd complained of dizzy spells for a few weeks, and had gone to have a complete physical to try to figure out what was going on, but they couldn't find anything. In retrospect, it looks like those were caused by the same thing, but the last time was fatal.
Although the timing really sucks from the perspective of the survivors (I don't think any of us will think of Thanksgiving in quite the same way ever again), it was good that she got to spend the last day of her life surrounded by loved ones. Cherie traditionally hosts Thanksgiving at her house, and Sandi hosted Christmas at hers; I've attended some of each, but due to my current circumstances, I haven't been out there for a few years. I wish I could have been there myself and talked to her one last time. My wife had suggested that I call the family, but I thought I'd just call the next day instead; I had to go out and pick up my eldest daughter, who'd had to work until 11:00pm on Thanksgiving. Little did I know that my last opportunity to chat with my sister was quietly slipping away from me. It never occurred to me that the next day just wasn't going to be good enough.
So, I'm now back in my apartment in the Boston area, still trying to make sense of the whole thing. I'm going in to work tonight for the first time since then. It feels weird thinking about the fact that the last time I went to work, the night before/morning of Thanksgiving, my sister was still alive and, as far as we knew, well.
I will miss her terribly.
-Mike
