WWTBAM Bored

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Okay, THAT is getting forwarded around work!

Very funny!

No, actually there is a far heavier element at ghostjmf's RichU dept.

Once upon a time there was an Engineering & Applied Sciences Place (acronymically known as PEAS). "Place" is a disguised term used to distinguish the fabled RichU in this story from any real U's in the same location.

Then, after much manipulating of Higher Powers, academically speaking, the PEAS became the FEAS, as in Fabulosity of Engineering & Applied Sciences. A Fabulosity is more independent than a Place, in the RichU geographic lexicon. The medical community has a Fabulosity, called the Med Fabulosity, the lawyers, & does this entity ever have lawyers, have the Law Fabulosity. Etc. You get it.

Apparently becoming a Fabulosity means you need to rapidly acquire more Deans. Back when it was PEAS, the entity in question had a Dean, & an associate Dean (attributes which made just-ordinary departments, like the Chemistry Department & the Physics Department, a bit jealous, but they mostly coped). Now, however, as a Fabulosity, FEAS needs several more Deans. About 1,000. All the new Deans have titles, & staffs (staves?) & duties, duties often which were done, previously, by people with far lower salaries & titles. A lot of these duties under the new regime will also be done by the staves, those with far lower salaries & titles. However, many of them are new to the duties, so a fascinating-for-all learning curve is involved.


Some of the new Deanly duties, however, as based on the new Deanly titles, are not only new but a trifle, just a trifle nebulous.

A lowly staff person (gosh who could that be) once conjectured that the way things were going, FEAS would soon see a Dean Of Raising And Lowering The Windows. Imagine this person's surprise when a fellow staff-member came by one day, saying that Powers That Be had heard (on one of these new-fangled weather-divining services) that powerful winds were to sweep through the area, & they had been deputised to close everybody's windows, even unto the storm windows, whether the people wanted this done or not. For a brief moment, lowly-staff-person thought other-lowly-staff-person had been elevated to the level of the much vaunted position of Dean Of Raising And Lowering The Windows.

But no; fellow-lowly-staff-person had only been deputized to this effort.

The position of Real Dean of Raising And Lowering The Windows still awaits some shining applicant.

ghostjmf wrote:But no; fellow-lowly-staff-person had only been deputized to this effort.

The position of Real Dean of Raising And Lowering The Windows still awaits some shining applicant.

So they were Acting Dean of Raising And Lowering The Windows.

Will they return to raise everybody's windows, even unto the storm windows, once said powerful winds have abated?

gsabc says:

So they were Acting Dean of Raising And Lowering The Windows.

Will they return to raise everybody's windows, even unto the storm windows, once said powerful winds have abated?

They have not done that. But as their real staff (stave) position is that of skilled carpenter, one who can even butress crumbling expensive new furniture, which, being expensive & new furniture is made mostly of crumbly fiberboard linked by metal supports, & has very little real wood in there for skilled carpenter to work with, as well as "stave-of-all-fix-it-trades", I XXX FEAS other-lowly-staves can see how they do not have the time to do the opening-of-windows-after-the-storm thing.

Most of the inhabitants of FEAS can actually open their own windows, so we XXXX they are "all set", as the saying goes. (Boy, do I really hate that saying, & hope its only New-England-Local).


This nice deputized carpenter stave was never Acting Dean Of Raising And Lowering The Windows, however, as their paycheck never reflected even a temporary rise in position.

In the furniture department, however, Carpenter Stave grabbed one of the old real-solid-wood desks as it was being carted, probably by they themself, to the dumpster, & now is probably the only stave left with a real-solid-oak, old but still noble, desk.